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Do you ever find yourself getting attracted to people who are unavailable (emotionally or otherwise)? Treat you poorly? Or simply aren’t interested in you?
Why does this happen? Why do we conveniently keep getting attracted to the least convenient people?
It can be deeply frustrating, especially when there might be someone who does like us but who we just don’t want.
In this video, I explain two fundamental reasons why this keeps happening.
At the end of this video, I give you a practical “mind trick” you can do on yourself to change this…
Learn the 2 mistakes that keep you from meeting the right person…
Transcript provided by YouTube:
00:00
have you ever found yourself attracted
00:01
to the wrong person
00:03
what is the wrong person
00:05
[Music]
00:07
well the wrong person could be someone
00:08
who doesn’t notice us or frankly doesn’t
00:11
even care that we exist
00:13
it could be someone who is treating us
00:15
badly someone who’s toxic
00:17
it could be someone who’s simply not
00:19
prepared to invest
00:20
on the level that we are but why do we
00:24
fall for this kind of person
00:28
there are two answers to this one is
00:30
perspective the other is self-esteem
00:32
let’s start with perspective sometimes
00:35
we find someone who appears to be hard
00:38
to get uniquely challenging
00:40
and because they’re uniquely challenging
00:42
we immediately
00:44
attribute a value to them based on a
00:47
kind of
00:48
cerebral supply and demand economics
00:51
if they’re not available they must be
00:54
worth
00:55
more and that’s why when people come to
00:57
me and say matt
00:58
why am i always attracted to the people
01:00
i can’t have but the people that
01:02
want me i’m never attracted to very
01:04
often when someone wants
01:06
us we think they’re abundant oh they’ll
01:08
always be there when someone doesn’t
01:09
want us we think i must have them
01:11
they’re
01:12
rare and valuable this is a fallacy
01:15
we should honor the fact that someone
01:18
likes us
01:19
that’s not enough reason for us to be
01:21
with them
01:22
but we shouldn’t take it for granted
01:24
that someone is both
01:25
available and interested in us
01:29
because they may not be interested in us
01:31
three months from now when they start
01:33
crushing on somebody else
01:35
also on the issue of perspective when
01:37
someone is mysterious or difficult to
01:39
get we often assign
01:41
qualities to them that they don’t really
01:43
have it’s kind of like going to a vip
01:45
nightclub
01:46
and being rejected at the door because
01:48
your name isn’t on the important list of
01:50
people
01:51
we suddenly imagine all of the baccanali
01:54
and delights that must be going on
01:56
inside that venue what are they doing in
01:58
there it must be amazing they must be
02:00
very important
02:01
when in fact it’s a lot of try hard
02:03
people drinking overpriced vodka
02:05
at tables this is what a false sense of
02:08
scarcity does
02:09
it predisposes us to the illusion now
02:13
let’s deal with self-esteem
02:14
groucho marx once said i wouldn’t want
02:16
to be a member of any club that would
02:18
have
02:19
me as a now this is funny
02:23
but when applied to our love lives is
02:25
deeply tragic
02:26
many people don’t want to belong to a
02:28
relationship that would have them as a
02:30
member
02:31
they treat it like well if you want me
02:33
there must be something wrong with you
02:36
you don’t want me then you must be on to
02:38
something
02:39
this of course is predicated on the idea
02:41
that we ourselves
02:43
are not worthy so we chase after people
02:46
that we think
02:47
are out of our league or hard to get or
02:50
not paying us any attention because if
02:52
we could just get them and align
02:54
ourselves with that person
02:56
then maybe we’ll be enough by being with
02:59
them
02:59
and in pursuit of this person we allow
03:02
all manner of bad behavior towards
03:04
ourselves
03:05
because we’re playing a surf who’s
03:07
trying to please some
03:08
imagined god any time
03:11
you find yourself either being attracted
03:14
to someone who doesn’t want you
03:15
or somebody who’s treating you poorly
03:18
here’s a simple
03:19
practical self-love technique you can do
03:21
for your own mind
03:23
imagine someone that you truly love your
03:26
sister
03:27
your brother your mother your child your
03:30
best friend
03:31
and think about what treatment they
03:34
deserve
03:35
how would you allow someone to treat
03:37
them once you have your answer
03:40
turn that inward and make a decision
03:43
not to accept any less than that
03:46
treatment
03:47
for yourself
03:52
did you enjoy our new video we enjoyed
03:55
making it for you
03:56
there was a little tip at the end of
03:58
that video that i
04:00
fear i said so quickly it may have gone
04:02
over some people’s heads as to the
04:04
importance of it
04:05
that idea of taking the love that you
04:09
have for somebody else and turning it
04:11
inward is a
04:12
practical strategy for self-love
04:15
self-confidence self-compassion that
04:18
will
04:19
change on a daily practical level
04:23
how you feel about yourself it will
04:25
change your behaviors
04:26
now that’s one strategy for self-love
04:28
but i have many more
04:30
and i usually give them on my live
04:32
retreat program
04:33
but here’s what’s exciting next week for
04:36
the first time ever
04:37
i am holding a live virtual version
04:40
of my retreat program and i want to give
04:43
you three
04:44
big reasons why you should be there if
04:46
you haven’t already signed up
04:48
number one haven’t we all been through a
04:52
lot
04:52
this year has never been
04:56
an awful enormous amount of
04:58
psychological
04:59
and emotional trauma that we’ve all
05:01
endured over the course of the year
05:03
do you want to give yourself some
05:05
self-care some self-love
05:07
to look at yourself and say what could i
05:09
do to really
05:11
improve my emotional state right now so
05:13
that i can
05:14
lead not just for myself but for the
05:17
people i love in my life because if
05:18
we’re not nourishing ourselves it’s very
05:20
difficult to give that energy to other
05:22
people
05:22
when we don’t have it the second reason
05:25
is
05:26
peer group we hear a lot in
05:28
self-development the importance of peer
05:30
group
05:31
but i think that there’s a very
05:32
practical aspect to this this year
05:35
that’s
05:36
dangerous that our peer groups have
05:38
contracted
05:39
over the course of this year we’ve
05:41
gotten perhaps closer
05:43
but to the people we’re close to the
05:46
people that perhaps we’ve been in the
05:47
same house with
05:48
i think it’s really important now that
05:50
we expand
05:52
our peer group because otherwise our
05:54
standards are going to be the standards
05:56
of the people that we spend time with
05:58
all the time
05:59
and those people don’t always have the
06:00
greatest standards sometimes i eat badly
06:03
just because you know i’m around people
06:05
in my life not naming names but i’m
06:07
around people that i love very much
06:09
who feed me bad foods this is a chance
06:13
for you to surround yourself with
06:15
an entire community of people who are
06:17
all raising their standard at the same
06:19
time for what they want out of the next
06:21
12 months two years five years it’s also
06:24
a chance to make
06:25
me a member of your peer group as
06:27
opposed to having me
06:28
as some kind of distant influence that
06:31
joins you for five or ten minutes on
06:33
youtube every week
06:34
you’re actually bringing me into your
06:36
circle we’re spending three days of
06:38
immersion together you get to ask me
06:40
questions it’s going to be a whole
06:41
different thing we’re going to be a team
06:43
together in raising our standards me too
06:46
by the way
06:47
i’m doing it for me as well at the same
06:49
time and the last reason the third
06:51
reason is because
06:53
we still have the last quarter of this
06:56
year left
06:57
it’s all still to play for too many
06:59
people have created this narrative where
07:01
the year is already written off i know
07:03
that there’s this whole kind of
07:04
you know there’s a lot and i find them
07:07
hilarious but there’s a lot of memes
07:08
around how
07:09
2020 is just the worst year ever
07:11
everything that comes along that makes
07:13
it even worse kind of adds to the
07:15
ridiculous
07:16
morose humor of it that god this year is
07:19
just a write-off cancelled 2020.
07:21
but i don’t want to cancel 2020. i want
07:24
to take that last quarter of the year
07:26
and do something special with it even if
07:29
you’ve done
07:30
nothing all year even if all you did was
07:32
sit around and eat bad food and watch
07:34
netflix
07:35
this is a chance to reclaim your year
07:38
we have to get out of defense mode now
07:40
and start playing offense
07:42
i’m doing this for me in my life i’m now
07:45
taking this year and getting aggressive
07:47
with it this year’s been pretty
07:48
aggressive with us
07:49
so now i’m taking this year and i’m
07:51
getting aggressive i’m deciding
07:53
what’s my vision what do i want this to
07:55
be about what do i want next year to be
07:57
about
07:58
and let me start now in october the 16th
08:02
to the 18th three days
08:05
of immersion in your life what you want
08:09
to change what you want to improve on
08:11
the love the care that you want to give
08:13
yourself
08:14
so that going forward you can transform
08:17
your life into what you want it to be
08:19
not just on the outside but on the
08:22
inside to
08:23
who you become let’s make it a beautiful
08:26
end to the year and an even better 2021
08:29
together
08:30
come join me at mhvirtualretreat.com for
08:34
all of the information and to get all of
08:37
your questions answered i have a team
08:39
there waiting for you if you want to ask
08:41
questions you can do that
08:42
just go here now and i will see you
08:47
[Music]
08:52
there
09:04
you
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This post was previously published on YouTube.
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Photo credit: Screenshot from video