Scott is a man who represents many widely quoted studies and surveys, but there’s one he would never have shown up on, until now.
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It never ceases to amaze me the range of things we track about other people — and how dependent we are on the resulting “statistics” to help us form and justify our beliefs, attitudes, and actions.
But more heartbreaking, to me, are those who hold their “dirty little secret” like Atlas holding the earth on his shoulders, or little Hans Brinker holding back the waters of the world from overtaking his home town.
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We’ve heard a lot of statistics lately about how many women, and men, are survivors of sexual abuse.
The numbers are heartbreaking, especially if you happen to be among the percentage of people who fall into category of “survivor.”
But more heartbreaking, to me, are those who hold their “dirty little secret” like Atlas holding the earth on his shoulders, or little Hans Brinker holding back the waters of the world from overtaking his home town.
Those aren’t statistics. Those are stories.
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This is Scott’s story.
When you break it down to statistics it looks something like this:
He went to school and loved sports, music, and the pinball arcade. He had loving parents and a community of adults he trusted. Yeah, we don’t track those things much.
But we do track these:
- Smoker
- Drug addict
- Bully
- Attempted Suicide
- Married
- Unfaithful to spouse
- Divorced
- Single father
- Arrested for assault and battery
The next time you think about statistics — think about Scott.
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Nine lists, nine stats, nine descriptions of a man. And Scott fit all of them.
But the 10th was missing:
Survivor of sexual abuse
We say that rape affects more women than men, because that’s what the “statistics” tell us.
The statistics lie. Because people can’t put down the burden, the one that was too heavy at 12, or 20, or 30, or 40, and tell their truth.
The next time you think about statistics — think about Scott.
Photo: Youtube
That’s heartbreaking!
A good resource for men who have experienced sexual trauma is 1in6.org.
Brave fella. I hope Edgar R. scared he might get his ass beat (not that it happens, just that he’s constantly scared it will)
Mark, I see you have your own agenda, and that’s fine. But in pushing it you are ignoring the point of this writing. One, rape is underreported and has been for years. So no, my not mentioning your studies in this article isn’t lying, it’s unrelated. When you find a study or survey that proves that all survivors have spoken and been acknowledged then you will be speaking to the point here. Two, every story matters. You will NOT belittle Scott’s story by pushing your agenda in this space. I have too much respect for him and others like him… Read more »
Perhaps you don’t know or care about the statistics on child sexual abuse either. That’s unfortunate, because they are quite encouraging. Here’s the best available data, from the fourth National Incidence Survey of Abuse and Neglect: “The estimated number of sexually abused children under the Harm Standard decreased from 217,700 in 1993 to 135,300 in 2005–2006 (a 38% decrease in the number of sexually abused children and a 44% decrease in the rate of sexual abuse)” http://www.acf.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/opre/nis4_report_exec_summ_pdf_jan2010.pdf The evidence clearly shows that we are doing a good job of reducing the incidence of all kinds of sexual abuse, as well… Read more »
If statistics can lie, so can stories, when they fail to mention statistics that might impair their believability. In this case, the particular statistic I am referring to is the one that says the incidence of sexual assault has fallen tremendously in recent years. As in, “From 1995 to 2010, the estimated annual rate of female rape or sexual assault victimizations declined 58%, from 5.0 victimizations per 1,000 females age 12 or older to 2.1 per 1,000.” That’s from the liars at the Bureau of Justice Statistics and, to anticipate the usual complaint, these are based on surveys, not reports… Read more »
It seems your concern is that by not mentioning that particular statistical trend you feel we are not acknowledging the good men? Rape isn’t about men being good or not good. If you look at the comments above, not all abusers are male. In fact, one of the topics we talk about often, among the GMP editors and writers and in our articles is the prevailing attitude that says if a woman coerces a man against his will he’s just a luck SOB instead of a victim of rape. Or even the clinically false assumption that a man CANNOT be… Read more »
While I understand your desire to get all the facts out there its just that they don’t really fit in an article about a person telling their own story.
If this were an article about rape in general and not a specific person then I think it would be more fitting to include those statistics (especially as a bit of an answer to the idea that women should consider all men as potential rapists).
But it just doesn’t fit here.
Doesnt have to be ‘sexual’ abuse. Getting your ass whooped for nothing every day for 10 years is equally bad. Trust me. Step mothers can be Bs with big ITCHES. Thats my secret. I am a father, married to an amazing woman who is the only one who understands, i was a smoker, i attempted suicide multiple times…1 woman made me get to that point and 1 woman saved me and continues to save me everyday from it.
Dixie, thanks for sharing Scott’s story and your own. I’m also a survivor of child sexual abuse, and like many at first it didn’t seem like “abuse,” since it wasn’t violent, and it was done by two women (my mother and her friend) on a little boy (me) and it was “for my own good,” and I really needed “the enemy,” and they had to hold me down while they filled me with water and my mother’s friend screamed “you better not let it out until I tell you.” And I grew up to be a therapist interested in sex,… Read more »
Thanks for sharing. That has got to be tough, I can’t imagine. Good on ya for telling your story.
Hi Jed
Thanks for sharing.
May I ask you a question?
Why is it that some survivors do not see they get used as adults as well , in marriage,in romantic relationship.?
The other thing is who would you tell? I’ve heard survivors say that even rape crisis hotlines don’t want to hear it if you’re a man.
Any man in my life can tell me. Some have. I always appreciate it.
I was Annoyed that their is no link to either tell your story or to tell your secret to these people !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Please tell me where you expected a link and who you wanted to tell your story to. Perhaps I can help.