occurs and everyone
in the world
into a fun
Which one do you
want to be?
Cons: Your waist is poorly suited for the weight of your enormous breasts. Can’t stand on your own without assistance. Math is hard.
Pros: Save the world from terrorism. Cool vehicles. Get to know real ninjas and Sgt. Slaughter. Awesome codename based on your own unique special ability.
Cons: Shorter than everyone else. Weapons fire useless lights that never actually hit anyone. Chances are your character is going to be killed off at the beginning of the sequel because the studio felt the first film was a bit too campy and cartoonish for its own good.
My Little Pony
Pros: You’re adorable. Depending on what kind of pony you are you might be really fast, magical or can fly. Get to hang out with baby dragons. All the apples you can eat. Chance to live in a wonderful utopia.
Cons: Skeezy dudes you never want to meet harbour strange fantasies about what they would do to you.
Pros: Whenever you’re bored being a giant robot you can become a car, truck, airplane, tape deck or whatever you’re designed to be. You get to live on top of a giant robot with the voice of Orson Welles. You’re not a lousy goddamn Go-Bot.
Cons: Michael Bay. Shia LaBeouf. Pieces snap off of you way too easily. The ratio of boy to girl robots is crazily out of whack. Sometimes even you can’t figure out what parts go where in order to transform you into whatever the crap you are.
Okay. So those are your choices. How are you going to spend the rest of your life–as a mega-boobed blonde fashion plate, a career solider, a pretty magical pony or a cold soulless robot?