Do survivors a solid, would you? Stop pretending that people who get hurt are too sensitive.
Comedians, if it’s not too much trouble – can you please stop using me and millions of other rape and sexual abuse survivors as a punch line?
I mean, come on Louis C.K. – do you think that just because you allowed your character to be raped on your show (perhaps more than once) that somehow you could get away with comparing pedophilia to your love of candy on Saturday Night Live this past weekend?
And hey- everyone at Saturday Night Live (especially you Pete Davidson, Cecily Strong, and Keenan Thompson)- don’t for a second try to pass off that Teacher Trial skit last month as some kind of piercing commentary on Barbara Walters’ recent interview of child rapist Mary Kay LaTourneau. It was nothing more than a shameless and unapologetic reinforcement of every toxic stereotype of male sexual victimization.
Look – I’m not trying to call for a ban on all rape jokes. I actually think the “Football Town Nights” piece from this season’s Inside Amy Schumer was masterfully done (and the rare exception that proves the rule that rape isn’t comedic). And I’m not saying we should not speak of these matters ever – far from it. Rape and sexual assault thrive on silence.
Stop thinking you’ll get a reputation for being fearless by trading in my trauma..
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What I am humbly asking is that you stop using the worst trauma of my life, and of many, many others’ lives as well to make yourselves rich and famous. Stop carelessly, selfishly and (more often than not) poorly finding ways to insert the rape I endured as a kid into your set. Stop thinking you’ll get a reputation for being fearless by trading in my trauma. You want to make fun of perpetrators? Go ahead – but please know that there are both male and female perpetrators in this world. And if you want to use rape as a punchline, don’t make fun of or otherwise belittle victims. And while I have your attention – enough with the prison rape jokes.
I know Amy Schumer (whose work I really enjoy) recently said “We’re really trying to educate, but that’s not always clear. We know what message we want to send, and we also think the premise is funny, and then we’ll go to town.” But the sad truth is that it seems none of you can even say the word rape without managing to demean or patronize survivors. And Amy? Anytime you’d really like to help, please send me an email. I’ll be happy to connect you with wonderful people who could really use your support.
So please, comedians – do survivors a solid, would you? Stop pretending that people who get hurt are too sensitive. We’re not oppressing your free speech, we’re giving you honest feedback. Don’t tell us we just need to lighten up a little, not everyone has the capacity to turn trauma into laughter. And stop thinking that even if you are a survivor, or even if you know and love a survivor, you’re entitled to be insensitive to the pain you cause to others.
Just think about what I’ve said. It would mean a lot to us survivors if you would take our pain out of your sets. It would help so many of us make much greater progress in our healing to not have our traumas used over and over again for cheap laughs. Besides, there are so many people whose actions really warrant your attention and scathing wit much more than we do.
Thanks.
PS – If anything I’ve written does hit home, feel free to make a donation to MaleSurvivor.org or Taking Back Ourselves – two organizations that are doing amazing work helping male and female survivors of rape and sexual trauma heal.
Helllo all. “Survivor” here. Not a fan of the wording but who cares really. I find some jokes funny and some not funny doesn’t matter on the subject matter. Why is this even being discussed? Change… the…. channel! Leave the room, don’t spend YOUR money on these things. Or we can try it this way- everyone who experienced trauma, we can’t joke about that subject. So no jokes about: rape, molestation, going to church, visiting Michael Jacksons play rooms, stock market crashes, homelessness, car chrashes, trying broccoli, parental discipline, having anxiety and being stared at……we don’t own trauma. Until we… Read more »
http://www.thepetitionsite.com/589/665/853/a-call-for-a-moratorium-on-incest-and-sexual-abuse-jokes/
Please add your signature to the above oetition
I’m sure there are also people who suffered because of war, or Terrorism, Poverty, abusive parents, Dugs, Eating disorders, massive bullying and a million other things. So I guess it is safe to say that we can not laugh about anything anymore,
Great comment. I think I’m on board with this line of logic. Re-reading the essay, I can see that the pain that is brought to the author is that a horrific act (theoretical as it was) was used to generate laughter; generally one of the most positive responses we have at our disposal (though there are other brands of laughter associated with far more painful emotions). The tricky thing is foreswearing a highly sensitive subject in all contexts but specifically fictionalized ones. After Sunday’s Game Of Thrones episode in which a beloved character was victim of sexual violence, a not… Read more »
I like the fact that the article was phrased as a request rather than a demand. First, because an appeal to empathy may actually be more effective in getting people to listen and, second, because a request acknowledges the fact that people may or may not take the request to heart. As far as comedy and terrible subjects are concerned, I completely understand how people who have been in some way involved with that subject matter will be completely unable to laugh at any joke in the context of that subject. However, I would always like to emphasize that there… Read more »
I remember the old priest / pedophile jokes popular in the 70s. I think that people knew what was going on in the Church to some extent and the humor was a way to deal with something they couldn’t address directly. There are more people involved than survivors and people who’ve been untouched (to their belief) by sexual trauma. There are the people who know and love survivors. The priest / pedophile jokes may have been hurtful for those abused by priests, but maybe it gave voice / some solace to those indirectly affected by trauma. I’m not disagreeing, Chris.… Read more »
John, Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I think there’s another perspective on the priest jokes, and neither one is necessarily the “right” point of view. I know that the jokes made many survivors not recognize that what they had lived through was itself a very potentially disruptive and harmful form of trauma. I know many men who lived for decades in silence in part because of the tenor of the discussions of abuse by priests. By having rape be minimized into a punch line of a joke it communicated to some survivors that there was no safe place for them… Read more »
I remember those jokes. I remember my parents and their party guests laughing their lungs out at them. How does a little kid disclose what’s happening to him in that environment? Those 70s (and 2000s) jokes, Lou CK’s routines, armchair scoffing…they ALL give license to the abusers and gag the victim in ways maybe the general public can’t understand. The nature, the subject matter, is all such cheap and wimpy material for those comedy writers whom are cheap, weak and wimpy in their art. Chris Anderson is 100%! The laughs (cheaper than dirt) truly are realized at the expense of… Read more »
Yeah I have to agree. We do joke to relieve our cultural discomfort with something, but we have to remember the survivor in the room who might be thinking, “Wow, my pain is funny to you.”
Dear Comedians:
Please continue to use my trauma (and yours) as material. It’s because of this I have been able to cope and now joke about what happened.
It’s because of you that so many people are no able to come forward about a dark secret that exists in our society.
Thanks for you comment CJ. I wish you only the best in your continued recovery.
“Words are in this respect like water, that they often take their taste, flavour, and character, from the mouth out of which they proceed, as the water from the channel through which it flows.” ~ Charles Caleb Colton they also obscure and confuse the message, because often what is implied is not what is inferred. “The speaker\writer loses control over them once the words are finalized and let out. They become the property of the listener\reader. It is for them to decide the content and the meaning.” ~ Susheel Kumar Sharma hopefully, rape and pedophilia jokes, plus any resulting backlash,… Read more »
Hi, Jennifer Pozner notes in a piece on feminism and comedy that “humor works best when it exposes injustice, not perpetuates it.” Carlin did this by actually describing, condemning and bringing context to the social issues and identities he may at first have seemed to be insensitive to. “Context” is sorely missing in our sound bite driven, media saturated world. I get Louis CK’s intention because I’ve researched him, I know his background, his intent. Context is missing from his comedy at face value for folks who don’t know him, which leads to interpretations and hurt. Additionally, media literacy teaches… Read more »
Hello Freddie, Thanks again for your comment. I don’t ever recall Carlin comparing pedophilia to eating candy. Nor do I ever recall hearing Carlin call male survivors of sexual trauma “fucking pussies” who should “shut up” and “grow a pair” as Bill Maher did last year on Real Time. I said in another comment on this thread that comedians need to punch up, not down. Carlin made a career using his comedy to go after the powerful and give voice to the frustrations of the powerless. That is one of the reasons he is venerated today. Louis , and the… Read more »
Christopher, we are on the same page. I’d like to call on CK to step up (punch up), stop staying ‘mea culpa’ and add context to his work. Tosh is a racist dingbat among other things and we could they could all learn from Carlin. And we need the human rights commission to investigate rape in US prisons for the crimes against humanity that they are.
While I wasn’t personally offended by the joke, and while I am a survivor of sexual abuse as a child, that doesn’t change the fact that asking a comedian to be more respectful is NOT CENSORSHIP. Censorship is when someone’s joke or idea or book or art is forcibly concealed from the public. Male Survivor has JUST as much right to ask Louis not to say things like that as Louis has a right to keep saying things like that. No one called for taking Louis off the air or threatening him with consequences for making rape jokes – a… Read more »
Dear Joe, thank for your kind words. I, too, can laugh at a joke, even while it offends and insults me simultaneously. emotional is not rational. love is not logic. passion is not reason.
“Temperance is reason’s girdle and passion’s bridle.”
~ Jeremy Taylor
Healing process takes time and patience and humour.
“Comedy is tragedy plus time.”
~ Carol Burnett
But community love and support can speed the recovery.
There is fine line between parody and satire, the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues. (“A parody is a composition that imitates the style of another composition, simply for comic effect and often by applying that style to an outlandish or inappropriate subject.”) What is missing is the fact that rape jokes in general lack the satirical condemnation of the act (see anything on Tosh 2.0)…What Louis C K is doing is satire. But he also has to be responsible… Read more »
Dear Freddie, very well put. I am glad you mentioned George Carlin. There was an artist who knew how to cross the line, break the rules, and make a valid social statement in the same joke. A genius. Let us all remember that not everyone laughs at the same jokes, and sometimes people just “don’t get it”. We love to laugh at other people’s misfortunes. Just look at “AMERICA”S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEOS”. First episode date: November 26, 1989! 26 years and still going strong. Go back to SLAPSTICK silent films. What is funny about sitting on a stove and burning… Read more »
Hello Freddie, Thanks for your thoughtful comment. Your points are well taken. I fully agree that satire is needed to hold the high and mighty accountable whomever they may be. What I find deeply frustrating is the continued thoughtless and careless use of intentionally triggering material without any accountability to survivors who have very legitimate frustrations w/ having victimization dismissed and minimized. This is especially a problem with male victims, a point which I chose not to make in this piece as it’s something I’ve said far too often in the past. I’m also a great fan of George Carlin,… Read more »
I support the right to free speech.
Mr. Anderson has every right to express his opinion.
As do the people who chose to criticize Mr.Anderson.
What a person says reveals a lot about their character.
The right to free speech does not include the right to be free from criticism or consequences.
Words have power. That cannot be denied.
Dear AndyG,
You open your comment by stating that you “don’t want to discount anything anyone ever went through.” and then you proceed to do just exactly that.
I’m not seeing where AndyG discounted anyone’s experience. He’s saying that he didn’t feel as though Louis CK ever demeaned or attacked survivors of sexual assault (of which I am one, incidentally). I didn’t see the monologue, so cannot comment directly, but from what I glean from AndyG, it sounds as though Louis was trying to view pedophilia from the attacker’s perspective. Which is shocking, sure. Confronting … and perhaps really important. I know that one of the most important realizations in my healing process was the notion that my attacker was and is a human being. Framing him as… Read more »
“I can’t really say I agree with any of the hate being thrown at him today.” – AndyG
To disagree is to discount.
This statement discounts Mr.Anderson’s article, and in my opinion, that discounts Mr.A’s reaction, which discounts Mr.A’s experience.
I also object to the use of the word hate.
There is no hate in Mr.A’s article that I can detect.
Please point it out, if I have overlooked it.
Disagreeing and discounting are not the same thing, not at all. To discount someone’s experience is to negate it, to act like it never existed, to render someone invisible. And AndyG did not do that.
He disagreed, yes, but did so respectfully — after taking pains to say that he’s aware that the experience of sexual abuse is something he doesn’t share. We need more discussions like this, not less. Let’s not throw our allies under the bus and render THEM invisible. That’s the only way forward.
Listen, I don’t want to discount anything anyone ever went through. As a cisgendered white heterosexual male, and in the words of Louie CK himself, “you can’t even hurt my feelings.” I’m lucky enough that I’ve never been the victim of any sort of violent crime, sexual or otherwise, so I can’t really say that I know what it feels like to live with that. I’m sorry that happened to you, as I’m sorry it has happened to anyone. All that being said, I watched the monologue and I can’t really say I agree with any of the hate being… Read more »
He called it “good” – that sex with kids must be really “good”. Like, I get what you’re saying, that he’s sorta making fun of the offenders for even tinkling that “sex” with kids could be good but it’s repeating a notion that survivors have had thrown at us all our lives. You were irresistible. You were tempting to me. I couldn’t stop myself. If you hadn’t have been so ______ I wouldn’t have done it. Trust me, survivors of abuse don’t need more reasons to blame ourselves for what happened, even when we know exactly (in our minds) that… Read more »
What makes you so sure it’s just “your” trauma?
“Our trauma” may well be more accurate.
Hi Oirish,
An excellent point. I chose to use the term “my trauma” in this case because I felt it was more impactful to personalize the critique. You’ll see in the article itself I’m very clearly not suggesting that I’m the only one who is hurt here.
I changed the pronoun to match what I was trying to say, but I don’t think I was very clear.
My point is you speak as if rape-joke-making comedians and rape survivors are two distinct, non-overlapping groups of people. I’m saying that might be a rather ill-advised assumption.
Actually, disregard the preceding. You did acknowledge that – my mistake.
Oh please. I’m not discounting anything you personally went through but I see your perspective as nothing more than opportunistic faux outrage. Like Steve Martin used to say, “Comedy is not pretty.” And the second we start censoring comedians then we’re right in to don’t draw a picture of Mohammed territory. But thanks for letting us know which rape jokes are suitable and which aren’t. And if you’re having a hard time getting over your pain due to some jokes then I’d say you might have some other more pressing issues to deal with. So dear article writers. Could you… Read more »
TJ
Thanks so much for sharing all your thoughts. I think there’s a wide gulf between what I’m saying and fundamentalist extremism. Perhaps it would help if I clarified my point for you.
I’m saying punch up, not down.
Not every critique of what a performer says in a public forum is an attempt to destroy free speech. I respectfully suggest that we’d be a hell of a lot better off if we shifted a little compassion and protection onto survivors and away from protecting the rights of entertainers to be shielded from criticism for saying stupid and hurtful things.
Dear TJ,
you open your comment by claiming that you are “not discounting anything you personally went through but…” then you proceed to do exactly that.
TJ: Its people like you, and performers like L.C.K. who perpetuate and inflame one of many barriers that exist between the child victim and his disclosure of the crime. As a child, to see and hear your society making light and laughter of “that,” is to know the perpetrator was correct. “No one will ever look at you the same…the shame will be on you…your life will be altered forever, etc.”
And TJ….wish you were here!
I think the idea of this being opportunistic and “faux” need to be addressed. Opportunistic: Did Chris take the opportunity of some very hurtful jokes by someone we’re generally HUGE fans of to write an article? Yes, so in that way he is opportunistic. But all activists need to take the opportunity of things happening in the media to talk about our activism in a way that connects our work to something people can relate to. Faux: This word “faux” means fake. Faux fur is not really fur, it’s synthetic. But what makes you think Chris’s outrage isn’t really outrage?… Read more »
HEAR HEAR!
Well spoken. Well written.
Hopefully it will be well read!
Thank you for speaking out for so many of us who have been silenced, or are still seeking our voice.
God bless your efforts to support the millions of survivors, and for honouring those who didn’t.
Thanks for your support!