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When Ashley Jackson was 21 years old, her struggle with being gay led to destructive behavior and ultimately resulted in her driving drunk and crashing her car into a concrete guardrail on the interstate. She shared this story with us on our Fifty-State Story Tour back 2010. Today, we catch up with Ashley and hear how life has been treating her since then.
Transcript provided by YouTube:
00:00
[Music]
00:05
hello i’m nathan manske i’m the founder
00:06
and executive director of i’m from
00:08
driftwood
00:09
for this week’s story update we’re going
00:11
to hear from ashley jackson
00:13
who we filmed in jackson mississippi way
00:16
back in 2010.
00:17
let’s take a look at our story i’m
00:19
ashley jackson
00:21
i grew up in brandon mississippi but i
00:23
live in jackson mississippi now
00:25
i was seeing a woman when i was 21
00:29
she was a good bit older than me um
00:33
but you know i was telling myself i’m
00:35
not really gay i just like her as a
00:37
person
00:38
um and i was seeing a guy at the same
00:40
time they both knew about each other um
00:44
but i was i was kind of going through
00:46
the motions with him obviously and i
00:47
really
00:48
uh cared for her but it was a very
00:51
unhealthy relationship
00:52
on my birthday which is christmas eve
00:56
i had been out with friends and they
00:58
were buying me shots and it was great
00:59
and
01:00
um i’d been out with the guy and and the
01:02
girl i was seeing
01:03
came to one of the bars i was at she’s
01:05
like oh i’m going to take you to go see
01:06
a friend it’s going to be great
01:07
and i was like i’m really close to home
01:09
i’ve been drinking a lot of just go home
01:11
and she was like no and she convinced me
01:13
and so i went with her and
01:15
i ended up having a huge argument
01:16
because she was upset that i was seeing
01:17
the guy and
01:18
i ended up attempting to drive myself
01:20
home which i should not have done
01:22
you know i was like yeah people get in
01:24
accidents they have duis whatever that’s
01:25
not going to happen to me that only
01:26
happens to those other people that are
01:27
complete idiots and
01:29
you know that’s that won’t happen i
01:32
passed out
01:33
driving on the interstate i was not
01:34
wearing a seat belt and i
01:36
fell into the passenger seat as i was
01:39
driving and i remember telling myself
01:40
okay
01:41
ashley you’re driving you need to get up
01:43
and when i did that i used my left hand
01:46
on the wheel as leverage to pull myself
01:48
up and i did that and i
01:50
jerked the car to the left and went over
01:51
four lanes on the interstate and smashed
01:54
into a
01:55
concrete guardrail i don’t know how long
01:57
i was there i don’t know who found me
02:00
but i ended up in the in the hospital
02:03
for over a week i had shattered my left
02:05
ankle
02:06
i had 50 plus stitches in my face
02:10
and i had to move back in with my mom it
02:12
was easy
02:13
to drink all the time and you know that
02:16
was one thing i could control in my life
02:18
i couldn’t you know control the feelings
02:20
i had for
02:21
women i couldn’t control what other
02:23
people would think
02:24
about me being in a relationship with a
02:26
woman but i could drink and that made me
02:28
fun
02:29
and that made it easier to date guys or
02:32
to be in
02:34
reckless relationships and you know
02:37
unprotected sex and
02:39
being promiscuous and all of these
02:40
things having that self-destructive life
02:43
led to me almost killing myself
02:46
unintentionally
02:47
but you know
02:50
driving on an interstate at 70 miles per
02:52
hour no seat belt and
02:54
flying across four lanes and not hitting
02:56
anyone else
02:57
and surviving if that’s not a wake-up
03:00
call i don’t know what is
03:02
i realized i did that to myself that i
03:05
was hiding from who
03:07
i was who i was born to be and
03:10
um i couldn’t do that anymore
03:13
i couldn’t live my life for other people
03:15
anymore and
03:17
i told myself okay you’re gay so
03:20
welcome ashley thank you so much for
03:22
taking the time to be with us today to
03:24
talk more about your story how have you
03:26
been
03:27
i’m great there’s a lot of life has
03:30
happened
03:30
in 10 years yeah
03:33
yeah i um it has been 10 years since
03:37
we filmed and published that story when
03:39
you watched that story today
03:41
like how does what goes through your
03:43
mind or your heart like how do you feel
03:45
watching it today it’s so um
03:49
wild to see myself um as a
03:52
26 year old i guess at the time i’m
03:56
talking about my that experience that
03:58
was still fairly fresh
04:00
in my life of the car accident and all
04:02
of those things
04:03
um but it’s just
04:06
amazing to see to think about where i’ve
04:10
my where my life has ventured from the
04:12
time of i remember you guys
04:14
being in my house and and hanging out
04:16
and you know
04:17
recording that video and then thinking
04:19
about where i am now it’s just
04:20
completely wild are you still in
04:22
mississippi
04:24
no i’m not i’m actually live in atlanta
04:26
now
04:27
um i
04:30
moved to montgomery alabama actually not
04:34
not too terribly long after the
04:36
interview i got a really great job with
04:38
the southern poverty law center
04:40
i was one of their first lgbt
04:42
[Music]
04:43
rights community advocates and i worked
04:46
directly with the attorneys
04:48
in that department
04:51
we helped find i helped find clients
04:54
to work with directly for of course
04:56
taking their cases free of charge
04:58
you know many of them were students in
05:00
public schools who were um
05:02
being refused the right to
05:06
wear what they wanted to school or to
05:08
take the partner they wanted to to prom
05:10
and it was just an amazing experience we
05:12
actually had a really big case that we
05:13
worked on
05:14
with the conversion therapy and trying
05:17
to
05:17
shut down the therapists
05:21
that were providing those services that
05:24
they said we’re working in it was
05:25
obviously very detrimental to
05:27
the lives of many people i
05:30
then um was the state director for the
05:33
human rights campaign in alabama for a
05:35
short time
05:36
um i did that for about a year and um it
05:39
was an experience and
05:40
then um you know i’d met a girl and and
05:43
i just needed to do something a little
05:45
bit different and never thought i’d live
05:46
in the big city of atlanta but
05:49
here i am wow that’s
05:53
you’ve done a lot these past 10 years
05:55
that’s
05:56
incredible congratulations on all that
05:58
growth and success and
06:00
relationship and yeah how long have you
06:03
been in atlanta now
06:04
um yeah i’ve been in atlanta about about
06:06
five years now
06:08
um my wife and i have been together
06:11
um about nine years and we’ve been
06:14
married three years
06:16
and we have a two-year-old so it doesn’t
06:18
it doesn’t sound like you’re very busy
06:19
at all you have probably tons of free
06:21
time
06:22
and well that that all sounds amazing
06:26
congratulations on
06:27
all the progress and success you’ve had
06:29
these past 10 years
06:31
i i was going through your your video on
06:34
youtube and i was going through the
06:35
comments and i wanted to read one
06:37
comment that i
06:38
read that that stood out um and the
06:40
comment
06:41
is just one word sort of one word with a
06:43
hyphen
06:44
and it’s in all caps and it says truth
06:46
teller
06:47
exclamation point and over the years
06:50
a lot of people have been have asked me
06:52
like oh what story stands out to you
06:54
from all the stories that you’ve
06:55
collected
06:56
over the years and i mention your story
06:59
a lot because uh and i’m wondering like
07:03
if this is
07:03
if you hear this a lot but i really
07:05
admired like the honesty
07:07
in your story for you to acknowledge um
07:10
you know the
07:11
all the truths in your life you know you
07:13
weren’t afraid to talk about
07:15
that you were in a uh and i’m quitting
07:18
here i’m not you know
07:18
putting this on you in an unhealthy
07:20
relationship you know you weren’t afraid
07:22
to talk about
07:23
uh that you did drive after drinking and
07:26
you were just like
07:27
these this is my past these are my
07:30
experiences and mistakes and
07:32
but then it led you to make that
07:33
ultimate uh important decision to live
07:35
your
07:36
life openly and i’m wondering and so i
07:38
think that’s one of
07:39
the reasons why even 11 years later
07:42
still sticks out to me so much
07:44
is that honesty is that like is that
07:47
your mo do people do people call you
07:49
truth teller
07:50
a lot or like comment on how honest and
07:53
old you are um you know it’s funny i do
07:56
have
07:57
um like my best friend tells me all the
07:59
time we’ve been best friends since we
08:00
were 11 years old and she tells me all
08:01
the time you know that she appreciates
08:03
that i
08:04
um that i don’t judge people on their
08:07
mistakes or um how they might present to
08:11
the world
08:12
i know that people have lots of
08:16
different things about themselves that
08:18
they
08:18
might like or they don’t like that
08:21
society or
08:22
their family or friends or whomever
08:24
might
08:25
not like those things or they might like
08:26
those things about them it varies but
08:29
um i don’t think it’s my job to
08:32
[Music]
08:34
to judge anyone and to make them feel
08:37
bad
08:38
about mistakes they’ve made especially
08:40
if they acknowledge those mistakes so
08:43
you know i find that you know i’m
08:46
usually harder on myself
08:48
than people are on me and i’m trying to
08:51
give myself a little more grace and
08:54
understanding um but that was
08:57
it was it was wild that i had
09:01
that that was an incredibly
09:02
life-changing moment for me
09:04
and when i had that light bulb moment of
09:07
i’m gay
09:09
okay and i remember lying in that
09:11
hospital bed saying it to myself
09:14
and it was just like i felt this great
09:17
sense of relief
09:20
and i can’t imagine having
09:23
gone through that traumatic experience
09:26
and still having to carry that burden
09:28
um and i recognize i was fortunate
09:31
enough to
09:32
be able to come out and still have
09:33
support and still be able to
09:36
have family or friends that you know
09:39
were supportive or that didn’t you know
09:42
completely you know push me out of their
09:43
lives um
09:46
but all i can do is try to be honest
09:49
with myself
09:50
and with others and you know encourage
09:52
people to do the same
09:53
um you know radical honesty can
09:57
sometimes be
09:58
a little hurtful as well but i think um
10:00
genuine honesty
10:02
is definitely something that we could
10:04
all
10:06
try to do more if someone watches your
10:08
story for the first time like in this
10:10
video
10:11
what do you hope that they take away
10:12
from that and or what do you hope that
10:15
your story means you know to everyone
10:18
else
10:18
i hope that people don’t judge me on my
10:21
mistakes
10:22
i definitely you know know that i am
10:26
one of the luckiest people in the world
10:28
that i did not lose my life or
10:30
injure someone else that horrible night
10:33
[Music]
10:34
and i just want people to know that i’m
10:37
trying
10:39
i’m trying to be a good person i’m
10:40
trying um
10:42
to help people i’m trying to make the
10:44
world
10:45
um a better place however i can do that
10:49
um and just have a little grace with me
10:53
if i happen to stumble or
10:56
um or fall or you know make a mistake or
10:58
possibly say the wrong thing
11:00
my intentions are good and
11:03
um i hope that we can keep that
11:05
messaging
11:06
and remember that when we’re talking or
11:08
experiencing
11:09
uh new relationships or encounters with
11:11
anybody that we
11:14
hopefully can understand their intent
11:16
and what about people who
11:19
might watch this who are still
11:20
struggling to come out
11:22
and if they haven’t come out yet what
11:24
would you hope that you know what advice
11:26
would you give them
11:27
knowing that they might be struggling
11:29
just as you were at the beginning of
11:30
your video
11:31
i’m never going to be that person that
11:33
says come out wherever you are
11:34
because that’s incredibly
11:38
unrealistic for a lot of people and it
11:40
can be um
11:42
it could be a disaster for some folks um
11:45
i think if so if you can be honest with
11:47
yourself that’s the first thing
11:49
being honest with yourself um about who
11:52
you are
11:53
um i think you definitely have to
11:56
make healthy decisions the best you can
12:00
and that will include who you choose to
12:03
spend your time with that includes who
12:05
you
12:06
even choose to tell about your
12:10
identity your orientation relationships
12:12
or whatever that looks like
12:14
having a support system if possible
12:17
is huge um even if it’s just one person
12:20
that you can tell
12:21
and it’s someone that you trust um
12:24
sometimes that can be
12:25
the one thing that you need to keep you
12:28
going
12:29
anything else that you you wanted to
12:31
share with people
12:32
you know now that it’s the 10 years have
12:35
passed and
12:36
you know any or anything about your life
12:38
or
12:39
that you just wanted to share um
12:45
i know that it can be hard looking at
12:48
ourselves
12:49
it’s kind of like reading old journals
12:51
and thinking
12:52
oh i can’t believe i was such a little
12:56
turd or something you know but it’s
12:59
um you know being okay and proud with
13:02
who we were and how we’ve grown
13:04
um i think is so
13:08
important and i definitely cringed a
13:10
little bit watching
13:11
that video but i was also like oh she’s
13:14
so cute
13:16
um and it’s not normal and she has no
13:18
idea what’s gonna happen
13:20
in her life but uh
13:23
yeah i’m just um i’m so happy
13:26
and um i’m so lucky to
13:29
have the life i have i’m not rich by any
13:31
means um
13:32
you know but i have a really awesome
13:34
partner and
13:36
a super sweet um little kiddo and a
13:40
chubby old dog and um
13:43
we’re happy so i just hope people can
13:45
find they’re happy and not let um
13:49
not let the opinions of others stop them
13:52
from living their lives because life is
13:53
short and we all have our own life to
13:55
live
13:55
and um you gotta live for you
14:00
all right i i can’t think of a better
14:03
way to
14:04
end it than that but thank you so much
14:06
ashley it’s so good to see you again
14:08
after all this time
14:09
hopefully it won’t be another 10 years
14:10
but all my best to you and your
14:12
beautiful family and
14:13
and your chunky dog and you’ll have a
14:16
good one and
14:17
and be in touch and stay safe and
14:19
healthy wonderful thank you so much
14:21
all right thanks ashley okay and if you
14:25
have any questions for ashley you can
14:27
just leave them in the comments
14:29
and you can keep an eye out for more
14:30
story updates in the the coming weeks
14:33
and if you want we have hundreds of
14:36
other video stories
14:37
on the i’m from driftwood website or our
14:39
youtube channel
14:40
on instagram or facebook thanks for
14:42
watching
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This post was previously published on YouTube and is republished here under a Creative Commons license.
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Photo credit: Screenshot from video