I’ve written a lot before about the difference between being kind and being nice, and I feel it’s quite an important topic as a lot people would assume they are just the same thing.
Because if you’re nice you’re kind, if you’re kind you must be nice, right? Well sure it makes sense but there is an underlying mindset in both being nice and kind that changes everything and makes a massive difference between the two.
Here’s the difference:
Being a nice person, often means that the person is a people pleaser and will be “nice” to get something back from another person.
Whether it’s validation, acceptance, friendship, likability, sex, a date, a favour, money…. It could be anything, but subconsciously or consciously they want something back from their nice behaviour.
This mindset of lack can be felt by people, it’s unattractive and slightly repelling.
It stems from a lack of self-love and varies from person to person.
Kindness though is so different in that it comes from a mindset of abundance and inner fulfilment.
It means when we give, we give without NEEDING or WANTING anything back from anyone, we are happy in ourselves when we can be kind and it happens because we really want to give.
It is unconditional in its nature because we have a lot to give, we are abundant in our self-love and we come from the heart.
Now let’s talk about the nice guy within a relationship.
A nice guy is what women everywhere are saying they want, but when it comes down to dating a nice guy they end up realising either that they don’t want a nice guy, or in fact he isn’t so nice after all.
A nice guy will do all the right things on a date with a woman, he will take her coat, pull out her chair, pay for the meal, he buys her drinks etc… She feels great from this ‘giving’ behaviour and she likes him because he is nice to her and he makes her feel good.
But … After being so nice to her all this time and going on all these dates and being a gentleman without showing any sexual desire in case he offends her, he now wants something back from her.
It could be sex, it could be validation and acceptance from her so he feels good about himself, it could be anything and not only does he want something but he becomes needy, clinging to her every step and her attraction to him starts to disappear.
He was so nice before doing things for her and not being pushy about them being together, or being too sexual. In fact he hardly touched her at all… It almost felt like he was a great friend.
Now he has changed, he doesn’t do those nice things for her, being the gentleman he was, it’s almost like he expects something from her now before he will be that nice guy again, he won’t ask for what he really desires from her, because he won’t want to offend her so he hides the true him.
He was never clear in his intentions from the beginning so she is confused because he seemed a great guy and she quite liked him.
But there’s something about him now, she finds him slightly repelling and he is frustrated, texting her over and over wondering what’s going on and wanting so bad for her to text back, or he will feel down about himself and how he messed it up…..again.
So here’s what the nice guy is hiding from himself that holds him back:
Doing all the nice things he was doing was great, he liked this girl a lot so he wanted to please her and make her feel good.
In not one single instance though has he made his sexual attraction clear to her, from the very beginning he wanted to please her so much that he hid his sexual being from her AND himself.
A man’s sex energy creates in him an energy that comes from his nether regions, giving and heartfelt behaviour comes from his light energy (feminine energy) and his sex energy is his dark energy (masculine energy).
They both play a huge role and should neither should ever be suppressed.
Sex energy is his life energy as a man, yet the nice guy suppresses this part of himself because he is scared to show his true authentic nature, that he is a sexual being.
So he loses his masculine edge, he is gentle and nice and likeable but he has no danger element to him, nothing that shows protection, trust and strength.
Nothing that a girl can be hugely attracted as she feels safe and protected in his arms yet at the same time she knows that he could pick her up and throw her on the bed and ravish her there and then.
With a man with a masculine edge balanced with feminine energy a woman will not be lied to or be misrepresented, his intentions are completely clear from the beginning, he is a sexual being and he hides none of that, and because he is comfortable in that he feels a sense of abundance and wants to give to this woman from his heart..
He doesn’t need anything from her and he hides nothing.
With the nice guy he hides it all, all his intentions now are to do nice things for her in the hope that he can break down her defences and when she is lulled into it she will let him have sex with her, or let him take her on more dates where he can buy her dinner.
The nice guy is missing his masculine edge, he is scared to be the sexual being that he truly is, he is scared to be truly authentic in his desires.
Little does he know though, this authenticity will set him free.
His masculinity will allow him to desire and be desired and he can give from the heart, never needing anything back from anyone for he is fulfilled in who he is and what he wants.
In his true masculinity he hides nothing and holds nothing back.
With a masculine edge and kindness in his heart.
He is an attractive man.
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