to play you in a
of your life story?
A major Hollywood studio has just purchased the film rights to your life story. To make it they assign the project to an amazingly talented award-winning writer-director whose last film earned $1 billion at the box office and won 11 Academy Awards, including best picture. Needless to say, following this success no one at the studio is going to question any decision this filmmaker will make–they have complete creative control over the project.
And this filmmaker decides it will be a much better movie if they reverse the gender of the main character–you.
Now, you don’t think this is a great idea and are pretty sure it’s going to result in a terrible movie, but when you talk to your lawyer about what you can do about this, they tell you your only option is to give back the money, which is a problem since you’ve already used it to buy a house, a private island and to make several notable charitable contributions.
So you have to suck it up. The one good part is that the director is willing to listen to your suggestions over who should play a gender-reversed version of you. And–even better!–they have a computer program that will allow them to perfectly recreate any performer you choose, so you can select any actor from any period at any time during their life.
Who do you choose?
I suppose in answering this, I could go obscure or show off my in-depth knowledge of Hollywood past, but I’m going to go with the most obvious choice possible–1987 Meryl Streep.
The reason is simple–I regard her as the best actor of either gender to ever perform in front of the camera and if someone who isn’t a dude is going to play me onscreen, it might as well be the best of the best from the year when she would have actually been my age. If that doesn’t make sense, then I don’t know what does.