I Just Wrote Something That’s Blowing Up

Okay, first, I might need people to settle down.

Yes, I did write about my frustration with men on dating apps. But if you follow ‘all’ of my work you will realize I’m an equal opportunity kinda girl.

I say one thing.

Bad behavior is NOT gender exclusive.

Men can behave badly, women can behave badly. Men can be the worst, women can be the worst. People can be the worst. You get my point, right?

I’m writing from my perspective about dating.

Oh, that’s right, I’m a woman.

And yes, I do write about my unfortunate experience being married to a certain man.

But…

Guess what?

I write other things, as in “I Know a Lot of Good Men-Here’s the reason I didn’t choose one.” Or “Good Men Don’t Mistreat Women-And say they deserve it.” Or “I Gave up on Men Until Tonight-One night restored my faith in men.”

Anyway…

The piece in question??

I wrote that “I’m Frustrated by Men on Dating Apps-If only men understood what women are looking for.” I thought I was clear that obviously ‘some’ but certainly not ‘most’ women are looking for sex on dating apps.

Only…

That’s not me.

I’m looking for a connection, not a night.

There’s a difference.

And to each their own. Every dog has its day. Yay for the men looking just for sex, and yay for the women looking just for sex. Everyone does divorced and single differently.

May they find each other.

I’m pretty sure I said no judgment in the piece I wrote.

I was simply looking to reach the others out there like me.

You know who I speak of…there are variations of us.

It could be that we’ve already passed our ‘wild child’ stage of divorced dating, and our looking for substance.

It could be that we’ve just lost the person we love, and don’t know what the hell we really want.

It could be we’re beginning to date after divorce, and want something innocent, and not scary after years of being with one person.

It could be that we were traumatized by an overly long and abusive divorce, and have a terrible tendency to cancel dates out of pure fear. Oh, that’s right, that might be me.

You get the point.

We are all in varying stages of divorce or loss.

Be gentle with us for God’s sake.

Talk to us.

Figure out if we’re the woman (or man) who’s just making their way back out into the world. If we are the woman (or man) who just lost the love of their lives they thought they would still have years with. If we’ve been through something unexpected like an abusive and/or traumatic relationship/divorce.

In other words…

Don’t go right into sexual banter.

It’s unattractive unless you are looking for strictly sex.

Oh wait a minute, there’s a dating app for that. For Pete’s sake jump on Tinder if that’s all you’re looking for. The quintessential hook-up app. But maybe I need to apologize to Tinder.

They’re trying to overcome that whole ‘sex -hook-up’ app thing.

They’re now trending toward a ‘dating’ app.

You get my gist.

Men, don’t think I don’t have your back. There are women who are looking for anything but substance. They want to know what car you drive, and what your assets are.

I see all sides of the dating coin.

Remember — bad behavior isn’t gender exclusive.

But for me…

I want to meet a guy who wants to talk to me. A man who wants to know more about me. A guy who will find more interest in the initial meeting of a woman.

Because I will find that in him.

I met a man recently.

I’ve met few men like him since I’ve begun dating. He didn’t pepper me with compliments. He didn’t approach me with some ill-advised sexual innuendo. He didn’t tell me I was pretty.

There was nothing ‘outward’ about it.

He began talking to me.

I love people and I’m extremely social.

But I’ve developed a handicap after divorce.

I’m difficult to reach romantically.

I’m ready to meet a man. I know more good men than not. The part of me that felt dead for years wants to feel alive again.

But it’s a process.

This man did what I tried to convey in the piece that I wrote. He wasn’t trying. He didn’t seem to be looking for a woman.

He was just being.

I spent days with that man.

I would have spent more if he’d been geographically appealing.

He was fun, funny, and kind.

All we did was laugh when we were together. The world seemed lighter. He joked that we were like a Hallmark movie…something about him rescuing a damsel in distress and paying for her drink.

But movies have an ending, right?

He had more than a geographical distance going against him. I’ve surrendered to dating younger men. But I’ve stayed within roughly ten years of my age, and he was a few years beyond that.

It wasn’t realistic.

It was a moment in time.

I will say…

I’ve never met a man that felt like we were meant to meet, but not meant to be.

We will never be a part of one another’s lives. But he will be one of my favorite memories. I’m certain we were meant to cross paths for whatever reason.

It was reinforced.

Our last day together we realized we had a friend in common.

Long story short, my high school bestie texted me she met a guy I would love. She told the guy the same thing. I was out of town and ignored my text.

But days later he and I randomly met.

I wrote about what I’m searching for on a dating app. Maybe it was unrealistic. Maybe I won’t meet my guy on a dating app. I’ve never claimed to be perfect.

On the contrary, I’ve mentioned my imperfect baggage.

But…

I’m not going to apologize that I want substance, not sex.

Because sex is so much better with substance.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.