Things are trucking along just fine in your relationship until an argument happens and the next thing you know, you can’t seem to do anything right.
Have you ever experienced your relationship as smooth and easy until an argument occurs, and then suddenly you can’t seem to do anything right? Even once apologies and amends happen no matter what you do the relationship never seems to get back on track and you’re left wondering- what happened?
There’s a reason for it and it has everything to do with how your brain functions–new negative neuro pathways were laid down. Once a significant problem happens within a relationship, it’s human nature to keep an eye out for something else that might go wrong. You and your partner don’t have a problem with forgiveness, your brain does.
Science has proven what spiritual teachings support, we create the world around us to match our inner thought patterns. Looking at one another through newly negative eyes, you’re both going to be hyper-sensitive for a while.
It sounds crazy, but your amazing brain—with its many functions and miracles—actually dictates your life experience.
In simple terms:
- When we talk about forgiveness, there are two key players in the brain: Your thoughts and your left pre-frontal cortex. (LPF)
- When your brain thinks a Thought, LPF goes out and looks for examples in life to substantiate your thought. Seems the left pre-frontal cortex will stop at nothing to prove all your thoughts correct.
- Remember the saying, “Looking at life through rose colored glasses”? Science has proven those glasses do affect your life because any thought you think in that head of yours is heard and registered. Once this happens, the left pre-frontal immediately goes out and starts evaluating everything it sees, hears, and feels to prove your thought to be true. It’s like a dream employee at your beck and call ready to jump into action and prove the validity of your every thought.
It’s life altering to realize: How many times have you looked at life through fear colored glasses? Unbeknownst to any of us, part of our brain is out there in the world looking to prove all of our thoughts and fears to be correct. Think about the ramifications this has on all of your close personal relationships, even professional ones. Suddenly we look at the ones we love through cloudy glasses on high alert for proof they don’t care anymore or they’re up to no good, missing all the while the good that is present, we’re just literally blind to it.
When you make a major mistake in your relationship, it makes sense that your partner is going to be hyper sensitive for a while because their brain is on the look out for more pain.
Even at work, this comes into play: your boss criticizes you and from that point forward, you’re stressed out looking for proof that you’re about to be fired.
No wonder fear builds and expands upon itself spreading like a slow virus out of control. Think life is hard or people can’t be trusted? Your brain is literally out looking for proof in your world that it’s true. The brain wants to back our thoughts no matter what. It’s like buying a red car and suddenly every where we go, we see red cars. Our focus literally changed to support our new reality.
Whatever we think, good or bad, out goes the left pre-frontal cortex evaluating the world to prove us right.
They say people can change but do we really let them in our heads?
Thankfully, this also works on the flip side. Think good, happy, abundant, healthy, loving thoughts and your LPC is out there looking to prove all is well in your world.
This is why so many positive-thinking experts stress the importance of our thoughts. It’s not all woo-woo, our thoughts literally shape the world we experience.
Think thoughts like, “Oh, the world is falling apart” and the left pre-frontal cortex will go looking to prove that the world is going to hell in a hand basket. Now we know why falling in love makes the whole world seem beautiful. Colors are brighter, smells are sweeter and the world around us is a beautiful place to be … all due to the LPFs dedication to proving us right.
Perhaps that old saying, “Fake it till you make it” is more valuable than we realized. Can you understand now why it’s so important to look for things to appreciate in life and your relationship every day? Life’s far too short and way too long to be run by a negative brain. When you find yourself in the midst of a relationship crisis, (one that you both hope to move past) it’s imperative that you take note and speak aloud the things that are going well between the two of you. Faking it until you make it, even stretching to appreciate the smallest of good things, is how to put your brain back on track looking for proof that the relationship is viable and that love exists.
Your brain is most definitely in charge of your quality of life experience. What you feed your brain in terms of your thoughts, is what controls everything.