Garon Wade and his husband Jamie were prepared for their son in 2012. They were not prepared for what strangers had to say.
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These were the funniest things strangers said to us in the first year after we adopted our dude. Responses included.
1. (Cab Driver in Florida directly after getting in) Where’s his mom? (Us) He doesn’t have a mom. (Long Awkward Silence)
2. (Cashier at a Surf Shop, see’s just me and my little boy) Oh man, you were given Daddy duty today huh? (Me) It’s Daddy Duty everyday at my house bro. (Confused look)
3. Do you think he’ll be more likely to grow up gay? (Me) No. But I’ll love him for whoever he is, so it doesn’t really matter does it?
4. (Man on a plane next to me, completely out of nowhere) So did you leave his mom in DC or are you taking the baby to his mom in Florida? (Me) He doesn’t have a mom, he has two Dads. (Complete Silence)
5. Are you guys going to tell him he’s adopted one day? (Us) Yea, but I’m pretty sure even if we didn’t, at some point he’d figure that one out right?
6. You shouldn’t take babies on planes for the first many months because they get sick right away. (Us). He’s already been on 20 flights. (Silence)
7. (Random Guy on the street) Where’s his mom? (Us) She didn’t want him, so I guess that makes us the next best thing.
8. (Random Stranger at the grocery store) That baby’s so cute. Does your wife breastfeed? (Me). No he’s got two Dads so we give him formula. (Lady) What??
9. (Another Random Lady at the grocery store). That baby is so young. You should NOT be out with him like this at the grocery store! (My husband) Oh I’m sorry are you a pediatrician? (Lady) Excuse me? (Husband) Are you a pediatrician? (Lady) Well, no. (Husband) Then I’m not that interested in what you have to say. My pediatrician said it’s fine to take him out. Have a good one.
10. (Yet another Random Stranger) Where’s his mom? (Me) Where’s your mom?
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More from Garon Wade:
Sorry Little Dude, But Your Dads Are Still Confused
This One Thing Will Be the Financial Ruin of Us
Raising Our Man to Be a Man
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Originally published at GayDadSwag.com and is republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: iStock
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Follow us on Twitter @gaydadswag
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Why are there so mamy comments about where his mum is? We are in the 20th century now! When I see a father with his child my first thought isnt “oh wheres the mum?” It more like “what a great dad taking their child out/doing stuff with their child!”
Random Lady: “Where’s his mom?”
Dad: “Where’s YOUR mom?”
… Hilarious. Love it.
WOW! North Americans are curious…
Normal questions, abnormal relationship. Thats with a big 0 for a period
Except that these people are forgetting that it is none of their actual business what everybody else is doing. We are, none of us, accountable to strangers on the street.
Garon looked extensively online, but he could not find a global space for Gay Dads & Straight/LGBT Allies. From this, came the decision to create and launch GayDadSwag.com What are straight allies ? This is a lovely story but do we need to divide our dads into ‘gay’ and ‘straight’. We have to drop this divisive attitude. Why don’t we have a space for ‘loving dads’ ? A gay dads site only creates the difference and stereotypes we are fighting to change. Just be Dads !!!!!!! Love your kids. Don’t reinforce ‘gay’ and ‘straight’ stereotypes for your young dude. Swap… Read more »
I think your support of this family is great, but I’ve got to respectfully disagree with your insistence on “just being dads.” People have unique identities and often they are very attached to those identities and recognizing how they set the person apart from some people and create an affinity with others. This phenomenon can be seen in millions of people around the world peacefully and respectfully observing their cultural holidays, despite living in a different region than where the holidays originated. Their observance of these personal/cultural identifiers do not divide or separate them from others unless they or the… Read more »
Don has it right.
I love that you guys have matter-of-fact responses that shut down people’s rude comments, my wife wishes she was snappy that way as I don’t tend to pay enough attention to notice most criticisms of how we are raising our kid!
I grew up with a mom and a dad. I will forever have scars to remind me of just how necessary a mom and a dad are for a normal, happy life.
loved #9 & #10 LOL
There are so many things wrong with each of these questions. It amazes me that anyone thinks they should have the right to ask. But I love your responses 🙂 more parents (including myself) should have to courage to tell strangers to mind their own business!
I can Identify with this. I have two step kids who actually look like me, but the son I gave birth to has blonde hair and blue eyes. So do my father and brother, I do not. When we go out people as if ‘they are all mine’ I reply with yes. Then they say, ‘was this one adopted?’ My son, who is 11 now, has taken to responding for me. His last reply was “No, she baked me and then birthed me. Were you adopted?” The lady that asked him looked shocked and he simply said “kind of a… Read more »
As a mother I am often out and about with my daughter and I honestly can not remember a single individual asking me where her father was. My husband does get the ‘Where’s mom’ questions occasionally when they are out together. What a sad statement on society that a father with their child is so rare that it prompts ridiculous questions while a mother and child is so common place as to not even be noticed. I think you handled each situation with grace and more decency than any of the inquirer’s deserved. You are great role models for your… Read more »
Oh man, Im totally with you! 😀 (Random) People are sooooo stupid but worst thing is- they dont keep it to themselves, they just speaking their mind without any control, like my 4 years old. And I think its way less to do with the fact that you are gay (ok, manybe in USA its different) then with the fact that you are pregnant/having newborn/having little kid. Suddenly just about everybody knows better than you how to do that parenting thing. Many many time i felt like i will gonna bite some old ladie’s head off. 😉 Just one of… Read more »
What does ‘such a cute baby’ have in relation to ‘is he breast fed?’ All of a sudden a baby is cuter because they are breast fed? It makes no sense
The last one made me laugh! I really can’t stand these kind of people. My mom’s half Native American and my dad’s white, and my brother and I ended up looking like Mom while the two other siblings have blonde hair and blue eyes. We’ve dealt with so much weirdness over the years. Random people at the grocery store asking things like “So is your wife black?” (to my Dad),”Are they/you adopted?” “Is that your birth brother?” “Are these your husband’s kids?” “Are the oldest ones from your first marriage?” (My mom always responded to those two with a stone-faced,… Read more »
Well he still HAS a biological mother.
In past life I married to a woman. People think babies are easy to get/have. Married 1973 pregnant wedding date moved backed . Megan born at 23 weeks and only live a few minutes. 1978 a miscarriage, 1981 another daughter born prematurely and lived about 90 minutes. January 1982 a child born to 2 college kids had a child they loved enough they did not want to blaming for their not acheving a scholastic or carreer goal. This child was considered hard to place because he one quarter racial mix. 32 years later going through a career change, from a… Read more »
It just proves people can’t get past the idea that a guy would be a stay at home parent. This is not about gay or straight here. I’m sorry you have ignorant people asking questions. I was a SAHP for many years, got men who thought I was a wimp, hey just have the dude change a diaper, without throwing up and THEN who’s the wimp? Most women were impressed that I CHOSE to stay home and take care of all three of my daughters. I always got asked what mom does. My wife had a college degree and I… Read more »
Love it! Especially the last one!!
I have a multi racial family. There are no steps in my house or halfs. As such my three sons have two sisters I didn’t give birth to and all the kids are different combinations of nationalities and as such look different. Some things people feel are harmless conversation are just plain hurtful and have consequences they don’t realize. Like when a random lady at the store told my 5 year old blonde haired green eyed boy that my black husband couldn’t be his father because they didn’t look alike. He knows my hubby didn’t genetically create him but telling… Read more »
Also, the fact that your son has blonde hair and green eyes certainly does not mean that your black husband can’t be his biological father. Is it the most likely of the possible gene pool combinations between you and your husband? Probably not – but unless you’re a scientific expert looking at the DNA/gene maps specifically possible between you and your husband’s DNA, certainly can’t say, with certainty, that it isn’t possible. What if your husband HAD “genetically created” your son? Potentially an even more challenging conversation to have with a 5 year old!
That is awful. People can’t even think before they speak, to ask such horrible and racist things to a stranger is ridiculous. I swear to god, if I was ever in your shoes I would’ve snapped to the first nosy bastard to ask me such an insensitive question.
#10. “Wheres your mom”. Lol, classic
You sound like you have quite a few hang ups about it that you are projecting on to other people who are just making conversation and looking to connect. Why the need to keep telling everyone he has no mum he has two dads. Get over it!
I don’t think a person has hang-ups when they point out stereotypes and differences. He is just making a point about how people are treated differently.
I found most of this funny, but yes, really there’s a little too much animosity in some of the responses. People asking about the kid’s mom is no more stereotyped than people asking what school a kid goes to. Not every kid goes to school, some are homeschooled but asking what school a kid goes to is more a a start in conversation than an accusation.
And like may people here, I loved the “Where’s YOUR mom?” response.
Well, dont know, maybe because he has no mum and two dads? You are being ridiculous, and should get over the fact that these two men have a child. Besided that, its really intrusive to ask such questions. Why should these people care wheres the mother? Are fathers so inept that they can’t even take a child out without being questioned by everyone?
That’s exactly what I kept wondering. Is it really that big of a deal that dad’s out with baby?
If they were “just trying to make conversation”, they wouldn’t cold-shoulder the guy once he informed them the kid has two dads. That shit is a conversation-STARTER if anything.
Where is his mom?
Where is YOUR mom?
😀
I also find it weird that random people enquire about the mum but the weirdest must be a random stranger asking if he is being breastfed or not. What happend to mind your own business?
I’m so confused by why SO many people ask where his mom is! My husband takes our children out by him self all the time and has never been asked where is their mom? What an odd question. Why are people so concerned. He obviously has dads who love him. Isn’t that what people should care about? But I guess I’m just a naive girl from Iowa…. but then again we believe in equality.
I’m one of 6 kids in a complicated family. Mom, dad, new mom (wife #3), the first 2 of my dad’s kids and our half sister from wife #2 are all white; and 3 of us are adopted, and with the socio-economic constructs that mean there are more orphaned black babies than white in South Africa, black, or as they call themselves to be correct, brown. So recently an old white guy is staring at our eldest (13) adopted brother, Dilon hanging around the airport holding his mom’s hand… After 15 minutes this has gotten uncomfortable, and my awesome sassy… Read more »
I had to use some medication which made my nose, temporarily, look pretty ugly. Checkout lady at grocery store in St. Louis: “What’s the matter with yore NOSE!?” Me: “Leprosy.”