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I have worked from home, off and on, for more than six years. I did have an office away from home when I was married, but after getting divorced, I moved my office into my residence. It was easier raising children working out of my home, as a single parent. The last two years is my only experience working from home with children. I always felt it would offer me more flexibility and I hypothesized that we’d have time to bond and play when work was light. In many ways, both of those things have occurred. Though I have mixed feelings as a divorced entrepreneur dad (D.E.D.) when I know my daughter is watching television and my son is playing a video game while I’m trying to complete a business call or wrap up some work-related project. I love knowing they are close, but I hate feeling they are alone and having to fend for themselves. Even if the activities are reading and art, the same is true. Granted they are siblings and could play together, but I also like peace, so let’s address the isolation and not fixate on sibling rivalry.
Working from home is a luxury on the surface. However, it’s easy to become very isolated and disconnected, staring at the same walls each day. Since I am D.E.D., I have no spouse running around watching after the kids or addressing other activities that my ex-wife dealt with regularly. Therefore, when my kids are bored or lonely, I must choose between work and them. I wish I were able always to choose to spend time with them, but “adulting” often means there are responsibilities and pressures. I do often walk out of my office to check on them, but that’s sometimes harder on them than just staying in my room. My kids are seven and nine, so they still want my time. Me checking on them often signals that I’m free to play or hang out, just causing confusion. When they learn that I’m going back to work, they begrudgingly accept it, but often it’s clear they are disappointed.
I used to pat myself on the back, believing I was juggling everything and making them feel like a priority. Recently, however, I’ve been facing some stress in my business, and my priorities have had to shift onto some projects that are demanding. My daughter had an upcoming field trip this past week, and her brother asked if I was going with her. I said that I was not going to be able to make it, even though I wanted to. He asked, “Why not?” My response was not well thought out, but I simply said, “It’s a tough week, buddy.” I heard him mumble, “It seems every week is tough.” I asked him to repeat it, but he knew he had said something quite condemning. I felt a gut punch that made me realize I’ve been doing a horrible job of setting boundaries at home and explaining the work/life balance situation. It also made me realize that I had not been hiding my pressures from them. It was very deflating for the guy with “Number One Dad” engraved upon his barbecue spatula.
Children are very observant, but they often make assumptions that create internal stress for themselves. In this instance, I realized working from home is not the positive situation that I once believed it to be. I was helping them create a story that was moving us in the wrong direction as a family. Despite that, there are some real benefits from a home office which can help single parents grow with their children. For example:
- I’m here, and they can come to talk to me when they need.
- I have more flexibility than I would otherwise.
- It makes my life easier without a commute, providing more time.
- It saves me money in many ways, which means there’s more money to develop some creative memories.
Despite these positives, what my kids see is dad is here, but not present. They often feel ignored and disappointed that the man in the room down the hall is not available for them. Granted, most kids don’t get time with dad until work is over, but when you work from home, you are like a fish in an aquarium. They can see you, and if they tap on the glass [or door] they can see a reaction, but eventually, they lose interest.
Working from home full-time means that your phone, files, and computer are always there. If you work from home, I’m sure you’ve said, “Let just check one more thing,” only to find yourself spending two hours following up on work. People who work from home occasionally will never know what it’s like to have everything in the same place you sleep and eat. Pulling up your laptop to finish a project on occasion is different than having no set boundaries between work and home life. With kids in the home, it only accentuates the ways we teach them to disconnect when we pick up and go “check one more email” instead of bonding with them.
Working from home is isolating, and it’s very easy to wake up in the morning and go to bed in the evening without bathing or leaving the house. Therefore, it’s important to create routines and add some structure to home office processes. For me, I have found some simple rules that help me improve my “work from home” experience. The recent revelation with my children has revised my thinking on certain areas, but hopefully, the following list can help you find better productivity and emotional health working from home:
1. Daily Exit – Perhaps a coffee run or a walk around the neighborhood is enough. Do not let your home feel like a prison, which can happen over time. Working and “living” at home can create some challenging blurred lines. So pepper in “you time” away from the house, every day.
2. Morning Ritual – It’s easy to hop out of bed and go straight to the office. Prepare for your morning without just jumping into work. I highly recommend Tony Robbins’ Hour of Power or Miracle Morning, by Hal Elrod if you need help designing your empowering morning ritual. Meditation, prayer, planning, and exercise are just a few items that can start your day off right.
3. Too Much Caffeine – I love coffee, but I also know that too much in the morning means I’m crashing in the afternoon. I enjoy a single latte or coffee to start work and then try and limit any caffeine for the remainder of the day. Stimulants become short-term fixes that can eventually lead to longer-term challenges.
4. Stand Up – I purchased a desk from Uplift, a company out of Austin, TX that specializes in stand-up desks. Mine is motorized and allows me to sit or stand, depending on the activity. Standing to work has many benefits from better circulation to weight loss. Yes, you can lose weight while working, simply by creating better blood flow. Also, I find I do not need caffeine to keep my energy up when I’m standing to work.
5. Mixed Environments – My office is for working, and my kitchen is for eating. I do not eat my meals at my desk. This small line in the sand can help you keep your mindset focused on the right priorities when you’re in a particular setting. I am often tempted to work from my couch or kitchen table, though this created blurred lines. When I walk into my office, it serves a purpose. For me, this was a surprising area that has made a huge difference to my work/life balance at home.
6. Walk It Off – When you begin to fatigue or find yourself dreaming of a nap, it’s time to shift your energy. A quick walk around the block can be the difference between struggle and success. We all need breaks, and a bit of exercise is the best kind.
7. Stay Connected – No matter your business model, isolation is our enemy. Working from home can lead to or foster depression and other emotional struggles if we isolate from others. I recommend building a network of people you can reach out to or connect with when you need a reality check. I have a business coach and a mastermind group, which contains people who enrich my life. I have clients I enjoy working with, and I have other people who can help me troubleshoot or explore solutions when necessary. I don’t spend my entire day reaching out to all of these people, but usually once per day or several times a week I have an interaction that is business related but friendly with my network, simply designed to remain connected with others.
8. Work Remotely – If you need a change of scenery, find a coffee shop, shared office space, or some other alternative location where you can thrive during your “break from home.” Avoid blurring the work environment at your regular office and find an alternative that inspires you.
9. Keep It Kid-Friendly – If you work from home full-time and have children, the challenges I mentioned above do not go away. Even if they are at an age where they do not seem to need your time, they need your presence. Learning to communicate with them can help them understand what you do, why you do it, and what you are doing to do to help them feel appreciated. Let them know you have to meet a deadline, but perhaps schedule a date or dinner with your children where they feel you are committing special time to them. If there’s an activity that brings you closer, schedule it and commit to them. It’s important you let them know that this is your commitment to making them always feel like a priority. For me, I want them always to understand that I work for them, I don’t work to avoid them. The younger they are, the more critical this discussion is.
10. Distraction Free Zone – If you are spending time with your children, be engaged and be mindful. I’m not suggesting you ignore important calls or tasks,, as I know how hard it is to juggle everything. However, the more you can keep electronic devices out of your face when your children are present, the more they will understand the importance of being present in their relationships.
In addition to these pitfalls, if you’re self-employed and working from a home office full-time, finding ways to stay focused and committed is essential to success. It is far too easy to let distractions become excuses and excuses to become the story you later share on why your business failed. If you have only yourself to answer to, how can you leverage the “work from home model” for success? What challenges do you face when it comes to working from home? Please share your own experiences and examples so we can help each other grow as parents and as business professionals.
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Paul Kirch is the host of the the top 10 business podcast show, BOSS Academy Radio(BossAcademy.com) and an entrepreneur who knows the struggles Divorced Entrepreneur Dads (D.E.D.) face as a parent, a professional, and a partner in his budding relationship. If you want to learn more, follow him on LinkedIN or email him at DEDStrategies@gmail.com.
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Originally published on LinkedIn. Republished with permission
Photo by Jacky Chiu on Unsplash
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