When I was a woman in my early 20s, I was invited to a follow-up business dinner by a very successful man and a female colleague of mine.
I had met the man previously and found him crude, but because it was an opportunity the other woman had courted, I agreed to meet them out of courtesy. When I arrived, I found that my colleague had cancelled at the last minute and I was on my own with him.
What followed, instead of the business meeting I had anticipated, was an extended pitch from this man to essentially live as his kept woman. Financial details were laid out, perks promised (plastic surgery! A new car!), and just in case that wasn’t enticing enough, there would be picnic lunches on the beach.
I was shocked, obviously; also, afraid because we were alone, as he had asked us to meet at his apartment so we could drive to the restaurant together.
As dumbfounded and freaked out as I was, I managed to maintain my composure and attempted to politely refuse his bizarre offer. “No” was not the answer he anticipated, so his first response was an attempt to “sweeten the deal.” When I said “No, thank you” to that, he grabbed me and shook me by the shoulders.
He got up in my face and hissed, “What’s so special about your p*ssy?”
In that moment, I had no idea what would happen next. He was physically stronger than I was, we were alone, and he had laid hands on me in a violent manner.
But I calmly answered his vile inquiry by shaking my head and saying, “Nothing, except the fact that I make the decisions about who has access to it.”
He pushed me away with contempt and told me to get out of his apartment. I walked out to the street, got in my car, and sobbed. Then I drove to a friend’s house because I was afraid to be alone. I never saw that man again, but eventually learned through the grapevine that I was not the only woman who had such an experience with him.
I counted myself lucky that I got away virtually unscathed.
◊♦◊
So now we have this audiotape of another “successful” man, bragging about sexually assaulting women by “grabbing them by the p*ssy” because “you can do anything.”
It makes me realize once again that I was lucky I was only shaken by the shoulders by the man who wanted ownership of my “p*ssy” instead of being grabbed by it.
Aren’t those women lucky that they only had their pussies grabbed instead of what Brock Turner did? And isn’t Brock Turner’s victim lucky he used his fingers instead of his penis?
Dear Trump Supporters: NO, we are not LUCKY, none of us. And if you are defending his comments, you are officially a card carrying member of the rape culture.
Women should not have to count on luck in order to not be sexually assaulted. Women should not have to be lucky in order not to be sexually demeaned.
If you don’t believe that women should be treated with respect and have ownership over their own bodies, then yes, Trump is a good candidate for you.
If you now would like to start a conversation about how somehow Hillary is “worse” because she stayed with a man who betrayed their marriage vows, then go have that conversation with every single woman who has stayed with a husband through infidelity, addiction, and other challenging circumstances. Condemn them, too, because that is what you are doing. Take a stand for marriages between perfect people who never make mistakes, and then take another look at your candidate. I hope you don’t mind hypocrisy!
If you now want to start a conversation about how what Trump said was “just talk” then hey, when that man hissed in my face, “What’s so special about your p*ssy,” that was just talk, so he’s probably an okay guy. He was a good businessman, too—made a lot of money suing people—so he would probably be a great President, right? Oh, and about the “just talk” argument for your boy: yes, it was “just talk” about things he actually DID and was PROUD of doing. His talk was actually BRAGGING.
And you know, all of the other things he has said about women, the things he has said about Mexicans and Muslims and people with disabilities—that’s all “just talk” too! It’s not like we have footage of him making a physical mockery of a person born with disabilities, right? It’s not like he was actually sued for racial discrimination, right?
If you are okay with what Trump said (and DID, mind you), then you are okay with what happened to me.
You think men can assume ownership of a woman’s pussy without her consent. You are okay with what happened to Brock Turner’s victim. You are okay with a world in which sexual assault is okay.
It probably comes as no surprise to you that I am not okay with that. If you are a man and you think this is okay? I know a lot more about you, your character, and your attitudes about women than I did yesterday.
If you are a woman and you are okay with it? I can’t even imagine how you have been treated in your life that this seems normal to you.
Speaking of women, Ann Coulter has dismissed this episode as Trump having a “potty mouth,” like he is an errant toddler instead of a grown man capable of being held accountable for his behavior. An errant toddler that she will be voting for as leader of the free world.
So the question is: are you with her?
◊♦◊
Photo: Unsplash
Read Kara Post-Kennedy every week here on The Good Men Project!
Excellent, Kara! I agree with everything you say! I want to live in a world where women can feel safe! I was very sorry to read about your experience! His attitude was disgraceful! I would never, ever say that to a woman! “What’s so special?” I think that part of a woman is the most womanly and feminine part of her. It says, “I’m a woman!” and that’s what makes it special. I pray that you will be healed of this terrible experience and hope everything is OK in your life nowadays! Have a lovely day!
Well, I could contend that if you don’t want men to be treated with respect, have control over their own bodies, then Hilly is the gal for you. She sees men as less then human in the same way as he may see women…or does she, does he? See, we can all go extreme, and we can all extrapolate out. What you’ve extrapolated out to is an extreme that speaks to the devaluation of women (which is legitimate to an extent), but in failing to acknowledge how we devalue men even worse, paint a different picture then reality. You ran… Read more »
You can even say that if you’re OK with the FBI definition of rape which erases up to 90% of male victims and 90% of female perpetrators, then you’re OK with rape even if you think they might be lucky that they weren’t penetrated.
Thank you for your courage, Kara. It takes a willingness to stand up to bullying and false accusation to write about this. Hillary Clinton did a great job of surviving an ugly attack last night. DT tried to overpower her and make her cave, but he failed. There will always be someone deflecting the issue and excusing the unacceptable–whether the victim is young or old, female or male, rich or poor. It’s clear where you stand. I stand with you and with Hillary. Keep writing.
“I stand with you and with Hillary. Keep writing.”
Just not with male rape and DV victims because male victims are “a distraction”.
She didn’t say she was against male rape. Why do you think she isn’t?
@ OLIVER
As my comment pointed out. She said they were a distraction.
More male bashing . This author seems to think men are all like Trump and women never rape.
During the fight for VAWA re-authorization, Lindsay Graham offered to lift any restrictions on who can receive victims assistance. The democratic senate fought to exclude CIS men. Let me re-iterate in case that didn’t register. The progressives icons like Warner and Gillebrand fought to EXCLUDE MEN for the help offered by VAWA. Men, especially CIS men raped by women, are the least likely;y to report and yet they’re the only demographic EXCLUDED from VAWA assistance. If you’re OK with that and by implication vote for a democratic senator, then you’re OK with rape even if one of them happens to… Read more »
I think this statement is unnecessarily negative. She is focused on men who do and not on men who don’t. She did not state that women never rape. I can’t see where you got these assumptions.
And if your OK with infant males being circumcised, than you’re OK with child rape. If you’re OK with Julian Edelman being groped by female fans, then you’re OK with rape. If you’re OK with there being no victims services for male victims of rape or DV and OK with Clinton helping to strip protections from CIS men, then your OK with rape / DV.
That wasn’t sexual assault, but what he did was assault. A lot closer to what Clinton has allegedly done to her husband. Oh wait. Those weren’t the marriage issues we were talking about, but hey any man who doesn’t stand up to his wife when she abuses him is worthy of contempt. Have fun telling that to every male victim of domestic violence.