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“How do you avoid negative self-talk after a breakup? My ex was extremely critical and I want him out of my head.”
That is the question we answer in this week’s brand new video. I say “we,” because I’m not alone in this one. I’m joined by a very special friend of mine, Jeannie Mai – Emmy Award-winning co-host of “The Real,” and host of the podcast “Hello Hunnay.”
Jeannie is wonderfully entertaining to listen to, and has a first rate mind on these things, as you’ll see from the video.
And, what makes this video “extra” special is that it’s taken from a 90-minute interview I did just for my Love. Life members, so you’ll get a taste of what goes on behind the curtain of my private membership.
If you are struggling with negative self-talk, this video is literally a precise prescription for what to do next. It’s 7 minutes of viewing that will make your life better today, I promise.
P.S. If you find this video as valuable as I know you will, and would like to watch the full 90-minute interview, you can access it right now with a free 14-day trial to our Love.Life Membership. Claim your trial at http://www.AskMH.com.
Transcript provided by YouTube:
00:00
this week I invited my charismatic funny
00:02
and razor-sharp friend Jeannie Mai to
00:05
come and join me and my love life
00:07
members for a special exclusive session
00:12
[Music]
00:15
where we talked about so many things
00:18
from dating confidence getting back into
00:21
dating again
00:22
how to show vulnerability in a
00:23
relationship how to stick up for
00:25
yourself
00:25
one of our best sessions ever I feel
00:28
like I’m on a QVC track it’s so live and
00:30
exciting it’s like very energetic and I
00:33
wanted to bring you a piece of this
00:35
because so many people out there are
00:38
struggling with negative thinking right
00:40
now they’re struggling with anxiety
00:41
they’re struggling with insecurity
00:44
they’re struggling with uncertainty and
00:46
this particular thing that I’m going to
00:48
show you this part of the session was
00:51
about a woman who was trying to get over
00:53
the negative thoughts that had been
00:55
planted in her mind by an ex now whether
00:58
you’re going through that from an ex or
01:00
whether you’re just dealing with
01:01
negative thinking right now whether
01:03
you’re dealing with internal struggles
01:05
this video is going to help so so much
01:08
so check it out and if you watch this
01:11
and you love it and you want to see the
01:13
full interview at the end of this video
01:15
I’ll let you know how you can do that
01:16
Harry if we could send you that link to
01:19
the top questions as well but the top
01:21
question right now is how do you avoid
01:22
negative negative self-talk after a
01:24
breakup my ex was extremely critical and
01:27
I want him out of my head that’s really
01:30
going to f you up that you got to get
01:33
rid of that poison in that stain that
01:35
that person left to do and I’m glad you
01:37
got out of that relationship by the way
01:38
because it sounds like you’re now trying
01:40
to figure out how to move on forward so
01:41
I always say this my whole career today
01:44
I’m an Emmy award-winning television
01:46
personality and humanitarian because of
01:51
a major breakup so I wasn’t engaged when
01:54
I was 23
01:56
no 20 23 22 guys and it was a celebrity
02:01
and and and thank God we didn’t have
02:03
social media there because it was
02:04
something you know that was just in my
02:05
life but that really should became very
02:08
toxic for me and after I think was three
02:11
or four years we were together maybe
02:12
maybe going on four I decided I got it
02:15
cut ties here and I’ve got it I’ve got
02:18
to get out of this so I moved all my
02:20
things out and I couldn’t stay in my
02:22
area of San Jose because too many people
02:24
knew us so I moved to LA and I was like
02:27
I’m pretty special I’m gonna make
02:30
something out of myself I I don’t know
02:31
what it is but I’m gonna figure out what
02:33
it is and I knew I had some skills like
02:35
you knew I was a makeup artist I knew
02:36
how I had the gift of gab I knew how to
02:38
speak I knew very well how to style
02:41
women and so that’s a whole journey on
02:43
how I became what I became but my
02:44
particular like there was maybe about
02:49
600 and 600 and so things on it of
02:53
categories from career to personal to
02:57
weight and body of things I want to do
03:02
things I want to do for myself and it
03:04
started from work out you know three
03:07
times a week
03:09
figure out all the best hikes in LA that
03:11
was like the personal side and then I’m
03:13
very introverted and I have a little bit
03:14
of anxiety be really honest with you so
03:16
I made a list of like social go out to
03:18
one mixer week make a make one new
03:21
friend from every party and learn
03:22
something genuine about them and get
03:24
their number if you want to keep in
03:25
touch like
03:26
there were little things that were very
03:28
easy to do it wasn’t like go get a
03:31
better body or go work out it was like
03:32
very specific things and every time I
03:35
thought about that mofo every single
03:37
time I thought about him and remember he
03:39
was famous so I was seeing him in OK
03:40
Magazine I was seeing things all the
03:42
time every time I thought about him I
03:44
went to that list and I did one thing
03:45
crossed off and I had so many options
03:48
that if I only had an hour I could
03:49
easily go bang out you know a quick self
03:52
workout or I could easily give myself a
03:54
makeover or to go call one of my friends
03:56
and I met at a mixer or whatever it was
03:57
that this list kept me so busy you guys
04:00
I had no time and I began to really like
04:03
working on myself and I built my career
04:05
off of that paint so I just want you to
04:07
know once you get that habit of being
04:10
efficient and being
04:13
at the peak of your self-care when you
04:16
need it most
04:16
it is the best reward and you come out
04:19
flossing ladies every time I love that
04:21
idea of using you know when you were
04:24
reminded of him you can’t eliminate all
04:27
reminders of a person because even if
04:29
you could get rid of all of the pictures
04:31
in your house and blah blah blah
04:33
you’re still gonna find triggers for
04:35
that person I love the idea that those
04:38
triggers become a proactive trigger for
04:41
every time you think of them every time
04:43
you go to that negative place you use it
04:45
as a trigger to do something positive
04:46
for yourself I think that’s that’s
04:48
amazing new programming right positive
04:51
like something career-wise like for you
04:53
it might be brainstorm a new list of
04:56
jobs that you might want because we can
04:58
always find a list of things by the way
05:00
of things we want to do but we haven’t
05:02
done for ourselves so it might be you
05:03
want a new job it’s you’re not happy
05:05
where you are you might want to get a
05:06
new into a new workout regimen you might
05:08
want to learn a new recipe you might
05:10
want to be that nice friend that
05:11
actually reaches out to friends and
05:12
calls them and asks them how they’re
05:14
doing instead of just calling them when
05:17
you need them I became that a-hole I was
05:19
that person only called people and they
05:20
need this so I had a list of friends
05:21
that were like do not talk about your
05:23
boyfriend it’s not about that don’t talk
05:24
about your ex but I’m calling you to
05:26
just say how are you doing tell me a fun
05:27
story about your kids what’s going on
05:29
with you this week and it was so cool I
05:31
liked you know what happens I liked
05:34
myself better I liked Cheney my better
05:38
when you get when you break up with
05:39
someone or you you get dumped or you
05:42
leave whatever it is you always feel
05:43
shitty you always look back in your and
05:45
women we do this to ourselves for some
05:47
reason we bash ourselves we think about
05:51
the what it could’ve oh you’re
05:52
sitting there Lou fighting your body and
05:54
you’re like damn she said this should we
05:56
have broken up did I end it too soon
05:57
because that feeling of loneliness is
05:59
scary it is scary you you wonder I got a
06:02
maybe I should just say this oh he keeps
06:05
texting me because sometimes they’ll
06:06
keep texting because they they’re afraid
06:08
about loneliness too and they’ll kind of
06:09
make you feel like they want to see if
06:11
your toe is still in his pond no just
06:14
kidding but you just you wanna you want
06:16
to start you start beating yourself up
06:18
and you start questioning your you’re
06:20
kind of flimsy
06:21
you’re not as confident you start
06:24
picking apart your looks if they move on
06:25
you
06:26
comparing yourself first that is why
06:29
this list of either personal or
06:33
productive things for yourself you get
06:37
shinier and stronger and better every
06:39
day as you tackle this list you’ll
06:41
notice the the things that you think
06:44
about that person will start to
06:45
dissipate because because you are
06:49
flourishing and you’re busy and you’ve
06:52
got friends to call and you’ve got
06:53
anecdote to think about and you’ve got
06:55
um goals now and you’ve got maybe a new
06:57
challenge because you just made a new
06:58
call for a new job interview you gotta
07:00
go get ready for that
07:01
there’s your life becomes life and that
07:04
person just becomes so small to speck in
07:06
your past you know it’s so glad you mean
07:08
one thing that’s really important is
07:10
that those things that are productive
07:12
activities we don’t confuse them with
07:16
always being pleasurable in the moment
07:19
because very often we do something
07:21
productive as a response system and we
07:24
still find ourselves feeling like
07:26
and we’re still thinking about that
07:27
person we’re still and we go it’s not
07:28
working but the point of those things is
07:31
not just for what they may give you in
07:33
the moment which is a bonus but it’s for
07:36
what they’re going to give you tomorrow
07:37
that you are building a life today that
07:41
will exist tomorrow that will be more
07:43
full more rich full of anecdotes
07:45
experiences pride in in your health if
07:49
you’re getting healthier a pride in the
07:51
new stories you can tell because you
07:53
went to that social function like not
07:54
everything will be pleasurable in the
07:56
moment that you do it and it won’t
07:58
always feel like it’s working but you
08:00
know I have something on my board in
08:02
there in my office that just says every
08:04
I literally no matter where I am I keep
08:06
this phrase just because it’s so obvious
08:07
but it reminds me is every little bit of
08:10
effort counts and the reason I say that
08:12
to myself is because so often when we’re
08:15
like when when we’ve got a big project
08:17
and we do a little bit of work on it
08:20
that doesn’t even make a dent it feels
08:22
like what was the even the point it’s
08:23
like I’m not I’ve barely made any
08:24
progress when you go to the gym and it’s
08:27
like that’s the first of a thousand
08:29
visits I’m gonna need to do when like
08:31
none of these things feel like much in
08:32
the moment but they actually all count
08:34
and even when you feel like you’re not
08:36
moving forward those things are still
08:38
moving you
08:39
you may not feel it right now but they
08:42
are moving you forward and that’s why
08:44
it’s so important to do them whether it
08:47
feels good or not how amazing is Ginny
08:49
she’s one of my favorite people she
08:51
gives such great advice and by the way
08:53
if you saw that seven minutes and you’re
08:55
like I got so much value out of that
08:56
imagine how valuable the full ninety
08:58
minutes was if you want to watch that
09:00
whole thing you still have the chance of
09:02
doing that you can become a member I
09:03
have a 14 day trial so you can even just
09:06
try it for 14 days if you want to see
09:08
what it’s all about and watch the rest
09:09
of that interview to do that
09:11
all you need to do is go to ask MH comm
09:14
I’ll leave a link here super easy to
09:16
sign up and regardless I will see you in
09:18
next week’s video
09:27
you
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Photo credit: Screenshot from video