On a recent morning, I got up, looked in my bathroom mirror and asked the man in the mirror a question: “Do you have your shit together?” This is not the first time that question has been asked. In fact, it’s been asked so much that four answers are possible.
“Yes,” “No,” or “I don’t know” are the first three. At least, those offer some sort of actual starting point to drill down inside and figure out just what the fuck is going on. The fourth answer, though, is definitely one that will trip my own emotional wires when everything goes haywire.
That answer is silence. No response within me, no tingling sensations, no bright-light-appearing-fall-on-my-knees-thank-you-Jesus moments. Zip. Just silence.
All of this is from seeking an answer to an unresolved emotional state. I choose to believe – you can join the party or not – that others also look within when their universe careens off the interstate of life. The real crapper is when it happens so subtly, so covertly. Like, there are “signals” that “Danger, Will Robinson!” time is about to become a funeral pyre in a man or woman’s soul. Yet is a man or woman aware that it’s time to address the anger, sadness and fear running around, wreaking havoc on a moment’s notice?
Meh, probably a good dose of booze, sex or gambling will be the fix. Who knows? Some men and women might find that path is a solid one to take. If it works for them, who am I to judge?
For me, I know too well that taking that road only brings me a millisecond of joy and hours of pain. Maybe that’s just me. It probably never happens to others.
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Unresolved emotions bury themselves like gophers deep within the souls and hearts of men and women. People walk around every day, offering the appearance that “all is well” and “everything is OK.”
It is rather commonplace for some people to say “feelings aren’t facts” and pooh-pooh their role in human development. If life is only to be looked at through the prism of intellectualism and data, then emotions are kicked to the curb like yesterday’s garbage.
So, what if people don’t clean up that garbage? It can come back, litter their heart and bite them in the ass. It stinks, too. This has happened too many times in my life. Thankfully, I also know that I am not totally alone.
Everybody has their own way of addressing emotional issues. Again, whether it is anger, sadness, fear, joy, happiness, frustration, etc., a man or woman has developed coping mechanisms in which to either push away or embrace emotions in a moment’s notice. The trouble starts when those harder emotions, like anger and sadness, get stored up like frozen food and are brought out only to thaw, cook and eat.
Anger is an awfully strong emotion. Unless you live in a cave or off the world’s grid, then you have seen and heard plenty of modern-day examples around fear and anger sending men and women into the Bizarro world. To me, anger’s close cousin is not so much rage as it is sadness. Anger can mask sadness, making an individual deeply depressed and leaving him or her with little desire to connect with human beings.
I know that a lot people enjoy being left alone to just do their life. What happens when life becomes too harsh, meaning that solitude becomes loneliness and leads people toward hurting themselves and others? It can turn deadly.
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Another part of this unresolved emotions puzzle involves mindset. Look at elite athletes. From football and baseball players to powerlifters and CrossFit athletes and beyond, a deeply-focused mind usually results in high levels of achievement.
Consider the number of peak athletes who seek out coaches and sports psychologists to help them simply focus, with intention, on their on-field performance. Visualization and mind-body coordination are just two elements used to get them across the goal line, hit the grand-slam homer, deadlift 500 pounds or complete a record WOD (Workout of the Day).
Truth be told, some athletes can channel their anger and sadness into workouts and find sweet relief. Others can do the same, yet still have “issues in the tissues” to deal with on a consistent basis.
Writers, artists and spiritual leaders have offered insights into the power of the mind for years. Earl Nightingale, in his landmark work “The Strangest Secret,” offered these words: “We become what we think about.”
If your mindset is corrupted by an unhealthy emotional state, then you are probably going to be filled with unhealthy thoughts. That’s no good. The emotions are running the show here. Is that the way you want to live your life? Hell no.
If you want to heal and transform those unhealthy emotional states — turning anger and sadness into love and peace — then the power to do so lies within yourself. Reach out for help and support, friend. It is there.
Human beings were really not built to always go through life alone. Don’t let anger and sadness rob you of a life worth living.
That pain may not even be yours but someone else’s, handed down surreptitiously through the family DNA. It might also come from abusive physical, spiritual, emotional and mental behaviors.
Healing from all of these is definitely possible. Don’t sell yourself short because, in the end, you are worth it.
Photo: Getty Images
“Feelings aren’t facts” is a killer. And something too many people believe. Perception is reality. One’s reality is shaped by feelings. And anger often covers fear. It’s easier to be angry than vulnerable.
Hi JW … Thank you for your kind words. I am glad that you were able to find a nugget or two that touched you within the article. … Joe
Thank you Jo for this very insightful article. You are so right that there is a deep need for us all to embrace our emotions instead of burying them and I have also found that Anger is often covering Sadness – it so depends on what feelings were acceptable as we grew up and in surroundings now. Thank you for helping to create awareness about this… it’s so important in our world today. Manuela (Founder of Feeling Magnets and creator of The Emotion Course)
Hey Manuela … I appreciate the fact that you were able to pick up on some of the salient points that I was attempting to make in the article. I honor your work in being founder of Feeling Magnets and creator of The Emotion Course. …. Joe