By Button Poetry
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Omar Holmon, performing at Camp Bar in Saint Paul, MN.
Transcript provided by YouTube:
00:08
oh
00:10
it’s like wrestlemania for poetry out
00:12
this [ __ ]
00:17
damn right that’s why i wore this [ __ ]
00:21
i’m gonna [ __ ] with this a little bit
00:22
how the [ __ ] you guys doing tonight man
00:26
oh you guys are looking good i’m sorry
00:28
let me
00:31
imagine it’s like
00:34
like i’m not good with fractions so it’s
00:36
like a little magic mic
00:40
i want my money back all right so i’m
00:43
gonna read
00:44
some poems and [ __ ] for you guys uh
00:45
hopefully you’ll like it um if you don’t
00:47
keep that [ __ ] to yourself i don’t
00:49
really
00:51
doesn’t concern me at all all right
00:54
so we’re gonna have some fun tonight and
00:56
i love this like bob barker-esque mic
00:58
right here it’s like
01:00
small but like gets the job done
01:09
that’s what she said but she’s an audio
01:12
technician
01:13
change your perspective
01:18
we’re going to have fun
01:21
[Applause]
01:23
jennifer falu has a poem entitled 10
01:25
things i want to say to a black man
01:29
this ain’t that poem
01:32
this is 10 things i want to say to a
01:34
black nerd
01:37
one it’s so hard being a black nerd
01:50
two the books you love
01:54
don’t have many heroes or villains that
01:56
look like you
01:57
it’s not the color but the content of
01:59
the characters that keep you reading
02:00
three
02:01
you thank god for donald glover and his
02:03
songs as childish gambino
02:06
listening to him is like having nikola
02:08
tesla sitting shotgun
02:10
in the delorean while doing pie
02:14
sorry donuts in a gamestop parking lot
02:17
top down as tesla says
02:19
is that the new nil degrasse tyson
02:20
mixtape
02:22
homie turn that [ __ ] up
02:27
four batman super power
02:32
is white privilege
02:42
[Applause]
02:49
that has nothing to do with the rest of
02:51
this poem
02:53
i just felt it really needed to be said
02:57
five there’s nothing more beautiful than
02:59
a black nerd girl
03:00
any time you see proof that they exist
03:02
it makes you dance dance revolutions
03:04
around your heart
03:04
if she has natural hair and wants to
03:06
converse about converse
03:11
plus 25 skill points if she talks trash
03:15
if she talks trash whenever she beats
03:16
your ass in mario kart
03:18
plus 25 damage points if she [ __ ] with
03:22
steven universe and got excited that
03:23
beyonce is having twins
03:24
oh
03:25
[Applause]
03:28
there’s no calculation for how sexy that
03:31
is six
03:32
when you get the girl you remember every
03:34
detail like how the paint on her nails
03:36
chips into isolated islands when you get
03:38
the boy you’ll reminisce on how he made
03:40
oblivious
03:41
look like the new abstinence when you
03:43
have each other you recall the memory as
03:45
an 8-bit adventure call it old school
03:47
call it classic whatever symbolizes at
03:49
the moment
03:50
was an arcade high score you both
03:52
achieved together
03:54
seven [ __ ]
04:00
your most hood moment
04:03
was on game of thrones
04:07
when they killed ned stark
04:13
even as i said now inside you’re saying
04:14
to yourself that come on [ __ ] not son
04:16
they killed my [ __ ] not for those of
04:18
you that don’t know
04:22
for nerds ned stark’s death is
04:24
equivalent to when hip-hop heads
04:26
lost biggie smalls
04:29
or when friends went up the air for
04:31
white people eight
04:40
eight your black friends say hand over
04:42
your black card because you never
04:44
watched the wire
04:44
your white friends think that having
04:46
watched the wire it’s okay for them to
04:48
say they’re
04:49
blacker than you are so nerd is a new
04:51
black because
04:52
everybody want to be a nerd but don’t
04:54
nobody want to be a nerd
04:56
nine a nerd off is the closest you will
04:58
ever come to freestyle battle rapping
05:02
except that it occurs whenever someone
05:05
corrects you on a topic obnoxiously
05:07
should you choose to engage in this
05:09
battle royale effects
05:10
your torch always sounds something like
05:12
this actually if we’re going to keep it
05:13
100
05:14
blade is a series that kicked off all
05:16
this comic book movie [ __ ] for everybody
05:19
and once you see that look at oh he
05:21
about to murder me on their face
05:22
you highlander them with the stare that
05:24
says you’re gonna get this work because
05:26
i’m a grade school graduate with a
05:28
masters in the universe and you ain’t
05:30
bout
05:31
this life be ten
05:37
it’s so hard being a black nerd slinging
05:40
six-sided die in the block
05:41
keeping it retro when you pop out the
05:43
nintendo 64
05:45
like a six foe impala all black
05:47
everything because that’s what you’ve
05:49
always been
05:50
everything from chuck taylors to
05:52
lightsabers
05:53
from press start to game over
06:09
all my poems end with body rolls now i
06:11
don’t know if you were made aware but
06:14
is that what you call that it is
06:17
whoo oh i’d like to thank the people uh
06:20
joining us on the live stream that you
06:21
stopped writing your fan fiction to be
06:23
here
06:25
get back to that [ __ ] all right
06:28
i ship it
06:32
this is this is me all right
06:37
at an open casting call for background
06:39
hobbits in the movie
06:41
the hobbit an indian woman showed up and
06:44
was told
06:45
no you can’t be in this movie
06:49
because you’re too brown to be a hobbit
06:53
from comedian wyatt snack
06:56
meanwhile in middle earth me and my
06:59
[ __ ] tying bandanas around the horns
07:00
of our unicorns
07:02
there’s a hoard of mackerel gresham’s
07:04
headed toward us and we ready to ride
07:05
out because i’ll be goddamned that they
07:07
gentrify our homeland
07:09
that plus 999 phantom armor on my chest
07:12
dripping candy paint
07:13
got this [ __ ] looking like black death
07:15
excellence got this [ __ ] looking like
07:17
what dragon gonna smite me i’m thinking
07:20
no white privilege conjured against me
07:22
shall prosper but if it does they’ll
07:24
have to roll with the die
07:25
not the role to die with the still peace
07:27
on my side an obsidian blade on my hip
07:30
called perfect dark
07:31
given to me by the lady yancey of the
07:33
lake she said
07:34
it’s dangerous to go and be black boy
07:36
alone take this
07:38
right before she black girl magic a
07:40
sword
07:41
a pink blackness onto the kid when it
07:43
leaves the sheet
07:44
all you hear is oh [ __ ]
07:48
with each swing in battle you can hear
07:50
it sing the names of all my lost kin
07:52
sounds like thousands of black bodies
07:54
calling for the blood or whatever false
07:56
god these sorcerers of
07:58
love and light scapegoat their actions
07:59
behind whatever
08:01
false god deemed white magic the
08:02
privilege to the right of being right
08:04
you guys are concerned a little bit this
08:06
is not a call for the race war or
08:07
anything like that like
08:09
just a poem like world of warcraft style
08:11
like
08:12
it’s you’re safe here it’s okay
08:15
[Applause]
08:17
it’s okay america
08:21
the readers of this should know this is
08:23
totally a metaphor for the race wars
08:25
that is in fact coming
08:32
and i roll with a squad of southside
08:35
sages
08:35
that rock their wizard hats cocked to
08:37
the side like fitty caps
08:39
elder scrolls taped across the waist
08:41
spells
08:42
tatted on a neck down for a flyby
08:45
riding on a griffon with that rosewood
08:48
wood wand locked and loaded with a
08:50
banana clip full of mana in the chamber
08:52
shouting south side hufflepuff till i
08:54
die
09:00
reproductive our environment none of us
09:02
sure we live to see 21
09:04
thousand years of age i buried a brother
09:07
in arms last night
09:09
her body a pine box rap gift back to the
09:12
earth her spear
09:13
still chest deep through a cyclops that
09:15
bit off more than he could [ __ ] with
09:17
but that [ __ ] that won’t make the front
09:18
page of your local fiction novel because
09:20
they want to say we don’t belong
09:22
here is if we didn’t exist in this time
09:26
as if we ain’t from the same middle
09:28
earth when my mother’s mother fought
09:31
dire wolves
09:32
giants and kings drunk off their own
09:34
manifest destiny to keep
09:36
this piece of earth in her family for
09:37
five millennia so i’ll be damned if we
09:39
give home up
09:41
be damned if our banner comes down be
09:43
damned if i come back on my shield
09:45
without a fistful of crowns to show for
09:47
it because once we’re done with this
09:48
horde
09:49
the lord the reigns gonna run the jewels
09:51
and they’ll probably send some systemic
09:53
oppressions
09:55
but we’ll still be here on our piece of
09:59
earth
10:00
from the same middle earth
10:03
off our own divinity
10:19
you get the body roll when you deserve
10:20
the body
10:24
oh man i was doing push-ups before i
10:28
came here i hope it oh
10:30
no no no the laughter didn’t help thank
10:32
you like no it didn’t work it didn’t
10:33
maybe you should do some [ __ ] more
10:35
dude get back to the poems all right i
10:36
will
10:39
ah there’s no like there’s like i don’t
10:40
know there’s no like smooth jazz way to
10:42
introduce to like the next poem so i’m
10:43
just gonna
10:45
why is it smooth jazz it’s just [ __ ]
10:47
jazz man when you start [ __ ] classic
10:48
jazz
10:49
no don’t give me elevator [ __ ] music
10:50
just give me the [ __ ] jazz man
10:53
that’s nothing to do with this poem but
10:54
let’s just get to this [ __ ]
11:01
after being dumped on new year’s day
11:13
which is two weeks before my birthday
11:17
that’s just in the poem right there i’m
11:20
in my room
11:21
processing this and pouting the key word
11:23
here
11:24
is pouting
11:28
when my mother walks by opens the door
11:30
and says oh god
11:35
[Music]
11:38
if you’re gonna cry over a girl at least
11:40
cry over a girl with her own hair
11:42
slam
11:51
to which i replied i’m not crying you’re
11:53
crying shut up
11:59
i believe what we had was magic to mom
12:01
teaches me to spot the sleight of hand
12:03
mahogany brown
12:04
often praises black girl magic magic is
12:06
defined as
12:08
an extraordinary power seemingly from a
12:10
supernatural source
12:12
i watched girl made a california love
12:15
tend to her hair like garden
12:16
unwrapped strands of silk scarf cocoon
12:18
that bloom curl shaped petals waters
12:20
each with their own concoction made from
12:22
lemon juice
12:23
avocado shea butter and coconut oil i
12:26
feel
12:28
like i’m watching an alchemist convert
12:30
wool into golden fleece
12:33
i asked does this ritual ever make you
12:35
feel like a wizard
12:36
she says muggles won’t understand this
12:38
magic
12:40
i see no illusion in her art the closest
12:44
i’ve come to understanding black girl
12:45
magic is in the story of henrietta lacks
12:48
a black woman that had cells from her
12:50
cervical cancer unknowingly donated
12:52
to science it is discovered these cells
12:54
can be kept alive and grow
12:56
now a black woman living after her death
12:59
becoming the blueprint for cures
13:01
after her death what could be more magic
13:03
than that
13:06
what could be more supernatural source
13:08
than that they become known as the
13:10
immortal cell line
13:12
her name race and family aren’t afforded
13:15
the same luxury notice
13:17
but in the name of science history will
13:19
say donated
13:20
when they mean taken history will say
13:22
cultivated when it means stolen history
13:24
will say discovered when they mean look
13:26
at what we own
13:27
now by all rights this should mean that
13:30
black girls can be defined as a
13:31
supernatural source from which
13:33
extraordinary power is constantly being
13:35
derived from
13:36
i know this to be no sleight of hand
13:38
when moments after my mother became
13:40
past tense i sat with my head on her
13:43
deathbed
13:45
apologizing for not being there i’m
13:47
sorry
13:48
became my mantra i’m sorry became my
13:51
incantation
13:52
my last ingredient to a spell i wanted
13:54
to believe
13:55
would bring her back if i just meant it
13:58
enough years later
14:00
i made a girl conjured from sea salt and
14:02
tonic and the things they say about her
14:04
i heard
14:05
she’s a slave ship’s reckoning said her
14:07
path to america was an immortal line of
14:09
outstretched black palms from the
14:11
atlantic sea
14:13
the lord’s work when she walks i hear an
14:16
unorthodox book of memory in her laugh
14:18
taste the remnants of a spell she cast
14:20
in a cauldron a black lipstick as i
14:22
bestowed the biggest honor i could think
14:25
of and tell her my mother would have
14:26
loved you
14:29
because my mother is
14:35
because my mother was
14:39
she was magic
14:53
have you reached the part where people
14:54
die i thought it was gonna be funny all
14:55
the way through
14:56
no i’m going through things
15:00
so are you by default now
15:06
i’m 15 at a small circus and my mother
15:08
is trying to convince me to ride the
15:10
elephant
15:12
i don’t want to ride the elephant
15:15
i am now on the elephant
15:18
correction i am now on the elephant with
15:21
a bunch of five-year-olds
15:24
yeah elephants are self-aware and able
15:27
to recognize their own reflections in
15:28
the mirror
15:29
i’m 21 and mom is telling me a story
15:31
about an elephant in the zoo
15:33
that recognized a man that wronged him
15:35
years ago
15:36
when a man gets close to the cage the
15:38
elephant grabs him and chokes him to
15:40
death
15:41
with justice trunk mom says i wonder
15:44
what the man did to piss the elephant
15:46
off
15:46
that much this prompts me to speak for
15:48
the elephant and say [ __ ]
15:52
i told you i wanted jiffy peanut butter
15:55
you thought i couldn’t tell that was
15:56
skippy you thought i would remember that
15:59
[ __ ]
16:01
mom laughs till her cheeks are all
16:03
waterfall
16:04
elephants have the largest brains of all
16:06
land animals the larger the mass the
16:08
better the memory
16:09
i’m 25 when my mother says she knows how
16:11
much i’ve always wanted a pet
16:13
so she got me one i’m like oh [ __ ] i got
16:17
a puppy
16:19
she’s like oh [ __ ] you’re gonna be
16:21
disappointed
16:23
it does start with the pea though in my
16:25
room there’s a bamboo plant
16:28
placed inside the back of a ceramic
16:30
green elephant
16:31
the elephant is posed mid-march it made
16:34
me think of you
16:36
how you’re always on the go i named the
16:39
elephant after my favorite book
16:41
precious little life i’m 26 in writing a
16:44
poem about the different names given to
16:46
describe a group of animals my teammate
16:48
points out that a group of elephants is
16:50
called a memory
16:51
elephants have been known to die and
16:54
remain standing well after death i’m 26
16:56
and mom is lying down in a hospital bed
16:58
elephants will travel to where members
17:00
of their herd have died
17:02
and mourn their loss i’m 26 and
17:04
migrating has become second nature to me
17:05
now
17:09
i just turned 27 and the loss of my
17:13
mother has become the elephant in the
17:14
room
17:16
migration is still such second nature
17:19
i move out of our apartment i move in
17:22
with the friend
17:25
i can move everything but on
17:30
weeks later he apologizes for his cat
17:33
knocking over my bamboo plant
17:36
he glued the elephant back together but
17:38
the damage is still visible
17:41
how fitting that if you look hard enough
17:46
you can see all the cracks in my
17:47
precious little life
18:09
somebody blew their nose and it sounded
18:10
like an elephant
18:15
that was funny to me huh
18:20
when you were here you’d say i won’t
18:23
always be around to do this for you
18:26
when you weren’t around anymore you said
18:32
isabelle had three children i’m the
18:35
youngest
18:36
when i was in trouble she’d stumble
18:38
through the first two’s names
18:39
before getting to mind casey travis omar
18:44
depending on how much trouble i was in
18:46
it was my job to just know who she was
18:48
addressing
18:49
you know who you are get your ass over
18:54
here
18:56
you know how you hear the ocean when you
18:58
put your ear to a seashell
19:00
but you know it’s not the ocean it’s
19:03
just the coincidence that the column of
19:05
nothing sounds so familiar
19:09
i wish there was something of yours left
19:12
that i could put my ear to
19:16
and hear the familiar of your voice
19:19
stumbling from my name
19:34
do this next poem here oh i got like
19:36
maybe like two or three more poems uh
19:38
short and then we’ll end on a one on
19:40
something that’s not short
19:42
uh yeah
19:47
all right sorry for this oh i’m not i’m
19:50
not reading a poem i’m just going to
19:52
tell will evans that i’m killing this
19:53
[ __ ]
19:53
so i am killing
19:57
this feature
20:01
i want to make sure there’s no typos
20:03
this is
20:04
me [ __ ]
20:08
[Applause]
20:09
[Music]
20:10
i told you i told you i put this [ __ ] in
20:11
there somehow will all right
20:14
let’s get to this all right i hope you
20:18
guys have been enjoying yourself so far
20:27
i write for a site called black nerd
20:28
problems so if you want to like if
20:29
you’re at home and you want to like
20:30
visit that
20:31
you can do that or if i bored you here
20:34
and you’re like oh when the [ __ ] is
20:35
going to shut up you can do that too
20:36
there’s merchandise on there too you can
20:38
buy a shirt that says black nerf
20:39
problems and it’s okay to wear it if
20:40
you’re not a person of color just be
20:42
ready to have that conversation
20:47
every everybody want to be an ally but
20:49
don’t nobody want to be an allies let’s
20:50
see what side you choose
20:58
all right we’re getting back to a
21:00
serious note here
21:04
this is a hard one
21:10
a list of things that get said during
21:12
the act of sex but are left out of sex
21:17
poems
21:24
welcome to my feature
21:28
one that’s my butt
21:33
thank you
21:37
two oh like you don’t run red lights
21:49
i’m not gonna feed you baby birds i’m
21:50
not gonna feed you
21:53
three i’m not sure i’m comfortable with
21:55
choking you
22:00
four lower lower higher there
22:05
five they’ll be trying to get some head
22:07
on friday and you still got your tuesday
22:09
drawers on
22:18
six wait i gotta pee seven
22:21
[Applause]
22:23
if we’re in a rush we could just do it
22:25
through the zipper
22:30
eight what’s the threat count on these
22:32
sheets again
22:35
nine i dreamed you this way each night
22:39
portrait beautiful against the bedsheets
22:41
outline
22:43
i’ve needed to drink from your lips for
22:44
so long and right now i pray you thirsty
22:46
as i am
22:48
pray you not mirage pray we oasis into
22:51
each other quickly
22:57
ten that’s my butt
23:03
keep going
23:16
you guys
23:20
the heart is just the play in two parts
23:24
one i can’t help but believe if the
23:27
women i loved
23:29
were gathered at a table the general
23:32
consensus among them would be all right
23:36
the good thing about omar is that he
23:39
doesn’t take anything seriously
23:46
the bad thing about omar is that he
23:49
doesn’t take anything seriously
23:52
the sex was incredible though write that
23:53
down
23:56
asterisk right by that
23:59
two my love is gentrification at its
24:03
best
24:04
once it’s over i bury every recollection
24:07
and familiar under high rises and
24:09
parking lots till my heart
24:10
doesn’t recognize neighborhood can’t
24:12
afford the cost of living
24:14
and is forced out of where he grew up
24:16
all the while still complaining that he
24:17
still has a right to be here
24:19
as if he gets some say in the
24:21
anti-matter is if he thinks that i won’t
24:23
burn this bridge between us just because
24:25
i’m still standing on it all of which is
24:27
to say
24:29
do you know how long it took to be okay
24:33
with not being okay
24:44
ah i give you the deep [ __ ]
24:45
[ __ ]
24:47
all right so uh thank you guys for
24:50
having me
24:51
we’re gonna do this uh last poem here
24:55
uh let’s
25:00
i’m washed up man i remember
25:03
the last time i was here in st it was
25:04
like eight years ago man it’s during
25:06
slam man it was like
25:08
it was it was a it was a who was a tough
25:10
slam it was
25:12
flashbacks
25:15
all right let’s do this uh
25:18
what what why i won’t do that [ __ ] you
25:22
won’t know
25:23
it ain’t summer body’s not there yet
25:26
soon
25:26
soon soon
25:30
the push-ups at home have been paying
25:31
off all right so let’s do this last poem
25:33
hope you like it and [ __ ] then we’re
25:34
gonna get back to this kick-ass [ __ ]
25:35
slam that makes me glad i’m not slamming
25:37
anymore because these are [ __ ]
25:38
killers in this [ __ ] so
25:40
let’s just do that during a phone
25:43
conversation over religion
25:48
zack morris time out real fast this is
25:50
the same girl that dumped me by the way
25:52
like the other the other poem was a
25:53
prequel to this all right so we’re gonna
25:58
during a phone conversation over
26:00
religion i told my ex that i didn’t pray
26:03
i believe in god but it’s just something
26:05
that i didn’t do
26:06
after this discovery she said she didn’t
26:09
know if she could date me
26:10
anymore so that i wasn’t devout in my
26:12
faith i said hold on
26:13
how are you going to judge me saying i’m
26:16
lost
26:17
saying i’m not devout in my faith saying
26:20
i’m not a man
26:21
because i like to sleep with a sunflower
26:22
nightlight on i i never said that you
26:24
told me that was a glade plug-in
26:25
whatever yo
26:28
listen i then proceeded to inform her
26:31
wait
26:31
i’m sorry school her on a small company
26:34
in vermont
26:34
that produced a toaster that burns the
26:37
image of jesus christ
26:38
onto slices of bread i don’t know what
26:39
the name of the company’s called
26:41
so let’s just call it [ __ ] awesome
26:43
because forty dollars later
26:45
plus shipping and handling guess who’s
26:48
got a [ __ ] awesome toaster
26:51
that’s right me and it doesn’t stop
26:53
there this toaster
26:55
knows no race gender or creed it accepts
26:57
all types of bread
26:58
equally i’m talking white bread
27:02
rye bread pop and nickel
27:05
ha raisin bread sourdough
27:08
i even customized it so that when the
27:10
toast pops up the toaster goes
27:13
and [ __ ] does fly out all that [ __ ]
27:29
oh it’s tied to that never mind
27:33
me i said me i have breakfast jesus
27:37
every day
27:37
can i get some sour cream now who said
27:39
they can’t believe it’s not butter what
27:42
you can’t believe let the breakfast club
27:44
say amen
27:46
now pass the jam said i love me some
27:48
jesus well
27:50
my jesus is grape my jesus
27:53
is strawberry preserves and whole wheat
27:55
my jesus is delicious as a [ __ ]
27:58
with some cream cheese when i die
28:02
my will shall dictate come with me now
28:07
did i be buried with my jesus christ
28:10
super toaster i don’t know what the name
28:11
of it is that’s what i call it
28:15
and when i roll into heaven this way now
28:19
on a fire breathing yellow hippopotamus
28:23
ipod in one hand jesus christ super
28:26
toaster in the other hand
28:29
jesus is gonna say oh my god this [ __ ]
28:31
is hot son
28:34
and when he sees that first piece of
28:36
toasty delicious
28:38
pop up in front of him making him think
28:39
he’s looking in a stained glass bitter
28:40
mirror
28:42
jesus is going to say you’re a real
28:44
[ __ ] for this and yes
28:46
i know what you’re thinking this is what
28:48
jesus sounds like in my head and on
28:49
skype he’ll be all happy saying yo dad
28:51
check it out it’s me dang the goatee is
28:52
[ __ ] fresh it’s me yo
28:54
where lucifer at we’re saying that i’m
28:57
rubbing his face like ah
28:58
stings donut take that take that
29:04
take it now mind you she actually hung
29:07
up somewhere around jesus being
29:09
delicious with cream cheese
29:13
but i kept going on anyhow because the
29:16
way i see it
29:17
if heaven has a sense of humor money so
29:19
in there
29:23
and if it doesn’t
29:27
ah
29:30
had a good run and i doubt i’ll need my
29:34
toaster
29:35
where i’m going ah thank you guys
29:40
you beautiful [ __ ]
29:43
let’s welcome your hosts neil back to
29:45
the story
29:52
keep that goal for omar homan
29:58
it’s like wrestlemania but not
30:09
you
—
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Photo credit: Screenshot from video