The process for me with Social Anxiety is unique and rather bizarre. If I am going to work or do something that I am extremely confident in I can go without much concern. And when I have doubt of my skill set or if I feel like I will be overly judged for my appearance. As I stated prior I am not an attractive looking man so I am self conscience of this level.
So as I traverse the hallway of the local community college, I see no signs for information or new students signs. I am starting to look back towards where I know where my car is parked. It’s comfortable leather seats with heat, a radio that can blur the emotions, and a door lock that can deter people from touching me.
It’s siren call is bellowing me to come home and find the safety I so desire to have in my life at all times.
As my footsteps echo down a hall. A large group of students emerge into my chamber of horrors. And one looks to me and says “Hey, what are you doing here?” It takes me a second to recognize her. She a volunteer that worked with me on a booth I operated for a local festival. So, phew, I know someone here. I have concurred my concern about asking someone I do not know. Simply just by luck of knowing someone in the chamber.
She informs me that my journey must progress to the next building and then directly to my right when I enter the building. My ever-evolving adventure must continue to Mordor to stand before a possible Sauron.
I know this is rather dramatic but the feel for me is sometimes so overwhelming that it’s like trying to walk with sleep paralysis. The battle of knowing I am awake and not in danger. But cannot move gathers the fear sometimes quicker than a masked man with green hair and huge smile. Give me an opponent I can see any day versus the one who lives in my own head.
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Illustration by author.