I’ve given up imagining that my words or actions can change her in any way. We’d like to think we can make another person happy, or comfortable, or secure. Unfortunately, we cannot.
She went ahead and filed on me. It’s the equivalent to sending your loved one (former loved one) to a collections agency. Suddenly my credit score fell through the floor, and I became listed as a deadbeat dad.
I’m certain I didn’t understand why she would do such a thing. I’m sure I wondered about her boundaries, and what she felt was appropriate vs. necessary.
So while I’m sure that her motivation is more about them than her or me, I’m pretty sure she made the decision 100% without talking to me about it.
Pain is an indication that something is unbalanced. Your sadness and pain at the divorce is no longer about your ex. Only you can deal with your frustration and negative feelings.
I may never forgive my ex-wife for changing my time with my kids forever. The system is rigged in a mom’s favor, and as a dad I was given my “deal” and told to grin and bear it “for the benefit of the kids.”
You don’t want to be the non-custodial parent under any circumstances. Remember all that stuff you learned in couples therapy about power and control? The divorce brings out the worst of the dysfunction.
I really wanted to disappear. I didn’t directly want to kill myself, but I could see the appeal of not waking up in the morning.
I could be mad about it. I could do things to get even. But I won’t. I have to rise above the blame and “imagine” that she’s doing the best she can.
Sure, we’ll have challenges tomorrow. And we’ll procrastinate and avoid for a little while, but we’ll come back together with a fire and rage that says, “You’re mine.”
The editors of and contributors to The Good Men Project are proud to present this collection of works inspired by Muhammad Ali.
John McElhenney has struggled since his divorce. His constant work, self-examination, and cultivation of a positive attitude has created a happier post-divorce family.
We’ve got some connections to make in this world of relationships, parenting, and divorce. How to set expectations within all of your post-divorce relationships.
Andrew Smiler considers several reasons why violent people are more likely to be male than female.
“Being able to spot their harmful behavior is the first step to minimizing their impact. You might not be able to change what they do, but you can change what you do with it.”
When a romance is over, it’s over. The problem according to Jackie Summers, is that no one ever evacuates Pompeii until the volcano erupts.