Life Tip 28: Listen Attentively

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Listening seems simple, but it’s not. Most people hear the words, but they don’t really listen to what the other person’s really saying.

After all, hearing is automatic.

But attentive listening isn’t.

We all do it. Most of the time, conversations happen while we’re checking our phones, thinking about what we want to say next, or mentally working through our own problems right then.

When this happens, important details get missed, misunderstandings happen, and people usually leave the conversation feeling unheard.

Learning to listen attentively is one of the easiest ways to improve your relationships.

When you give someone your full attention, you also learn more.

People reveal important details through:

Their tone of voice
Their emotions
The examples they choose
What they don’t say*****

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Whether you’re talking to a coworker, a friend, a child, or a partner, listening well creates stronger connections to others.

People tend to remember how it felt to talk to you long after they’ve forgotten exactly what was said.

You don’t need to have special skills to listen well. It basically starts with you being right there, right then, and paying attention. (Some people call this being “present.”)

Here are some simple ways to listen more attentively:

Put away those distractions when possible.
Make eye contact and hold it.
Let the other person finish speaking and don’t interrupt.
Ask questions when you’re not sure of something.
Focus on understanding what they’re saying instead of planning your response.

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You’re not going to become a perfect listener overnight. Just start with one conversation each day.

Pick a family member, a friend, a coworker, or a neighbor and give them your complete attention for a few minutes. It doesn’t have to be long.

You may be surprised by what you notice when you’re not distracted. People usually share more when they feel they’re genuinely being heard.

And you will probably learn things you would have otherwise missed.

Today, everyone’s distracted and in their own little world. Really listening to someone is rare and getting rarer.

You certainly don’t have to have all the right answers. But sometimes the most meaningful thing you can offer another person is just your full attention.

Listening attentively isn’t just about hearing words. It’s about making a connection.

Today, try to pick one conversation or someone ahead of time that you’ll really listen to. Put everything else away and really listen. See what changes when you give it your full attention.

I hope you enjoy these life tips.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.