For the rest of your life
every time you hear music
it will either only be
John Mayer or John Denver.
You CANNOT commit suicide
or stop listening to music.
WHICH ONE DO YOU CHOOSE?
We can thank Joanna for this week’s edition of YOU MUST CHOOSE! It all started when she professed her deep and abiding love for John Mayer on Twitter. At a certain point it got embarrassing and I had to look away, but I’m pretty sure she suggested she’d allow all of us to drown in a septic tank if her beloved songsmith refused to quit playing “Your Body is a Wonderland” long enough for her to save us.
So we know how she’s probably voting.
Interestingly, Mayer is one of those cultural figures people know they’re not supposed to like, even though they’re only vaguely aware of what he actually does. In my case, beyond the ubiquitous “Wonderland”, I couldn’t name another one of his songs without a quick google search. Those that I have heard have a general easy listening sameness to them that seems slightly at odds with his off-stage reputation as a slightly-jerky wannabe comedian who trolls show business waters for beautiful famous women coming out of failed relationships.
Trying to think of his pop culture equivalent wasn’t quite as easy as it sounds, but then I started to think of other famous singers named John and I found one that seemed to fit.
It’s hard to imagine today just how popular John Denver was back in the 70s. Beyond his musical career, he also appeared in his own TV specials and even starred in a major hit movie–Oh, God! (which just happened to be produced by his legendary manager, Jerry Weintraub). His granny glasses, blond hair and cherubic face went hand in hand with his music, which was so nakedly sincere it almost made you feel embarrassed for him. Like Mayer, his songs were pretty and never challenging, but unlike Mayer, they so completely matched his persona they almost made sense.
So, who do I choose? Well, at the risk of angering Joanna’s musical god, I gotta go with Denver. Not just because his sugary music now tastes so much better coated in a thick layer of nostalgia, but because of something he did in 1985:
That year a group called the Parents Music Resource Center–initiated by Tipper Gore after she was horrified by the lyrics of Prince’s “Darling Nikki”–used their political leverage to hold hearings on the possibility of creating a ratings system for record albums. Among those who spoke out against this were two musicians–Dee Snider and Frank Zappa–who represented everything parents feared about modern popular music. Of course they were against a ratings system! Both of them were weirdos who liked to freak people out!
But then that nice singer John Denver spoke. You’d assume he’d be there to support the system and help protect all of the boys and girls who watched him with The Muppets. But no, his speech against the measure was just as firm and articulate as Zappa and Snider’s. In that moment, being the blandest of the bland and nicest of the nice actually meant something and though the “Tipper Sticker” did eventually end up on record albums, the fact that the late singer used his image to fight against it makes him the clear choice for me every time.
John Denver
OMG! This is too hilarious!
But I will vote for John Mayer the Total Douche-head! Come on…he played with Eric Clapton onstage (“Crossroads”) and he jammed with Herbie Hancock (“Stitched Up”)….!
Which one has more instrumentals in his catalog?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vs0iOcvndi0
John Denver wrote Leaving On Jet Plane. We’re done here…
It did post twice, but I took care of it with magic.
I can’t get past the statement “Mayer is one of those cultural figures people know they’re not supposed to like, even though they’re only vaguely aware of what he actually does.” This practically speaks for itself, but I’ll reiterate and rephrase. If someone tells you it’s not OK to appreciate something, and you accept and adopt their critical stand, AND you aren’t even somewhat familiar with that something, well, you, my friend, are an idiot. Unfortunately, there are so many people whose tastes are based on other people’s opinions, and justified by logical fallacies. I admit that if the article… Read more »
I approved this comment Paul, but I had to think about it. I don’t want this section to be a place where we call other folks idiots because they’ve done what everyone does and formed an opinion without much to back it up. It’s a trait of human nature that you yourself admit could also be guilty of. Please feel free to make your point, but I would ask you and others to leave the invective outside the door.
yes Allan. I’m sure these folks who chose John Mayer aren’t idiots. Just poor souls who should be pitied and nurtured until they can regain polite society.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UAk9gpeGNes
Olivia Newton John
You know how to make my heart happy Tony.
You’re a good sport, Allan: I like you. If it helps to demystify the invective, I’m often an idiot, about lots of things, including use of the word “idiot” even when I recognize it as politically distasteful. I therefore retract “an idiot,” in favor of “may I suggest, a bit of a sycophantic puppet,” keeping the inclusion that I have been guilty of the same.
I like the discourse, though. You make good points, Paul.
My musician friends say that John Mayer is an exceptional guitarist, as well.
You say you’ve studied Mayer’s music and find it at least above average, but what about those lyrics? I can’t play an instrument. I can’t even sight read. But that “girls become lovers” line creeps me out, too. It’s those sorts of artistic mistakes that mean I can’t let Mayer be the soundtrack of the rest of my life. I’m an editor. I care about words. This guy’s words make me twitch.
Ridiculously easy choice on this one. John Mayer.
He may be a douche, but he’s an amazing guitarist. Anyone who doubts this should listen to the John Mayer Trio album “Try!” While I haven’t enjoyed his last couple albums, his 1st three, plus the aforementioned JM3 album, are really good, and there’s the potential for more to come.
John Denver is mom music.
Johnathan, I think if I ever turned on John Denver around my mother, she would rip the audio device from wherever it was and shotput it into the next county, LOL!
My mom I don’t think really cares for John Denver either, she’s a Barry Manilow woman. But the radio stations she listened to when I was a kid, that’s the kind of music they played, so I will forever associate John Denver, Celine Dion, et. al., with riding in the car with mom, and hating the music.
JOHN MAYER NO QUESTION.
Remember in Final Destination? PEOPLE DIE WHEN JOHN DENVER PLAYS.
OH good point!!!
I don’t even know how it can be a question between these two. Clearly, John Mayer can’t hold a candle to John Denver in terms of songwriting talent. It’s like comparing Katy Perry to K.D. Lang. One is hip and one is substantial.
I compare Katy Perry to kd lang ALL THE TIME! Katy always loses.
I agree with you completely, Alexa. I <3 k.d. lang.
How is this even a question?!? John Mayer!!
I know, I know, he’s considered Supreme Master Douche but he has a few truly awesome songs.
John Denver does, too, but his annoying bad songs are about 100x worse than John Mayer’s annoying bad songs.
Also, sad tos ay that John Denver has passed, so he won’t be making new music, so there is a limited catalogue. Whereas Mayer has (so far) endless possibilities for new music.
It’s not exactly FAIR but you can’t argue the logic.
John Denver! Muppets Christmas Special, anyone?
That is the only reason to choose John Denver, I think.
John Mayer, if for no other reason than this hilarious and excellent skit he did on Dave Chappelle’s show: http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/0cc0bac3ce/chappelle-show-dancing-for-different-cultures
John Denver. No question. Because choosing John Mayer would mean having to listen to that “Mothers” song, which makes me want to take his guitar away and hand him something less dangerous, like an Etch-a-sketch.
Oh…yeah I do hate that “Mothers” song a lot.
Danielle, thank you! The “girls become lovers, who turn into mothers”….oh, that just makes me twitch. There are other lines, but that one, grrrrr. I think being raised in the first full generation in which marriage and motherhood were not foregone conclusions for a majority of girls (b. 1974), the gross assumption of girls are/become delivered with that smarmy-honey-voiced patronization, blarf. (Can you tell I was surrounded by ardent feminists, aka working moms who did their activism in the trenches)?
Hahah I definitely can! It reminds me of the idea that all women become their mothers too. This TERRIFIES me. I also just find the song really annoying.
That song is called Fathers and somewhere on this site we have a whole post about it!
People, please—it’s called “Daughters.”