Be cautious with the advice you seek. Be more cautious with the advice you offer.
I enjoy and appreciate seeking business input from all kinds of people on all kinds of topics, but lately, I’m noticing that much of what people offer is too off the cuff. I usually know a problematic opinion is coming my way when I spend several minutes framing the complexity of a souring issue, and the assessment I receive is preceded by this phrase:
“Why don’t you just…”
That warning prelude is often followed by a very simple response in a sentence or fragment encompassing very few words. Some examples of confounding suggestions:
“Why don’t you just reduce your overhead?”
“Why don’t you just hire someone else?”
“Why don’t you just find a new supplier?”
“Why don’t you just change the value proposition to your customer?”
“Why don’t you just worry less about your brand?”
All of these phrases were spoken in earnest, in a neutral tone without any particular agenda or adversarial intention. I said my thing and they said theirs.
There’s another warning sign that preceded these suggestions—the words were delivered quite quickly, the “Why” being initiated almost instantly on the period ending my lead-in sentence.
There is a word to describe this kind of give and take. It would best be described as “conversation.”
It could also be described as “bar talk.”
There’s nothing wrong with conversation or bar talk, as long as we realize that’s what it is. Banter is entertainment, not problem-solving. Words that pass the time are not thoughtful solutions. In matters of consequence, I find chit-chat troubling traveling in both directions.
The easiest response to a “Why don’t you just…” suggestion is probably the obvious: “Uh, yeah, we thought about that and ruled it out… months ago.”
A less polite response might be: “Buddy, can you take this discussion a bit more seriously?” If you are in a bar in the midst of bar talk with someone who has been drinking a few hours, be careful in selecting that response, or at least judicious in the tone you use to convey it.
The lack of thoughtfulness in idea-sharing may come down to a matter of confidence and overconfidence. I applaud you for having a quick response to my nagging torment. It is possible I missed the obvious in the fog, but when I hear my problems so easily solved, what I really hear is someone who might not have failed enough. We all fail and to some extent learn from failure, but where is the empathy in our counsel when it comes to someone else’s dilemma, where we are less likely to lose anything if we are wrong?
Some call that having skin in the game. There is nothing that will slow down your response rate quicker than putting your own money or success at risk. You may be confident in making an investment, but when it starts to flounder, overconfidence should have already left the building.
Opinions can be interesting, but when they fail to embrace consequences, they can undermine trust in relationships.
When I am sharing a problem with you, I am not simply venting. I am seeking an improved outcome. If you want to help me, try getting me to rethink the problem in areas I might be stuck. Try some of these approaches on me and you’re likely to catch me listening more intently:
“What is the data telling you about changes in circumstance?”
“When you made that choice, what were the key factors that led to your initial decision?”
“Are your competitors in the same boat, or is this unique to your company?”
“Is the situation temporary and likely to reverse with more usual market conditions, or have the market conditions fundamentally changed?”
“What other advice have you received on the topic, and how was it helpful or damaging?”
If I share a problem with you, I don’t expect you to have the solution. Unless I have gotten ridiculously lucky, you probably can’t solve my problem. Yet if we work through a set of abstracts together, it is possible you might cause me to look at the problem differently and start me on the path to identifying a new solution. Dialogue like that in times of trouble has infinitely more value than a spitball suggestion.
Ego gets in our way when we think the winning outcome of a discussion is to have the right answer. That kind of overconfidence is unrealistic at best and reckless at worst.
Our roles in listening to each other are about being helpful, about unlocking hidden secrets in our judgment and navigating safely around treacherous obstacles. Slam dunks may win bragging rights, but in my many decades on the job, I’ve never heard one that changed the landscape in real-time.
Our words have consequences. Noble advice requires discipline and credibility. If what you prefer is bar talk, let me know and I’ll tell you why I think the Dodgers lost the last two World Series. I can’t imagine anyone in Dodgers management asking my opinion on that.
Why would they seek an opinion that didn’t matter?
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Previously Published at Corporate Intelligence Radio
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You might like Ken Goldstein’s books:
From Nothing: A Novel of Bar Music, Technology and Redemption
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Endless Encores: Repeating Success Through People, Products and Profits
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This is Rage: A Novel of Silicon Valley and Other Madness
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You might also like these posts from Ken Goldstein:
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