Scott Posey originally wanted to have his newborn son circumcised, but, after he honestly asked himself why, his opinion started to change…
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When my wife and I decided to start trying to have a child, one thing was abundantly clear in my eyes—if we had a son, he would be circumcised. This wasn’t based on any type of science or peer researched studies, just the fact that I was circumcised as were all the males in my family. My wife was staunchly opposed to this and it was a point of contention amongst us for some time. We weren’t pregnant though so there was no need to worry about it… for now. Plus, there was a chance we would have a girl and this would be a moot point. Fast forward a couple months and we were pregnant. Fast forward a couple more and we knew it was a boy… uh oh.
My wife and I had some arguments about it, with the worst occurring after a pediatrician interview in which the nurse practitioner basically told my wife she was overacting and the entire procedure was painless and the babies sometimes didn’t even cry. “See!” I said, “The doctor is even saying it’s not bad. Plus, you’re not a guy, you couldn’t understand why I want him to match!” Apparently that wasn’t the correct thing to say and we spent the remainder of the ride home in an awkward silence.
Following that visit, I decided to do some research of my own. My initial thoughts on the matter were the following:
1. I am circumcised, so my son should match his father.
2. Circumcised penises are cleaner and easier to clean.
3. A child left intact would be made fun of in some future locker room scenario in my head.
With those couple thoughts in mind, I began researching and immediately found that I was absolutely not alone in my quest for information on the foreskin.
One of the first things I noticed was a lot of talk pertaining to circumcision preventing urinary tract infections and actually helping to reduce the spread of HIV. “Wonderful!” I thought. This was exactly what I was looking for. Upon further review, however, it was shown that any positive benefit was null and void with proper cleaning of the penis. If you teach your son to clean himself properly, the benefits are practically none. Plus, cleaning a penis isn’t rocket science and proper hygiene is something every parent is going to teach their child anyway (hopefully.)
My other thoughts about my son being made fun of in the locker room were also quickly squashed as I noticed a decrease in circumcision rates across the US. Dr. Sears states on his website, pertaining to circumcision, that by the time a child born now is old enough to be in the stereotypical gym room/locker room scenario that half of the boys will be circumcised while the other half will not. It won’t be as polarizing a topic as it was when I was in high school when most parents had their child cut in the 80’s. OK, well, that’s another fear down the drain. It is starting to look like the US is catching up with the sentiments many parents outside of the US have when it comes to circumcision—being left intact is the way to go.
Finally, I was left with the biggest and probably the most selfish reason—I want my son to match me. When asked about it by my wife, I couldn’t really put it into words. No, I wouldn’t stand next to my son one day and compare my penis with his in a mirror and say, “Yep, good thing we match!” The urge to have my son match me most likely stems from some psychological notion of dominance and claiming territory. “This child is mine because we match!” When confronted with the issues that could arise due to a botched circumcision and the studies currently underway on the sensitivity of the foreskin in relation to sexual enjoyment—plus when you throw in the pain my son would go through just days after being born—I couldn’t do it.
My wants were foolish in the grand scheme of things and selfish at best. After holding my son for the first time in that delivery room, I knew that, even if I had wanted to circumcise coming into the hospital, my feelings would have immediately changed after holding this precious and absolutely perfect baby in my hands.
There is no concrete evidence of the benefit of circumcision that isn’t debunked with proper hygiene or overshadowed by doubts in the medical community. This isn’t something like vaccines where it’s generally accepted across the world by medical practitioners that the benefits outweigh any small discomfort the child may have. The medical community constantly switches its stance on the benefits of circumcision and, in the end, say it’s a personal choice the parents need to make on their own. You’ll see a lot of parents that go strictly for the aesthetic approach. “Uncircumcised penises look weird” or “We want him to match his father.” I can understand this, but I don’t approve, at least not anymore.
In the end, I do agree it’s a personal choice, but make sure you do your research and know what your child will be undergoing. Watch a child having the procedure done—it’s not a happy joyous occasion, it’s actually quite sad. If you’re religious and it’s part of your religious doctrine to have it done, go for it. I’m a godless heathen but I respect that people have a set of beliefs that they stick to and you can’t cherry pick what you want to follow. If you truly believe that God demands the foreskin of your child, have at it, but make sure you understand the procedure and don’t let some ultra-Orthodox Jewish rabbi put his mouth on your child’s penis—that’s not going to end well and it’s really freaking creepy.
Do your research and make sure you understand the procedure. There are a number of resources out there such as Intact America, NOCIRC, and Mothers Against Circumcision that offer the alternative view to popular culture. Read up, watch the procedure being done, and learn as much as you can. That way, if anyone asks why you did or didn’t have it done, you’ll be able to answer truthfully and with the knowledge that you made the right decision for your family. If you want to watch a really informative video on the whole circumcision business, feel free to check out the video below. Penn and Teller, on their former Showtime series Bullshit, covered the topic of circumcision and make some really good points. It’s definitely worth watching if you need to make an important decision for someone being born.
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Originally appeared on Father Nerds Best; Credit: Image—Jeremy Hunsinger/Flickr
I wish I could turn back time & take a mulligan on our choice (or lack of) with my two boys. I am much more enlightened now & have apologized to them both for the unkindest cut that they experienced. In the moment there was no discussion, the Dr. Just came in and took them for “their” circ. if was today I’d bar the door!
Plus, cleaning a penis isn’t rocket science and proper hygiene is something every parent is going to teach their child anyway (hopefully.) This is the key to me here. You mean to tell me in all this “changing masculinity” and “redefining the modern man” we can’t fit it some time to teach genital hygiene? I’ve noticed that even those that push for circumcision for the supposed health benefits seem to never answer the simple question of, “Why not teach him how to keep it clean?”. I mean how many other body parts are removed from the body at that young… Read more »
You’re 100% right. My wife put it perfectly. Growing up, little girls are tough to wipe correctly when they go to the bathroom. Do we just not tell boys how to clean themselves? No, we show them the correct way to clean themselves and they take that knowledge into their adult lives with them.
And if a parent didn’t teach their kid proper hygiene, when they hit puberty and start dating I guarantee they’ll figure it out for themselves.
@ Danny
“I’ve noticed that even those that push for circumcision for the supposed health benefits seem to never answer the simple question of, “Why not teach him how to keep it clean?”.”
That’s circumcision for the benefit of the parent not the child. That raises legitimate questions of whether they’re capable of raising a child. I would categorize that as child abuse. Would we allow parents to chain their children to a wall because they don’t want to take the time to watch them?
In the end, I do agree it’s a personal choice, but make sure you do your research and know what your child will be undergoing. Watch a child having the procedure done—it’s not a happy joyous occasion, it’s actually quite sad. If you’re religious and it’s part of your religious doctrine to have it done, go for it. I’m a godless heathen but I respect that people have a set of beliefs that they stick to and you can’t cherry pick what you want to follow. If you truly believe that God demands the foreskin of your child, have at… Read more »
I don’t think I was being contradictory at all. The practice of circumcision is debated in the medical field and pros and cons can be found on both side. I feel that the pros aren’t sufficient enough to warrant anyone coming near my child to perform that. Maybe another family will think different but I think that if everyone did the research, circumcisions would drop drastically. With that said, the topic of religion is a touchy subject. For some parents, they may feel that circumcision is wrong but due to their belief set they feel that they need to have… Read more »
I am not circumcised, neither are my sons. I honestly couldn’t imagine letting someone slice part of my son’s penis off! Well done for resisting an old-fashioned and entirely unnecessary, even barbaric, practice.
+1 for everything Graham said. I would like to add that it is not ok to be barbaric, just because your religious manual says so. Scott, would you approve of stoning a woman if ‘needed’? It is just as barbaric as cutting off part of your son. Strange that the US is so far behind civilized countries. Great article otherwise!
Thanks Harry. I don’t agree with the religious practice and maybe I should have worded it differently. I think it’s barbaric and horrible and a ton of other adjectives. But I know that fighting religion is a losing battle. When people block marriages of others for the sake of their religious text, how can you ever expect them to change a birthing ritual that actually affects them? I agree though, it’s barbaric and shouldn’t be done, but when it comes to religion, there are plenty of other barbaric and backwards things being done in “God’s” name that should be worked… Read more »
Thank you for the comment! I grew up in a family where that is just what was done. If my wife didn’t raise a question to the practice, my son may have been cut. I’m thankful she did question it though because it led me down a path of research that ultimately made my mind up for me.