people around me would say things about
00:01
gay people that I don’t think they would
00:03
have said if they’d known that I was
00:05
internalizing things in the way they
00:06
were
00:07
there was a time when I was at dinner
00:08
and my mom said none of my children
00:10
would be evil enough to be gay and there
00:12
were a lot of those little moments from
00:14
my leaders and my family the people that
00:16
I trusted the most in the world
00:18
[Music]
00:20
growing up as an LGBTQ person in the
00:23
Mormon community you for one wouldn’t
00:25
refer yourself that way because you’ve
00:26
given the verbage naturally instead you
00:29
would probably feel a little lost and a
00:30
little confused like all through puberty
00:32
that church couldn’t figure out what to
00:36
do about the gay you’re taught that you
00:39
shouldn’t act on those types of thoughts
00:43
or feelings or behaviors so you just
00:47
constantly feel it judged within
00:50
yourself because you know that you’re a
00:53
sinner
00:53
right the church’s standards every
00:55
thought I had that was gay was
00:57
considered a sin and I felt like I was
00:59
trapped was trapped in my own mind and
01:01
there was nothing I could do about it
01:02
Mormon culture revolves around the home
01:04
and the family and that’s what it’s all
01:06
about ever since I came out to my family
01:08
my relationship with them has only grown
01:10
stronger first it was resistance I mean
01:12
my parents let me to Correctional
01:13
therapy they didn’t know about it there
01:15
was Church recommended but when I told
01:16
them what was happening they were quick
01:17
to pull me out if it hadn’t been for
01:19
Prop 8 I might have come out in high
01:21
school thousands marched in California
01:23
protesting the election night passage of
01:25
Proposition 8 banning same-sex marriage
01:28
with my whole community everybody that I
01:30
looked up to and loved and respected in
01:32
church up in arms about this issue of
01:36
gay marriage specifically and queer and
01:40
gay identity more generally it wasn’t a
01:43
time that I felt safe to do that I was
01:44
never brave enough to come out to my
01:47
family that’s my biggest regret I love
01:49
my family they’re everything to me and I
01:51
just didn’t want to disappoint them
01:52
we’re taught from an early age that
01:53
that’s what heaven is it’s family
01:56
predicated on heterosexual marriage
01:58
transgressing that is the worst thing
02:00
you can do I had to drop out of school
02:02
because of a suicide attempt related to
02:06
me not thinking that there was a
02:08
possible happy future and at that point
02:11
I realized that as for me I just it
02:13
wasn’t gonna work out I had to get
02:15
distance from the religion itself and
02:18
look for my own life the Church of Jesus
02:22
Christ of latter-day saints has come
02:24
under intense scrutiny following their
02:26
new decree children of same-sex parents
02:28
are not allowed to be baptized in the
02:30
church until they turn 18 the policy
02:32
also stipulates children of gay couples
02:34
cannot be living with their parents must
02:37
disavow support of same-sex
02:38
relationships and be approved for
02:40
membership by the church’s top
02:42
leadership there were 32 LGBT youth
02:46
suicides after that announcement was
02:48
made I knew people who we lost and it
02:53
was devastating it was devastating it
02:59
breaks my heart that the church is so
03:02
hesitant to acknowledge their own role
03:03
in that I also tend to be hesitant
03:10
myself to lay the blame for that
03:13
entirely at the church’s feet there are
03:15
so many factors that go into suicide
03:17
that I don’t think you can say this is
03:19
what caused it to me it just there’s no
03:21
way it could it be correlated I don’t
03:23
want to be in the same situation when I
03:25
was contemplating suicide that I didn’t
03:29
have someone to look up to I didn’t have
03:31
someone to say okay he went through what
03:33
I was going through and I’m gonna be
03:35
okay I didn’t I just had religion which
03:36
told me and it was bad being in a place
03:38
where you don’t have a community of
03:39
support I just imagine is the most
03:43
terrible thing and I would hope that any
03:48
LGBT youth who feel that way know that
03:50
there is a community out there
03:54
my advice to LGBTQ youth in the Mormon
03:59
Church would be you are worthy of love
04:03
and worthy of loving however you want to
04:05
love regardless of what your church
04:09
leaders are saying or what have you you
04:11
are still a good person and you’re not a
04:14
sinner and you can make it through this
04:18
stay honest with where you are
04:20
don’t leave the church because someone
04:21
tells you you should and don’t stay in
04:23
the church because somebody tells you
04:24
you should the answer is always love
04:27
when someone’s mean to you you love them
04:29
back when someone hates you you love
04:30
them back when your own family has a
04:32
hard time looking at you being with you
04:34
understanding you and loving you you
04:37
show them what love looks like I promise
04:39
you your parents do not hate you they
04:40
just don’t know how to love you yet
04:42
teach them you’re loved you you really
04:46
are and I honestly don’t think there’s
04:48
anything more important I can say
—
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