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Sometimes the little things are what really make you know a relationship is going to work out.
Seeing your partner do this is one of them…
Transcript provided by YouTube:
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[Music]
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you know when you
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first first start dating someone what i
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find is there’s always this moment when
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you’re gonna
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take them into a crowd of people you’ve
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you’ve done all your time
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in your little bubble of love together
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and you decide hey we should probably go
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and like
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you know actually interact with the rest
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of the world now
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and you take them to a party or some
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some event
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and there’s such a wonderful moment if
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you
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see that they just hold their own
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in that event and they you know
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obviously you want them to
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also show they’re with you and hey i’m
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proud with this person and you know we
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got that
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you know we’re showing each other off
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sort of thing but there’s that kind i
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feel like it’s a perfect
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simulacrum if you will of the idea of
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like
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dependence and independence together
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well i think that the competence that’s
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needed for that is the ability to
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hold your own in conversation make
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conversation with someone nearby
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be comfortable just chilling in a room
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but the deeper the deeper reason
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for that is that you’re good at paying
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attention to your partner’s needs
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that you can go in a room and recognize
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the moment when your partner
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needs help and needs you to be by their
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side
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because they’re a little nervous moments
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when they need
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saving from a conversation
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and moments where they need to be left
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to a conversation
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and where the best gift you could give
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them in that moment
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is to make yourself busy
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that to me is another way of paying
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attention
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not what do i need to feel comfortable
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right now in this room
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but what does my partner need right now
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to have the best time
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and then of course the ability to be on
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your own and not have a babysitter is
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really handy when you recognize that
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your partner happens to
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be all right at the moment and in a you
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know conversation or a story or whatever
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that doesn’t
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need us or sometimes like is having a
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conversation with a friend that they’re
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catching up with
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where they actually could use a few
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minutes of space
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yeah and it can be like a beautiful
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unspoken
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gift and in some ways it’s like that is
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the
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it seems small but it’s like that is the
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stuff of relationships right that makes
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them work
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it’s like when you know the the chris
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rock special that’s called tambourine
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and the whole
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you know crux of that one point rest on
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this story he tells of
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that he wanted to you know at one point
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in his marriage before he divorced it
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was like
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he thought well i make all the money and
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i’m like the you know
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i’m the alpha in this and it’s about me
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and i’m the star sort of thing and he
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realized that would
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that just doesn’t work and you you have
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to at some point
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you have to play the tambourine at some
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point for someone else and the
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tambourine being the person who
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sometimes
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is in the back just doing their thing
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and cheering the other on or
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supporting the other main act and i feel
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like those
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those acts are the moment where you
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think ah
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i’ve got someone i can i can this works
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[Music]
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you
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This post was previously published on YouTube.
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Photo credit: Screenshot from video