Us both going on dates with other people,
00:03
I think it’s only going to be a positive outcome – whatever happens.
00:06
Erm, it might be… As long as you don’t run off with him.
00:13
I’m not prepared to keep wasting my time.
00:16
Do we move on together or apart?
00:25
Hello.
00:26
Hiya.
00:31
I didn’t think I would enjoy it this much.
00:34
So am I your ideal on paper?
00:37
Yeah.
00:47
Do I deserve more?
00:49
Do I want more?
00:51
Bye, Bonnie.
00:57
There is that fear of what I’m going to lose if I lose you.
01:04
I’m watching you.
01:05
You’ve lost her already.
01:16
All right? Yeah.
01:18
Hello. Hi.
01:23
My name is Bonnie and this is my boyfriend Stevie.
01:26
We have been together for four years.
01:29
Good going.
01:31
So we actually met on Tinder.
01:34
I don’t remember swiping for him, if I’m honest.
01:37
He makes me laugh all the time.
01:40
Any opportunity she can, she buys me something that just shows how much
01:43
she loves me. I get carried away.
01:44
Even when he’s not very well,
01:46
I’ll buy him a card to say, “Get well soon.”
01:54
Him not wanting to live with me, it does upset me.
01:57
It has definitely caused me to have some insecurities
02:00
about our relationship.
02:02
If I take that next step, there is no going back
02:05
and I don’t know if that’s what’s scaring me a little bit.
02:09
No matter how good you’ve got it, there’s always that little bit
02:12
of doubt of whether there is somebody out there that you haven’t
02:16
quite met, but at least want to.
02:18
Our biggest arguments, when Stevie blows up, is always about girls.
02:21
I like being sociable.
02:23
I used to have to say to her, “Not every girl wants to try and break us
02:26
“up and sleep with me.”
02:29
I think trust has definitely got to be earned.
02:32
I wish I had a bit more freedom.
02:34
I think, going on a date, it’s going to be interesting.
02:38
If he decides, “Actually, I did enjoy the date,
02:40
“I did really fancy her,”
02:42
then it’s just not going to work, so we might as well cut our losses
02:45
now and part ways.
02:46
As hurtful as it could be to tell Bonnie now,
02:48
“Look, I need some space,” it’s better to do it now
02:50
than it is five, ten years down the line, when there is a lot
02:53
more baggage, a lot more commitment, and it would be breaking Bonnie.
02:56
I’m not prepared to keep wasting my time.
03:00
Do we move on together or apart, really?
03:02
This is definitely a make or break, yeah.
03:24
How are you feeling?
03:25
A bit nervous. How about you?
03:27
My hands are, like, sweating.
03:36
My dream girl has got to be blonde.
03:38
Got to be blonde.
03:41
She’s got to have a good set of boobs.
03:43
I shouldn’t be saying this.
03:47
Blue eyes and good figure and good personality.
03:50
I think the opportunity to meet somebody that’s that little bit
03:53
more chilled out, not so high maintenance,
03:55
it would probably be a really, really good thing for me.
04:00
Hello.
04:02
You all right?
04:03
Hi. I’m Steve.
04:04
Hi, nice to meet you. Hiya. How are you?
04:07
I’m good, thank you. I feel like I’ve just met my twin.
04:09
I was going to say…. You look very similar.
04:12
It feels so awkward. It is just a tad awkward. So weird, yeah.
04:16
A little bit.
04:19
So my name is Shannon, I’m 23 years old and I’ve been single
04:21
for about eight or nine months now.
04:25
Friends describe me as the life of the party, maybe.
04:27
SHE LAUGHS
04:29
Never dated anyone in a relationship before.
04:32
It’s not ideal, but if he’s happy to do it I might as well give
04:35
it a shot. I’m just going to go with the flow and, hopefully,
04:38
I’ll have a nice night.
04:40
I’ll leave you to it. All right. Have fun. Shall we go off?
04:42
Not too much fun, or I will kill you.
04:45
THEY LAUGH
04:49
I wouldn’t wear what she is wearing and I don’t know whether for Stevie
04:52
that’ll be, like, he doesn’t like that.
04:54
I just don’t know.
04:56
Cheers.
04:58
The red dress was a little bonus – she was like Little Red Riding Hood.
05:02
So, this is still like a really weird scenario.
05:05
This? Yeah. Yeah.
05:07
My girlfriend is about 30 feet away from you and I don’t know
05:10
how I feel about that.
05:12
Yeah, but can you be yourself?
05:13
I can be.
05:15
I’m kind of pretending this is one of those situations where I’m not
05:17
doing anything wrong, so…
05:19
Yeah, well, you’re both doing the same thing, so… Exactly.
05:41
My dream type of person is tall,
05:44
someone who is quite bubbly
05:47
and friendly and can just talk.
05:51
If someone can make me laugh, that’s such a key point.
05:54
Yeah, he’d probably sweep me off my feet, to be honest.
05:57
And I know as well Stevie will be like, “I hope some, like,
06:00
“mixed race guy don’t walk in,” because he’ll know then
06:03
straight away I’m going to be like, “Oh, hi!”
06:05
Hey, hi. Hiya, how are you? I’m good.
06:09
Nice to meet you. I’m Bonnie.
06:10
Nice to meet you as well. How’s it going?
06:12
I’ve just spotted, out of the corner of my eye, Bonnie’s date.
06:15
How are you doing?
06:17
Yeah, I’m all right. Yeah?
06:22
My name is Moses, I’m 25 and I’ve been single
06:24
for about a year now.
06:26
I think my friends would describe me as an eccentric person.
06:30
But I can be – at times – a hopeless romantic.
06:32
That’s what we’re all trying to strive for,
06:34
we’re all trying to find the one.
06:36
I’m here to sort of test the waters a bit and be a bit of a menace
06:39
in this relationship, see if it can really stand the test.
06:42
Whatever happens, happens.
06:43
If I like the girl, she likes me, then who are we to stand
06:46
in the way of love?
06:55
Isn’t that a bit…? You can kind of see them.
06:58
I know, I keep looking. Forget him for tonight.
07:00
Tonight, you’re single.
07:06
So am I your ideal on paper?
07:08
Really?
07:10
Yeah.
07:11
So, what shall we do tonight?
07:13
The restaurant in here looks really nice.
07:15
Sounds good.
07:17
Right, I’m just going to go and pop to the ladies’, all right?
07:19
Yeah, no worries.
07:20
Enjoy.
07:44
You all right? Yeah.
07:46
OK? All good.
07:50
Where were we?
07:51
What’s your type? What’s the normal sort of guy you go for?
07:55
Dark hair, dark stubble,
07:58
tall, tattoos, not much!
08:01
SHE LAUGHS
08:02
I’m probably matching half of those things.
08:04
But I’m 6’6″, which you’ve probably seen me standing.
08:08
Tattoos, I’ve just seen one on your ankle.
08:10
Yeah. It’s a little one. Have you got a few?
08:11
I’m in the middle of creating my own at the moment.
08:13
She is showing him her leg now, so I don’t really know what’s going on.
08:16
Is that not all right?
08:18
I can show a bit of leg as well –
08:20
get him jealous.
08:21
Moses has definitely, like, got the charm and he has definitely got
08:24
the banter and I think we’re going to have so much fun,
08:27
just because he has already made me laugh so much.
08:30
Shall we go now? Yeah.
08:33
We’ll make it an enjoyable experience…
08:35
Behave, you two. I’m watching you.
08:37
Sorry, you’ve lost her already, pal.
08:41
Sorry. I had to.
08:43
He just…
08:45
Shall we get something to eat?
08:46
Yeah. Let’s go. Let’s go get something to eat.
08:48
She’s lovely, a really nice girl.
08:50
Who knows? We’ll just see how it goes. I’m just going to have a good
08:53
time out, who knows? We could be pals.
08:55
But it could be more. I guess that’s the point of tonight –
08:57
we’re going to find out one way or the other.
09:16
It’s a nice rose. I know, it’s a shame it’s plastic.
09:20
It’s pla…? Oh, you’re right.
09:22
Hopefully it will last as long as our love, huh?
09:26
Great line. Well charming.
09:28
That came straight off the top of my head, that one.
09:30
That one, yeah, it wasn’t rehearsed at all.
09:37
Why don’t we play a little game? A quickfire thing.
09:40
OK. Like, your favourite thing – and see if we’ve got
09:42
much in common. OK.
09:45
Favourite topping on a pizza.
09:47
Ham and pineapple. Ham and pineapple, yes!
09:49
That’s one. OK, you have to buy one car, what do you get?
09:53
Lamborghini. Yes! Yes!
09:57
OK. Favourite city?
09:59
New York. Yes!
10:01
Yes? OK, this is going too well.
10:03
Bye, Bonnie. What?! I can’t say that. Bye-ee!
10:06
It’s so strange, being on a first date again.
10:10
There’s part of me that’s going, “You should not be here right now.”
10:14
Well, here’s to us.
10:15
Yeah, cheers.
10:17
Thanks for coming on a date with me.
10:19
No, I’m glad I could be at your service.
10:31
DISHES CLATTER
10:39
I’m so hungry. I’m starving.
10:41
How do you think you pronounce that one?
10:44
Strozzapreti! That sounds about right.
10:47
Yeah?
10:48
I’m not an Italian, but… Yeah, I liked your accent. ..strozzapreti.
10:58
Now we’re sat on a date here… Yeah?
11:01
..are you thinking about me more or are you thinking
11:05
about Bonnie and her date more?
11:07
So, right now, I’m more interested in you. I want to…
11:10
Oh, no! I thought I’d do that.
11:14
Don’t do that! Stop it!
11:19
Nice breast.
11:21
Oh, God, the most cheesiest thing.
11:23
I know, I’m sorry.
11:25
The date is going really, really well, actually.
11:28
We’ve got so much in common, he’s making me laugh,
11:31
we’ve got a bit of banter going on.
11:33
Yeah, I do like him. He’s nice, yeah.
11:51
If you had to pick one thing about me,
11:53
one feature, that you wish Stevie had, what would it be?
11:58
What, about your look or about your personality?
12:01
Everything.
12:04
What I like about you is I could see that you would respect a girl a lot
12:08
and you would do whatever it takes to keep that girl,
12:11
and I think…I feel like sometimes that is missing with Stevie.
12:21
If you could choose a night in with Bonnie or a night out
12:24
with the lads, which one would you choose?
12:28
Be honest.
12:30
Sorry, Bonnie, a night out with the lads.
12:34
You just need it, it keeps you sane.
12:36
It does.
12:40
Do you feel like he’s trustworthy?
12:41
Like, I know Stevie very well, but I don’t know what he’s like
12:45
around other females.
12:47
I think one of the things with Bonnie is, because she has had not
12:50
nice exes, she takes it out on me a little bit.
12:53
I can only reassure her so much to a point now where she is giving
12:57
me such a hard time and it’s making me feel like this,
12:59
that I don’t want to commit.
13:01
You’ll know tomorrow.
13:02
Yeah, I’ll know tomorrow.
13:04
I might be a single man, I don’t know, you know what I mean?
13:06
Oh! She might break up with me.
13:08
Yeah, but you might break up with her.
13:17
What is he like on a night out, when you’re with him?
13:19
He gets carried away in situations and gets to a point where he does
13:26
stuff and says things he probably shouldn’t.
13:30
I feel like my role here is to tell you how much of a catch
13:33
you are and that you don’t need to be messing around with a dude
13:36
that’s happy to be in a relationship for four years
13:40
and not go anywhere with it, you know?
13:42
I think you should realise your own worth, you know? Mm.
13:55
I’m at that point now where it’s make or break.
13:59
We’ve been together for four years.
14:00
We now need to move on or we just need to cut our losses.
14:03
If you’re so in love with each other
14:05
then you wouldn’t be sat here.
14:12
Do you think he wants to sort of see what else is out there,
14:16
sort of play the field?
14:18
I have felt like that.
14:20
I’ve said to him in the past, “If you need to go off and do
14:23
“what you’ve got to do, like go and be with other girls
14:26
“and do all of that, then we can come back and reassess it.”
14:29
And you would be OK with that?
14:31
It depends what he did, but I thought maybe him having that time
14:35
would make him realise, “Do you know what, actually?
14:38
“I want to be with her.”
14:40
I think you should take control.
14:42
Like, it should be… Do you know what I mean?
14:44
Like, I feel a lot of it is based on what he’s doing right now
14:47
and forget about him for a second, you know? Yeah.
14:50
Think about what is making you happy.
14:52
I feel like part of me feels like my life is on hold
14:57
until he makes his decision.
14:58
It’s hard to think that the outcome of this could be that I’m not
15:02
actually going to be with him.
15:04
But something needs to change, or we just can’t be together right now.
15:13
So, dinner is on me.
15:15
I can’t allow that. Honestly.
15:17
Yeah, but I’ve never done that. I always pay half.
15:20
And that’s because no-one has treated you as well as I…
15:22
..will…
15:24
..may do. I’m paying the bill.
15:30
Shall we go Dutch?
15:32
Shall we split the bill?
15:33
Yeah, let’s split it.
15:37
That’s… I didn’t know what you meant.
15:40
It’s an odd expression.
15:44
Moses, he’s just so genuine and sweet and a guy like that,
15:48
like, you’re winning.
15:50
Oh, that was good though.
15:52
If I’m honest, I think she should get rid of him.
15:55
I don’t think she is ever going to get that level
15:59
of commitment from him.
16:00
Thank you so much! My pleasure.
16:02
I think there is better out there for her.
16:05
It was so nice. Have a lovely evening.
16:07
Ooh! Bye.
16:09
SHE LAUGHS
16:11
I’ve had such a nice evening, but the scenario that is
16:14
concerning me the most now is whether Stevie wants the date
16:18
to carry on and if they’re going to have a drink after dinner.
16:21
I’d be so upset.
16:23
Yeah, that would be really hard for me to deal with.
16:26
I was just going to say, “Shall we get a few more drinks?”
16:33
OK. Come on, let’s go. Let’s go.
16:45
Got it! Wham! Yes!
16:47
Woo! Right, one side, like that.
16:50
Straighten your body and roll it.
16:54
I can only do so much.
16:56
Your tactics are not working.
16:58
Hello!
17:02
So, you live in Gloucester. I live in Enfield.
17:05
Yeah. If we was to date… Yeah. ..who would move to who?
17:09
Smack, bam in the middle, then it’s fair on each one.
17:12
Smack, bam. Yeah.
17:14
Until things get a little bit more serious… Serious?
17:16
..and then decide.
17:18
I’ll have a think about it.
17:20
You best do.
17:21
Shall we get a few more drinks? Go for it.
17:51
I didn’t get as much sleep as I would have hoped.
17:53
My mind just had a lot on it.
17:55
She’s going to want to see if this whole first date and dating other
17:59
people really is for me.
18:00
It’s pivotal now.
18:02
Which way does the relationship move now?
18:05
I know in my head how I feel.
18:07
I’ve no idea how Bonnie is feeling.
18:14
I think going on the date last night made me realise
18:17
that I don’t need to be with Stevie to be myself and be happy.
18:25
For me, I feel like if going on a date with someone else hasn’t
18:28
made you realise what you want, then he needs to be on his own,
18:32
he needs to be single and do what he needs to do
18:34
to figure that out.
18:35
I just need to realise, like, what I’m worth without Stevie.
19:16
Hi. Hello. You all right?
19:21
Why are you crying?
19:23
It’s just such a hard situation.
19:26
Sit down.
19:35
How was your date?
19:39
The date was good, I enjoyed myself.
19:43
How did you feel about her, though?
19:45
Like, be honest with me.
19:50
I think I said to her that I’d done well or that I was lucky.
19:53
Lucky in what way? That she was your date?
19:56
Yeah.
19:58
In all honesty, if I was single and she asked for a second date…
20:05
..I would say yes because I would’ve…
20:07
So you did like her then?
20:09
If I never spoke to her again,
20:11
it would be a shame because she is a lovely girl.
20:13
That much? No!
20:15
Would it have been different if I was actually single?
20:18
Yeah, probably.
20:23
For me, like, Moses, he was such a lovely guy.
20:27
Like, our personalities just hit so well.
20:31
He ticked every box.
20:34
But I’m not fussed at all that I will not see him again,
20:38
but for you to say that if it was a different situation,
20:42
now you’re going to be thinking, “I wonder what she’s up to or…
20:45
This is what happens and this is the problem in our relationship,
20:48
you run at 100 miles an hour and start making
20:50
up all these situations in your head – like I talk about.
20:53
You think that it’s just me, but I think that millions of girls
20:59
will understand exactly where I’m coming from. Yeah?
21:03
For me, it’s a real shock how into her you were.
21:08
That’s unfair because you are giving me a hard time
21:11
because I’m being honest.
21:12
If Moses was your type and he had the personality,
21:14
are you going to turn around and say if you were single
21:17
you wouldn’t have wanted a second date? Yeah, but…
21:19
Please just answer that.
21:21
Yeah, and I agree with you. I understand…
21:23
So how is that my fault?
21:25
There is nothing wrong with just being friends
21:28
and just seeing what they get up to.
21:29
That does not mean I’m going to go on a second date.
21:31
Yeah, you can have girl friends, I don’t have a problem with that.
21:35
What I have a problem with is when these girl friends
21:38
start to become best friends –
21:40
that is what gets my back up.
21:44
But in order for this relationship to move on, you’ve got to be able
21:47
to allow me to have that
21:49
bit of trust with people of the opposite sex.
21:51
Because you know what you are like, darling, you know.
21:54
Yeah. I am not denying that. And just because she was pretty
21:57
and blonde and had a good personality,
21:59
her personality was not yours.
22:03
I’ve admitted I give you a hard time because I think
22:06
underneath there’s that fear of like…
22:11
Don’t cry.
22:13
Don’t cry.
22:15
Come on.
22:20
Like, that fear of what I’m going to lose if I lose you.
22:29
What I’ve realised is that…
22:33
..I need to be better behaved in a way
22:36
that I don’t give you anything to worry about.
22:39
Honestly, I promise you, just release that leash a little bit
22:43
and let me live my life with you and you’ll see a much
22:48
different side to me. You will see a much more honest
22:51
and approachable person if you just trust me that little bit more.
22:57
I am completely devoted to you and I do want to take our
23:01
relationship to the next level.
23:02
If that means we move out tomorrow,
23:04
let’s throw caution to the wind and jump out.
23:07
Oh, really? And let’s do it,
23:08
because I really, really do love you and I really hope that in 30,
23:12
40 years, me and you are still together with our little ones,
23:15
our little Beevies running around, you know.
23:17
This has made me realise that this is what I want now,
23:19
so let’s compromise, let’s work with each other
23:22
and let’s talk.
23:23
For me, this is everything I could ask for – to just have you.
23:27
We’ve got a good relationship, Bonnie, it’s special. I love you.
23:34
Shall we go? Yeah, let’s go.
23:38
This has been so amazing to do and it’s been really hard
23:43
and it has touched, like, emotions that I never thought it would.
23:47
But this is kind of like a chance
23:50
to really start to build our future together.
23:54
All those doubts now are completely gone,
23:57
they are out of my mind. And you know what?
23:59
I feel like a new man.
24:01
Bonnie is the one and I’m really happy.
24:03
I couldn’t have hoped for a better ending.
Up next
—
What’s your take? Comment below or write a response and submit to us your own point of view or reaction here at the red box, below, which links to our submissions portal.
◊♦◊
Sign up for our Writing Prompts email to receive writing inspiration in your inbox twice per week.
If you believe in the work we are doing here at The Good Men Project, please join us as a Premium Member, today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
A $50 annual membership gives you an all-access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class, and community.
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group, and our online communities.
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.
Register New Account
Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
◊♦◊
Get the best stories from The Good Men Project delivered straight to your inbox, here.