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This week’s video is about moving in together.
But you should watch it even if you’re not at that stage with someone, because it contains a truth that is essential to understand when moving from one stage of a relationship to the next.
If there is someone in your life you plan on getting more serious with, this is for you.
I felt this video was especially relevant to these times where the term “turbo relationships” is on the rise. A “turbo relationship” is a relationship that is moving unnaturally quickly because of the circumstances of this year – lockdown necessities, spending large chunks of time with each other, choosing one person instead of casually dating multiple people, and moving in together far earlier than we otherwise would.
All of this puts pressure on the relationship that can be counterproductive to it going somewhere long term. If we want to build our relationships to last, it’s important they don’t burn out before they’ve really begun.
This video will show you how to ramp up your relationship without ramping up the pressure.
Enjoy!
Transcript provided by YouTube:
00:03
so what was your question amber
00:05
um i was wondering i’ve been my
00:07
boyfriend and i’ve been together
00:08
a little bit over a year and we’re
00:12
you know moving in together and i was
00:14
just wondering you know when’s too soon
00:16
like i’ve always kind of wanted to wait
00:18
until you know we were talking more
00:20
about getting married and things like
00:22
that and i just i just wanted to get
00:23
your advice on like is it too soon like
00:25
how do you know you’re ready to move in
00:27
i think that’s a very good uh and
00:29
intelligent and important question
00:31
there are there are lots of people i
00:34
uh they do it in the throes of the
00:36
passionate stage of the relationship and
00:39
look who who among us hasn’t fallen in
00:42
love with someone and immediately
00:43
thought i just want to move in with them
00:46
right now and then they are really glad
00:49
two months later that they didn’t
00:50
because it would have been too quick and
00:54
possibly wrecked the whole thing now the
00:58
can be just as bad um if you for example
01:02
and people have different beliefs on
01:03
this i’ll just throw mine out there when
01:05
hear people say well i want to marry i
01:07
want to get married to someone before i
01:11
i always find that to be a very
01:14
i for me i would much rather have lived
01:17
with someone before i make the decision
01:19
because who knows what they’re like in
01:22
i things change when you live with
01:26
everything to some extent is sped up and
01:30
because you’re around each other the the
01:34
so i think for you you have to
01:37
make your own decision about whether
01:38
it’s really important for you to wait
01:40
till marriage to do it but what i would
01:42
somewhere between the crazy passionate
01:45
phase where you feel irrational and
01:49
making a decision to be with someone
01:51
forever you should have a trial run at
01:55
and i don’t think that means necessarily
01:57
going and taking out a mortgage together
01:59
but it does mean going and renting a
02:02
place together that you can just have
02:03
the experience of it even if it was
02:05
on the basis of doing it for a few
02:07
months i think that a lot of the time
02:09
moving in together is something that
02:11
should take the form of a more
02:14
of something more casual than it really
02:16
is if you understand what i mean i think
02:18
i don’t think we should introduce moving
02:20
in together like shall we move in
02:23
i think it’s terrifying for people and i
02:25
think it puts too much pressure on
02:26
if people say to each other you know
02:28
what look we really like each other or
02:31
we love each other and we’ve had such an
02:32
amazing time together and our
02:34
it feels like it’s going somewhere shall
02:36
we try it for a few months
02:38
you know no there’s no black and white
02:40
ever you know it’s not like we’re doing
02:42
anything that we can’t reverse if it
02:44
then we’ll change the situation but why
02:46
don’t we why don’t we try an apartment
02:48
together for a few months and just see
02:51
that to me is a very uh risk-free way of
02:55
that allows people to take the next step
02:59
without the pressure of forever
03:02
which so many people throw themselves
03:04
into does that make sense
03:06
yes it definitely does that’s a really
03:08
good way to look at it i haven’t thought
03:10
yeah i think i i feel like some of the
03:12
most serious steps that you take in a
03:14
relationship should be treated
03:16
in a uh relaxed way i always feel like
03:20
a woman starts you know saying this is
03:24
uh doormat together oh my god these are
03:27
our first teacups that we’ve ever had
03:30
as soon as she starts saying that about
03:32
everything he’s like oh my god it’s
03:33
happening i’m living with someone i’m
03:35
never going to be on my own again
03:37
he starts freaking out but if you don’t
03:39
go down that route instead
03:41
you just treat it in a relaxed way but
03:46
both of you i think will be a lot
03:49
thank you that’s really really good
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