The Good Men Project

How To Be Brave in Love After You’ve Been Hurt

 

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Those wounds can stay with us a long time. They can stop us from taking chances again in love.

They can make us afraid of getting close to someone again…

Afraid of being vulnerable again…

Afraid of letting someone in…

Because if the result of letting our guard down and choosing to love someone is that we give up all of our power, then why bother, right? Sure, we may be giving up the special experience of being in love, but at least we don’t have to experience those dreadful lows.

If you can relate to this, today’s video is for you. You’ll hear me doing a live demonstration with someone who is going through exactly this issue. And what I tell her may be exactly the words you need to hear right now.

This isn’t video isn’t a pep talk. It’s a rational, practical strategy for how to navigate your love life after someone has hurt you, or broken your heart or your trust (or all 3).

And as a bonus, this entire live demo is animated for your entertainment. We’ve worked hard on it, so I hope you love it.

Here for you, friend.

 

Transcript provided by YouTube:

00:01
thank you so much for calling in what
00:04
was your question Christine um so I I
00:08
always open up myself and I’m very
00:11
vulnerable but as soon as he tries to
00:14
like you know take action and they show
00:18
that they care back I said to pull away
00:20
and I start to like not want to commit
00:23
even though like consciously like I want
00:26
you and I don’t know if it’s a
00:28
subconscious thing and I keep making
00:29
excuses or why are you afraid of that
00:33
he’s gonna hurt me and what happened
00:37
last time is gonna happen again and what
00:39
happened last time I was completely
00:42
committed and I put too much of myself
00:45
into the relationship when she wasn’t
00:48
giving enough back and I don’t want that
00:52
to happen again so let me ask you let me
00:54
ask you a question Christine what lesson
00:56
did you learn from that relationship
00:57
what what did you take the lesson to be
01:00
from that time that you got hurt what
01:02
did it teach you did it teach happy
01:04
relationships like give and take and I
01:06
shouldn’t give way more than I get back
01:09
that’s the logical lesson you took but
01:13
the emotional lesson you took was quite
01:15
different from that because that’s if
01:17
you say it out loud that sounds very
01:19
very normal very reasonable but if you
01:23
actually look at your behavior it
01:25
probably speaks more of this lesson why
01:29
the lesson I took was never invest
01:31
because you’ll get hurt so I think we
01:35
need to go back for a moment to that
01:37
relationship where you get hurt because
01:39
that relationship where you were hurt
01:41
that was kind of a defining moment for
01:42
you wasn’t it that way so now in life’s
01:46
defining moments we have to decide what
01:48
they mean so you have to now decide what
01:51
lesson you want to take from that
01:53
because the beauty of life is that we
01:55
can go back to any experience from any
01:57
moment of our life and we can’t change
01:59
the past but we can’t change what it
02:02
means and we have the potential to time
02:03
travel back there anytime we want and
02:06
change the meaning so what if we were to
02:08
revisit your past right now and revisit
02:10
but that relationship and chain
02:12
the lesson to a more empowering one to a
02:15
lesson that actually would help your
02:16
love life today not hurt it but still at
02:19
the same time allow you to protect
02:21
yourself what lesson would you take from
02:23
it now that learning need to be more
02:27
classes and I need to figure out where
02:30
he stands
02:31
okay why I couldn’t anymore so perhaps
02:35
the lesson is if I learn to communicate
02:37
better and not be afraid of the answers
02:39
I’ll find out what I need to find out
02:42
about situation that’s one potential
02:44
lesson that you could take I think
02:46
there’s a real big lesson here that’s
02:48
bigger than all of these lessons and I
02:49
think it’s this that relationship taught
02:52
you that it’s possible to recover
02:56
because right now you’re out there
02:58
living but it also taught you that when
03:02
you know something isn’t right you have
03:05
the power to walk away from it right you
03:08
have the power to leave and I think
03:09
something that’s really scaring you
03:11
right now is what if I invest in someone
03:13
and I get close to them and all of a
03:15
sudden they start treating me the wrong
03:17
way and they don’t give me the love that
03:18
I deserve but I’m not strong enough to
03:20
walk away because I’m a green I’m too
03:23
close to them and I’m too bound up in
03:25
this relationship I think you’re afraid
03:26
to get into that situation again but I
03:28
think the real lesson is that you’re
03:30
strong enough to walk away from any
03:31
situation that isn’t right for you even
03:34
if it hurts so the next time you go into
03:37
a relationship you can know that you can
03:40
invest and you can get close to someone
03:42
and if it doesn’t work out and if that
03:44
man doesn’t prove to be worthy of you
03:45
you have the strength to walk away
03:50
plenty of other people out there as you
03:52
are proving by the way right now your
03:55
goal right now should be to go out there
03:57
and invest in people and be generous
03:59
with your energy but walk away when you
04:01
know they’re not worthy of it not walk
04:03
away just because you’re paranoid and
04:04
scared thank you so much that makes so
04:07
much fun Thank You Kristine has been
04:10
such a pleasure to have you on the call
04:15
[Music]
04:25
you

This post was previously published on YouTube and is republished here under a Creative Commons license.

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Photo credit: Screenshot from video

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