Breaking an addiction to porn can be for more than moral or religious reasons. It can greatly improve your mental health.
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“What do you mean, you don’t watch porn?”
I had grown more attracted to my imaginary harem online than the real women in my life.
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That is the question I hear most when I tell people I no longer watch pornography. They immediately assume it is for religious or moral reasons, but that isn’t it. I had grown more attracted to my imaginary harem online than the real women in my life. I would pass up intimacy with girlfriends to stay up and watch beautiful women do things I could never get a woman to do in my real life. (In hindsight it wasn’t something I wanted.).
Women were just sexual objects to me, and not a single real women could compete with the women online. In an hour of watching porn, I would see more beautiful women than my ancestors witnessed in many lifetimes.
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One day I ran across a TEDx lecture by Gary Wilson entitled The Great Porn Experiment. It put a spotlight on something I thought wasn’t a problem and I found out rather quickly was a huge problem when I tried to stop. What made me seek out pictures and pixels over real life women?
I had to figure out why it was so hard for me to quit watching pornography.
Calvin Coolidge, Porn, and the Internet
There is a story that is told about former President Calvin Coolidge and the First Lady on a trip to visit a farm. The story goes that while touring the farm the farmer was eager to show the First Lady their prize rooster. “That is him right there, he can fertilize 12 hens a day!” the farmer gloated to the First lady. “12 a day, you be sure to tell the President that when you show him,” she replied laughing. An hour or so later when President Coolidge was receiving his tour after finishing up business, the farmer took the President to see his prize rooster. “Now, the 1st lady wanted me to be sure to show you that our prize rooster and tell you he can fertilize up to 12 hens a day.”
“Now, is that the same hen or 12 different, hens?” the president asked.
“Well, it is 12 different hens.” the farmer replied. Smiling, the President quipped, “Now, tell that to the First Lady.”
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What does a scintillating anecdote about a former President have to with Porn or the internet? In biology and psychology, the Coolidge effect is a phenomenon seen in mammalian species where male and females members exhibit renewed sexual interest if introduced to new sexual partners. Even after climax with prior but still available sexual partners. It gets its name from this story. The Coolidge Effect has been an evolutionary advantage for humans. However, the combination of porn and high-speed internet has presented a challenge for young men all over the world.
A lot of people who are addicted to porn have no idea they are addicted.
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The average boy seeks out porn around the age of 11 years old. These aren’t your dad’s playboy magazines either. What we have is hardcore, nothing off limits pornography. Evidence suggest that it causes serious problems in the cognitive development in young men. Studies suggest that porn addiction is a real thing and has serious negative consequences for long-term users. A lot of people who are addicted to porn have no idea they are addicted.
The symptoms of arousal addictions often mimic primary medical conditions:
● ADHD
● Depression
● Erectile Dysfunction/Performance Anxiety
● Social Anxiety
● OCD
Meaning things that pleasure other people are virtually meaningless to a porn addict.
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These side effects often are caused by the brain physically rewiring itself to maximize dopamine production. How does it impact the brain? Well, continued use causes a numb pleasure response, erosion of willpower and hyper-reactivity to porn. Meaning things that pleasure other people are virtually meaningless to a porn addict. There is no drive to want to be better.
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The good news is that if you abstain from watching porn for 90 days, the brain will self-correct, but the bad news is it isn’t easy. I learned that the hard way. I discovered this about three years ago, and it has been a life-changing discovery.
If you are interested in finding out more about porn and sexual addiction feel free to visit http://www.yourbrainonporn.com, http://www.reddit.com/r/pornfree, and http://www.reddit.com/r/nofap
The role of men is changing in the 21st century. Want to keep up? Get the best stories from The Good Men Project delivered straight to your inbox, here.
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Photo:Flickr/andronicusmax
Not only is it affecting their own ability to enjoy their sex lives Ron, but it’s affecting their ability to even understand or relate to women. When you consume media since the age you’re a young boy, and that media tells you women exist to service your needs and women are just ‘things’ that exist to work out your own sexual desires, these young boys (and sadly a lot of men) have grown completely disconnected from seeing women as equals deserving of humanity and autonomy. And young girls grow up with the same access to the same material that teaches… Read more »
This is a real issue and I think the above comment about alcohol is a good one. Yes, there are people who can have a glass of wine with dinner every night and never go on a bender. Others will drink themselves to death. Just as some can watch porn occasionally and still have fulfilling sex lives and relationships, while others can ruin them. Having access to so much over stimulation makes it harder to enjoy the normal levels of stimulation we evolved for. Just as junk food gives us dopamine stimulation with more more sugar sweetness than we would… Read more »
ANY addiction has the potential to be unhealthy. As an ironic aside, I’m looking in my sidebar and I’m seeing “One Man’s Battle With the Addiction of Familiarity Can Help You.” Even if we keep the focus narrow and only look at porn, it still isn’t the real problem here. It’s the easy access to free pornography that is the real culprit. Imagine if alcohol were free… Would many more people in society be struggling with an alcohol addiction? You bet they would! As with any ‘indulgence’, a person needs to have the strength to enjoy it with moderation. If… Read more »
Parental blocks on electronic devices is a great start. Kids start looking for porn at a very young age and considering most people find porn usage complete normal and will make fun of people that don’t use it.
Sadly there are people who feel that sexuality should be experienced at any age. Sadly, sex sells and kids these days are inundate with sexuality in everything they see on TV and in movies. Where I work, we’re limited as to the movies we allow our clients to watch. Nothing “R” rated because we have boys as young as 14 on the unit. There was a great movie “Flight” which addressed addictions. My facility is a residential treatment center for addictions. The movie had a great message yet I wasn’t able to show it because of the first scene in… Read more »
It has also become the path of least resistance for a great many young men. I listen all the time as to how they loath the dating process, that it is more work than anything else, and the results often times are a waste of time. Many are signing off on relationships altogether as they see no benefit in being second fiddle, there for the needs of women, now pride for them, only seen as disposable chattel…and with the sword of Damocles hanging over their heads should she decide to dispose of him, or should divorce ensue. Many see sex… Read more »
DJ You say “Porn is not the problem. It is just a symptom…” Well I disagree. Societies without the problems you tell about here,the American dating rituals ,divorce law, the hate and anger between men and women is NOT a fact in all countries in this world. Still porn is there for all children and adults that wants to use it. And they are many that choose to use porn even though they live in nations with better rights for men and far more warmth between men and women. You thing porn is just a symptom that will go away… Read more »