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Looking back, I have this to regret, that too often when I loved, I did not say so. ~ Ray Stannard Baker
Before I can open my eyes beyond a squint, before I wiggle even one toe in preparation for moving into my day, I know I am loved. Do you think I’d trade that for wine and chocolate? Do you think I’d give up that morning ritual for all the roses in Josephine’s gardens? (Maybe if Neapolitan had stayed home instead of going off to possess the world his Empress would not have developed such a fascination for roses.)
All societies need their rituals. Since the beginning of time cultures have had rituals for every important aspect of life — birth and death, sowing and reaping. And love.
In our modern Western culture, the ritual for love involves hearts and roses, red or chocolate. It involves fancy dinners and fancier lingerie. It involves sweet nothings written on candy and cards. But perhaps it involves even less love than did the holiday it evolved from.
While we think of Valentine’s Day as connected to St. Valentine — or, if we think of ancient tradition at all, we would most likely associate it with Cupid — it’s origins can be traced back to a Roman holiday (which was likely rooted in something even older) that more resembled the rituals in “50 Shades of Gray” than the courting of the love of your life. (Full disclosure, I’ve read Roman history but have not read 50 SoG, so that is based on conjecture.)
Historical references aside, I wonder how many people, after the buzz of wine and chocolate has worn off, after the roses are dried or drooping, will remember the most important ritual of all. The ritual of sharing what we feel.
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… I wonder how many people, after the buzz of wine and chocolate has worn off, after the roses are dried or drooping, will remember the most important ritual of all. The ritual of sharing what we feel.
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In our household, we have many rituals of love, from not saying one word in the morning until we’ve said, “I love you,” to doing dishes together — I prefer to wash, and he prefers to dry. And every one, from the romantic to the mundane, is more meaningful to me than eloquently written verses in fancy name brand cards.
Our rituals of love extend far beyond our relationship. He never ends a call with his family without saying, “I love you.” I often sign emails to my friends with “bunches of love.” We delight in creating experiences for people in our lives, and for strangers. Sometimes it’s an elegant brunch, sometimes it’s a simple chat over coffee. We support each other in speaking and showing love in a myriad of ways.
So we’ll enjoy this day together. We’ll probably even indulge in wine and chocolates, and I know we’ll have roses in the house. But we indulge in wine and chocolates often, and since the rose is my personal talisman we usually have them in the house. These things are special to us because of us, not because of the date. We will also do the shopping, do some work, cuddle with the pets, talk about the week ahead, maybe even disagree about some silly little thing that won’t matter tomorrow or even an hour later. That’s all part of our love ritual too.
If there is any common goal we have above any other, it is living in a celebration of love — ours and everyone else’s. I suppose, since the future is unseen, we may yet die with some regrets, but I feel certain it will not be the regret of not speaking or showing the love we feel for each other or the world.
Love, for us, is not an afterthought, not a postscript in the message of our lives, it is the core of who we are, and how we express it.
Read More Inspiration Unpacked on The Good Men Project
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Photo: Flickr/motiqua