James Michael Sama reminds us we’ve evolved and says it’s about time we started acting human.
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If you haven’t noticed by now, I have a tendency to speak out about hot button issues that affect us as a species and as a society. Issues that treat others unfairly or unjustly. The latest of which in the pop-culture mainstream is the leaking of hacked nude photos of Jennifer Lawrence, and multiple other female celebrities.
Inevitably, I notice a specific backlash in the comments both on this blog, and on Facebook. Typically, it comes from men. Rarely do I ever face resistance from women when speaking about equality and human rights. Why is this? Perhaps it is because women have been lacking these basic rights for centuries and they still feel the sting, no matter how big or small, here in 2014.
Could it be fear? Fear that someone else being equal to you somehow puts you on a lesser level than you would be if they stayed subordinate? What kind of deep-rooted insecurities must one have to be overcome by this idea?
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When will we, as men stand up and say NO—you have a right to nobody. They owe you nothing.
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What is often perpetuated is the idea of men having a “right” to women. A right to her body because he was polite to her. A right to see her photos because they are out there anyway. A right to objectify her because that’s what she should expect with the career she chose. When will we, as men stand up and say NO—you have a right to nobody. They owe you nothing.
Within society men take on a position of self-professed masculinity. A position of trying to be “one of the guys.” A position of being a man’s man and their vision of what macho means. This is not about Jennifer Lawrence. It’s not about naked photos. It’s not even necessarily about women. It’s about being human, and respecting each other as such.
It’s about understanding what it means to really be a man. To be a member of the human race, and to treat others with the respect that you expect from them in return. It’s about recognizing people as people and not as objects. Not as possessions. And certainly not as proverbial trading cards to be passed around because, well, you haven’t seen that one yet.
Where there is objectification, there is one who is doing the objectifying. While we see plenty of male underwear models showing us what perfection looks like, eating disorders, and body shaming put on men as well too, it is admittedly a higher profile topic for women. Perhaps this is because men are too ashamed to speak about it. One man who I commend for speaking out is my friend Brian Cuban, who suffered with eating disorders, depression, and drug addictions for decades. I highly recommend checking out his book or listening to his story.
Anyone who is perpetuating the objectification of another becomes at fault. They will also continue until someone stands up and says “This is wrong.”
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But I digress. I submit to you—this does not make it a “women’s issue.” It does it make it two other things though: A men’s issue, and a human issue. Anyone who is perpetuating the objectification of another becomes at fault. They will also continue until someone stands up and says “This is wrong.”
But it is taboo to realize this. It is taboo to point this out, and that is why it doesn’t get spoken about. Because if you are sitting around with your friends playing Call Of Duty or watching a football game chugging your beers (I’m obviously being overly stereotypical) and someone makes a joke about how they wish a woman was there to go make them a sandwich, are you going to laugh?
You could always say “Not cool, man.” But, will you?
Someone has to. Someone should. And the person who does will inevitably become less popular immediately. They’ll be the downer, or the one who switched sides. Or the one who killed the joke. Because it was just a joke anyway, man. I mean, wasn’t it?
I have admittedly been that guy on multiple occasions. I am being that guy by writing this. By writing this blog and speaking about the issues I do, I am subjecting myself to the criticism of millions in the hopes that a second person will stand up, and then a third, and then a fourth. And then, we’re making a difference. But it has to start somewhere, and the place that it starts is with the realization that defending women does not make you less of a man.
I ask, if you were to hold on to the current view of masculinity, what action fits better: To sit by and observe the perpetuation of things you know and feel is wrong, or to stand up and defend those being disrespected?
The image of masculinity is changing. It is no longer knocking a woman over the head with a club and dragging her to your cave. We have learned. We have developed. We have evolved.
And it’s time we started acting like it.
Follow James on Twitter @JamesMSama
Originally published at JamesMSama.com
Photo—J Miller/Flickr
As Humans we are built to protect those weaker than us in order to preserve our species. It is how our species survive. That being said, you do not need to defend those stronger than you. So if women claim to be the strongest sex, why should – due to obvious logic – men defend those who obviously do not need protection nor defending? As a man you protect and fight for the weak, helpless and downtrodden. Be that men, women or children. It is what any man would do.It is our nature. But if women want to be on… Read more »
From my own experiences, men use each other a point of reference much more than women do. I work at a non-traditional job and went through many years of harassment by white males, subtle and blatant. I’m still going through this. I don’t have much confidence that it will ever change. It is the RARE male who will judge you based only on his own observations. Usually, if another male tells him something, even if it’s completely untrue, he will act on that. I just do not see many of them who will go against what their buddies think.
Interestingly enough, the Bible says “do unto others as you would have others do unto you”…. but most people are not listening.
I still believe we should do unto others how they would like to have us do unto them. Because really, I don’t believe everyone wants to be treated the same way I like to be treated… I don’t even want to be treated the same way all the time.
‘They will also continue until someone stands up and says “This is wrong.”’
women have been saying this exact thing for years and still it continues.. so “someone” is the wrong word to use. because someone has said this very thing and no one wants to listen to “this is wrong”
Clearly standing up hasn’t changed anything.
So when you say “someone” who is it that you are referring to that you think would actually make a difference?
@ Lynn “So when you say “someone” who is it that you are referring to that you think would actually make a difference?” When that somebody actually believes it. Women have been saying this when women are being victimized. When women enjoy the view or the gossip or whatever then it is OK to violate someone’s privacy. Remember it was woman who fought for the “right” to enter men’s locker rooms. The money that they made was more important than a man’s “right” to privacy. That’s why Erin Andrews didn’t get much sympathy when she was photographed. If women are… Read more »
Women absolutely love invading the privacy of others. Its a well documented and catered to past time. Where are all the women calling out publications that they read that rely on paparazzi and the like?
But Lynn is right. Women are virtuous without fault, and they simply refuse to do any wrong to the point of letting themselves be oppressed by the big bad men for all eternity.
A) I actually think women SHOULD not feed the paparazzi industry and I don’t like the female obession I see with the Kradashians and the likes of that. B) Men also are activie participants in gossip rags and paparazzi now-a-days. It’s possible that men over the age of 50 aren’t, but young men are just as eager to see and know the going ons of celebrities. Especially if they can see their naked bodies. So the paparazzi isn’t just fueled by women alone. So if you are going to call women out on that, then you should be calling men… Read more »
And once again, the hysterical dudes turned an article about helping women (and about how many times men are shamed for doing so) into another place where they will just basically say how helping women is bad and ow they don’t ever want to do that and how women are toxic and bad and horrible for the very same things men practice even more. How surprising. Oh, and how about making fun of the women who got and do get oppressed by men all over the world as well? Making fun of women’s hystory and hurt is so much fun… Read more »
The issue is that there is not much money afforded for being fair minded on the Internet. It is not a coincidence that speakers and a whole host of wellness coaches focus their less than insightful nonsense on matters that make the internet ad revenue thrive. The formula that works best and is known to work best is one that narrates the protection of women and the fixing of men. Will things change, can they change – probably yes, yet slowly. Until broader empathy catches up to the revenue stream, leaked boobs will draw more internet tears than a leaked… Read more »
Women are not helpless children who “need” to be defended. This is condescending, not to mention that men are not obliged to defend anyone unless we choose to. We have been programmed all our lives to come to the rescue of the damsel in distress, and it’s a lie we can do without.
Then I must be condescending because I love defending and helping other people when they need it. I don’t see this as making them weaker then me. I just see them as a human being that needs help and where I can give help. But that’s just me. That’s the choice *I* make based around who *I* want to be. If you don’t want to help other people, or you feel helping your fellow man or woman is in somehow insulting to them, that’s your right. But that is not my truth. I LOVE helping others. I’m sorry you don’t.… Read more »
There is a difference between choosing to help others and being obligated to. I donate blood because it is my choice, not because I am being pressured to do it. The same goes for helping other people. So because I treat women as adults and equals that is somehow denigrating? Shakespeare called that kind of reasoning “chop logic.”
Frankly Wes, you are actually the only person right now who is devaluing women by a continued inference in comparing them to children and feeling the need to state that you treat women like “adults”. …. whatever that means. Umm..why wouldn’t you treat them like adults? Why the need to overstate this? Showing women consideration, compassion, kindness and helping them is NOT treating them like children. Doing kind things for women does not devalue or condescend to them either. Defending women, doesn’t mean women are being treated like children.
The bigger question is: Does defending men make you less of a man??? Men are far more likely to risk their life and limb defending some female stranger because society claims that’s what makes a real man!!! When was the last time you saw a man defending another man???
Here’s a question. Justin Verlamder was in some of those pictures. Why is there nobody telling us that we shouldn’t look at his pictures? Why isn’t anyone concerned that his privacy was violated? Why isn’t anyone saying that we should stand up for him let alone suggesting that women do it? He was nude too.
Don’t expect anybody on GMP to stand up for him. They are all about tripping over themselves to prove which one of them is the nicest to women. Notice that even articles that focus on standing up for men seem to still have some backhanded generalization about how men’s problems are all men’s fault and theirs alone to solve yet women’s problems are SOCIETY’S problem!!!
Just want to point out that sexism exists and that women have been by far the more abused and oppressed gender through modern history and continuing today. By far the more objectified, by far the more raped and physically assaulted in inter-gender assaults. By far the more repressed and restricted in terms of freedoms. Etc. Does that even need to be pointed out?
Have they been though, you make a lot of statements with nothing to back them up.
I noticed that you hedge your bets at every turn, by limiting the areas to which women have been ‘downtrodden’, i.e. inter-gender assaults. So I guess being assaulted / raped by someone of the same gender is not important is it. It is important but the SJWs don’t count those because then they would finally have to acknowledge that men need help and they need it now.
You actually think women in western society are oppressed, OMG.
Ya know, when we talk about sexism, the conversations always go in the direction of objectifying women on many levels, perceived disrespect etc. And Sage, you’re right in that it’s been happening throughout history.
But I’ll trade you the 1,321,612 men killed in wars as well as the 1,531,036 wounded and 38,159 missing in action. Ya want to talk about sexist?
How about this? 4,628 workers were killed on the job in 2012 where the overwhelming majority were men.
more women died of child birth in WWI than men died at war…. So sure, lets trade. and if you were a rich man you got to escape war. It didn’t matter how rich your husband was, he was still going to force a child on you whether you wanted to/ whether it coudl kill you or not. so yeah, I’m sure many would love to trade. If men thought it was so bad they had the power to trade.. Today that have the choice to live a traditionally female role in life and yet hardly any choose to do… Read more »
@ Lynn
And yet women are just as likely to want a traditional gender role when that is possible. Most women have an expectation that their partner will be the primary bread winner. I’m not sure that men are not opting to be SAHDs completely due to their choices.
Here we go. Lynn is trying to thinly vale her ‘all men are rapists’. Do women not want children ever Lynn? And apparently all men want to force their wifes to have children? You are a misandric piece of shit. The stats for US are the only stats that correlate with your claim. And even then it is shaky as maternal mortality rates for the US where only recorded from 1915. Add to that, they included indirect deaths as maternal mortality, such as – died from influenza during pregnancy. Add to that its a silly comparison as the US where… Read more »
Lynn, where did you get your stats? John, MANY men are opting because of economic reasons. Many women who are the proverbial bread winners would trade. Take a look at the department stores, the big box stores, these women are not “career” women, they are working to make ends meet. Josh, the numbers for WWI were 116,516 dead, 204,002 wounded and, 3,350. WWII 405,399 dead, 670,846 wounded, and 30,314 missing. And you made a great point regarding cause of death. Josh, you said “And show me where women are lining up for stay at home dads? Where are the women… Read more »
@ Sage “Does that even need to be pointed out?” That needs to be proven. Many recent studies show that the gap is much smaller than you suggest. In adult and juvenile prison for example, men and boys are raped by women far more often than girls or women are raped by men. Approximately 5 times as often. Did male slaves in the south really get to tell their female masters no? I suspect the cry of rape would have gotten a slave killed just as fast as a white woman saying that a black boy looked at her got… Read more »
That should have read the PA State Police department …guys, ya really have to read this! http://www.pennlive.com/midstate/index.ssf/2014/07/us_sues_pa_state_police_saying.html
Just shame both genders for sexist remarks. Problem solved. Although there was one guy I didn’t defend from some serious sexual harassment a couple of years ago. Two young women were talking in graphic detail about what they would like to do too him. I just looked at him and he shook his head like ‘what a couple of losers’. He was dealing with it just fine.
“Rarely do I ever face resistance from women when speaking about equality and human rights. Why is this?” How often do you speak out against injustices to men relative to the amount of time you spend speaking out against injustices to women. I pointed to an article on this blog about a man who had nude pictures of him disseminated and the article didn’t even mention that it was wrong. It wondered about whether it would affect his career. “When will we, as men stand up and say NO—you have a right to nobody. They owe you nothing.” When we… Read more »
Damn, what a load of garbage.
That’s not about owing shit, but about compassion. People with enough emotional intelligence and compassion automatically feel this urge to help other people, to speak out against prejudice, etc.
Will you say “not cool” when someone tells you they’re going to circumcise their child?