My name is Greg Abbink and I am from, originally, Canandaigua, New York.
00:10
And I remember it was around 4 or 5 years of age when I had the realization that, as
00:18
I would put in my own terms probably at that age, I was just born in the wrong body.
00:22
So over the years, my parents would tell us that they had two names picked out for my
00:27
two sisters and I for when we were born – both male and female names – and the name that
00:33
they told me they had chosen for me or what would have or should have been my name was
00:38
Greg.
00:39
And so I latched on to that name because that’s the name I most identified with.
00:44
And so in 1980, my mom was charting my height on the inside pantry door at my childhood
00:50
home.
00:51
I was 5 years old and I must have persuaded her to write that name and there in sharpie
00:57
marker is my name Greg.
01:00
At the time, it was profound that my mom would have even obliged me in doing it, because
01:07
for me that was my name.
01:09
It confirmed what I knew to be true – that even as young as 5 years old, I knew that
01:15
I always identified as a male and more importantly as Greg.
01:19
So I can remember vividly one time, I maybe was 7 or 8 going to a summer camp – a week-long
01:27
summer camp.
01:29
And this specific week, they grouped me with a group of boys.
01:34
And I was so ecstatic.
01:35
I was like, Finally, they got it right.
01:37
They figured it out.
01:38
And so now I’m going to have a great week with all the other guys in my age group at
01:42
summer camp.
01:43
Well, it wasn’t too long into the day that one of the other counselors came and got me
01:47
and took me out of the male’s group put me in the female group because I guess they
01:51
figured out what my name was.
01:53
So I had to spend the rest of the week and with a bunch of girls at summer camp.
01:59
That was disappointing and not necessarily the memories I wanted to make at a week-long
02:04
camp.
02:05
So it was really difficult growing up identifying as Greg, but the world seeing me as female.
02:12
I thought, Am I the only one who’s like this?
02:15
So I didn’t dare say anything to anyone.
02:17
So I continued on in my life, the world seeing me as female.
02:22
And I knew I was attracted to to females and so, you know, I kind of got the label as lesbian.
02:29
However, I knew that’s not who I was.
02:32
I was a male who was attracted to females.
02:36
Because of my secret, because of who I knew I was but yet what the world saw and how the
02:41
world addressed me, they were at odds and at conflict, so that caused a lot of difficulty
02:47
and struggles for me moving forward as I navigated college and then the military and then finally
02:54
law enforcement.
02:55
In 2014, I had been in law enforcement already for 10 years.
03:00
And it was February 20, 2014 when my younger sister sent an email letter out to all of
03:07
my extended family explaining that who we thought was my niece was actually my nephew.
03:13
And it was that pivotal moment.
03:15
It was that a-ha moment for me where I realized if my brave nephew can come out and be supported
03:23
by my family and feel that unconditional love from my family, why couldn’t I?
03:29
I was 39 at the time.
03:30
I was mature enough and old enough to be able to handle it.
03:34
And so that was the moment, that was the defining moment when my nephew had the courage and
03:40
the bravery – that’s what sparked me to decide I need to come out.
03:45
I knew deep-down my family would be supportive.
03:48
Maybe there was a little bit of a learning curve that had to take place, but I wasn’t
03:54
ultimately worried about being rejected from my family.
03:58
And of course I wasn’t.
04:00
But work was another story.
04:02
I knew I had to tell my co-workers or at least as many as I could think of that I had worked
04:07
with, who knew me in the past 10 years at the department.
04:12
So I spent a lot of time compiling a long letter, which I eventually sent out at work
04:19
via email to everybody.
04:21
And that was very difficult because once you hit send, it’s out there.
04:26
But my greatest fear, I think, was what would people think?
04:29
Would they reject me?
04:31
But I sent the letter out and immediately the number of responses I got – the positive,
04:37
supportive responses I got were overwhelming.
04:40
Folks said, “You are so courageous and so brave, and I’m so proud of you.”
04:45
I’ve had emails that alluded to, “If anyone gives you a hard time, let me know.
04:51
I’ll kick their butt.”
04:52
But no, not directly.
04:54
But just so much support and even some that said, “I’m not quite sure what this means
05:00
but I’m happy to have you teach me.
05:02
I’m happy to learn about it and to watch you progress.”
05:05
When I came out in 2014, I was the first openly transgender police officer at the Austin Police
05:11
Department, which has afforded me a lot of great opportunities.
05:15
I’ve been able to develop curriculum for our police cadets.
05:19
I have assisted human – our human resources department at the city of Austin with a guide
05:24
book for both employees and supervisors.
05:28
I have been contacted by some outside agencies to conduct training for their officers, similar
05:34
to the curriculum that I teach our incoming cadets.
05:37
When I went to change my name in District Court, I gave my paperwork to the judge and
05:42
he reads through the documents and asks you just a couple simple questions.
05:47
And with one stroke of his pen and so effortlessly it seemed like, he gave me the one thing that
05:53
I had wanted for so long and that was to finally, officially, legally be Greg.
05:58
After some anxious waiting for my driver’s license to come in the mail, I opened it up
06:04
in there it is – you know, my picture looking back at me but with the name Greg on it.
06:11
And it was – it was huge because it was official.
06:14
It was – now I can present it to somebody and who I was now matched up with the person
06:20
on my driver’s license and with the name and so that was – that was a really big day.
06:26
And it would never get changed again.
06:28
I often think what would I want, if I could look back now, what I want to tell my younger
06:33
me?
06:34
Tell them don’t give up hope because you are you for a reason.
06:38
You’re not a mistake.
06:40
Everybody’s different.
06:41
Everyone has a different story.
06:44
You just have to find yours and be persistent about it.
06:46
And then find folks who know what your story is meant to be and they will help guide you
06:54
and shepherd you and and hopefully get you started in the direction that you’ve always
06:59
been meant to go in.
—
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