When an Affair Loses Its Luster

When does the fantasy start to dull?
An affair starts to lose it’s luster.

It happens sooner or later.

I can tell you. Real life intrudes. You annoy each other. You begin to fight. Argue. It’s not just hot sex and orgasms.

One lady on r/adultery describes it perfectly:

We are 3.5 years into a full blown affair. It’s not perfect we are both aware we have wandering eyes but it stops there. Or maybe we’re both naive but time wise, with as much time as we devote to our home lives and each other I cannot imagine there’d be others. But I digress. Everything is great, we are the perfect AP match. We’re mostly compatible with our schedules, locations, chemistry. Lately I think we’re coming out of the honeymoon phase or what some might call limerance.

Now real life starts creeping in, basically I’m noticing we’re annoying each other like a married couple. To those who’ve survived this stage, how did you manage?

How do you manage?

Do you want the jaded version? It’s time to get under someone new. That’s the unvarnished truth. You’ll get all your dopamine hits with a new sexy stranger. The affirmations and the lust. This road is honestly too easy for some of us to take. If you are attractive or charismatic enough, it won’t be hard to find another lover.

But, if you are willing to stick with your current AP (affair partner) then this is crunch time.

An affair becomes maybe more than an affair.

Maybe it transitions into a deeper relationship.

But do you want that?

The lady got the irony of all of this when she wrote, “How can it really grow when it’s an affair? Sometimes I think about that too. I know neither of us ever plans on leaving our real lives.”

Duh.

That’s the thing. An affair is light and fleeting. A real relationship involves working through uncomfortable feelings and personal triggers. Do you allow that? And at what expense to frivolous sexual release?

One redditor responded with the perfect summary:

“There’s a difference between the illusion of a great affair and the reality of a great affair. Your contradicting statements, and simply making this post, would negate the greatness of your affair.”

She continues, “Sometimes the hardest thing is realizing it’s okay to admit people no longer fit into your life instead of desperately trying to make them fit into your life.”

Yeah, wandering eyes and not trusting your affair partner plus arguing, DOES NOT make a “perfect affair.”