Ariel Chesler is a dad who is worried about the ways in which kids’ toys are becoming more and more gendered.
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As we celebrate 93 years of women’s right to vote, the backlash against women’s rights, equality of the sexes and challenges to gender norms is everywhere. We see it most clearly in the intensifying attack on reproductive freedom throughout this country, but, it is seen in many areas: pay inequity and the harm that motherhood has on women’s careers, the lack of progress on high-level jobs for women in business and in government, the continuing and horrifying frequency of domestic violence and rape (including in the military), the way women’s bodies are portrayed and displayed in pop culture, and the way women – including women in powerful positions – are still judged by their appearance.
But I deal with a more subtle backlash every day as the father of two young daughters. It is the normalcy placed on rigid gender roles in children’s clothes, toys, cartoons and popular culture, with the message: ”this is just the way things are.” Boys are blue. Girls are pink. Boys like trucks and balls. Girls like dolls and strollers. Boys are physical. Girls are verbal. Boys are messy. Girls must look beautiful. As Morgan Davie put it: “The world is giving my child, and yours, a script. Here are your lines; here is your costume; here is where to stand.”
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Before my first daughter was born in 2010, I had no idea of the extent to which children are still placed in gender boxes. But I learned quickly enough after her birth as we received gifts. First came pink onesies. Then pink dolls and strollers. Then pink dogs in pink purses. Then things to put in her hair. And later, princesses.
Whatever differences there may be between boys and girls, this script our children are given limits possibilities, discourages imagination and individuality, and diminishes them.
In this year’s May and June issues of Parenting magazine the idea of “girl toys” and “boy toys” was recognized as nothing more than a marketing concept. Even more fascinating was the discussion on biology which noted that while there are innate differences between the sexes – mostly related to a difference in testosterone levels and the lengthy development of the frontal lobe in boys – “boy-girl differences are not as hard-wired as many parents believe.” The conclusion: Much of what we learn and who we become comes from our parents, and parents should try to think of their task as just raising human beings. Culture plays a role, yes, but parenting is critical.
Toys More Gendered Than Ever
Sadly, children’s toys are now more gendered than ever. It was not always this way. Elizabeth Sweet, who researches gender and children’s toys at UC Davis, says toy advertisements actually appeared to be the least gendered around 1975. As has been documented by Let Toys Be Toys, a recently formed UK-based campaign, toy catalogs from the 1970s did not demand that all of the items for girls be pink. Today, this is the way of things. And, unlike the past, most toys are now explicitly labeled for girls or boys, thereby limiting children’s choices from the moment they enter the store. Not only are individual toys marketed by gender cues – color or showing a girl or boy on the box – but whole aisles in stores are limited by gender. Toy websites are similarly divided this way.
As discussed by Peggy Orenstein and others, even Candyland, a classic board game from 1949 which teaches children simple game play, counting and colors has been Disneyfied, pinkified and sexualized In its 2010 version. Lego, with its bold primary colors, has also capitulated to these new gendered toy rules, recently introducing a pinker Lego Friends line for girls.
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Shannon Brugh worries about how to raise feminist sons who are “just as happy—just as comfortable—taking care of a baby as they are throwing a ball around a field.” I worry that my daughters will be on the other side of the equation – that they will learn that their role is simply to push around a pink stroller and to judge themselves solely by their appearance or their ability to procreate.
I fear that my daughters will be limited by the culture they ingest, that I will be powerless to stop it. That they will, in the end, be eaten by Cinderella.
Thankfully, there are other thoughtful feminist parents out there who are concerned with these same things, and who are mad as hell and are not going to take it anymore. On CNN’s Girl Rising, David Perry expressed concern about his daughter receiving the “best dressed” award at preschool while boys received awards for physical attributes or abilities, such as building, climbing, or running. I agree with Perry that the prospect of raising a girl in this culture can be “terrifying.” It is a constant struggle against the grain because the images of girls and women we are resisting are everywhere.
Perhaps what is most infuriating is that the real world has moved on from these restrictions based on one’s sex. My daughters are growing up in a time where they truly can be and do anything. They will learn this not only from the strong women among our family and friends who are lawyers, business owners, and other professionals (not to mention feminist leaders), but also by the fact that, for example, their doctor and dentist are women. And they will see that in most families both parents work outside the home. Variations in gender identity and sexual orientation are more accepted. We have already met women police officers, judges, elected officials, and even that rarest of things, a woman taxi driver. And fathers, including myself, are more involved in childcare and raising children than ever before. The gender norms have changed.
Unfortunately, through pervasive marketing over these past 30-plus years, gendered toys are now back in tradition, as is screening the classic Disney princess movies. I have heard some say that there is no harm in these things, that it is just fantasy, that girls like it. Yet, if the fantasy is always the same for girls, it is a direct message about the roles they should play, and not merely harmless imagination.
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How can we continue to stand by as corporations and the culture overall tell our children what they can and cannot play with or enjoy? It is infuriating that toy versions of beauty products, cleaning products, and cooking products are marketed to girls, while toolkits and sports equipment are marketed to boys. All the children I have observed – boys and girls – love to play with toy kitchens and strollers, as well as balls and building blocks.
By limiting children’s choices, we allow them to miss out on a full and varied life, and perhaps even limit their development in certain areas. I cannot accept this situation and am disheartened at how “normal” it has become. I don’t like my daughters being placed in a box.
Yet, I am hopeful that the combination of my efforts, the efforts of campaigns like Let Toys Be Toys, and the example of the women who surround my daughters will be enough to imbue them with the right values – emphasizing the internal over their looks and removing all limitations others might place on them. I am hopeful that they will grow up to be good human beings and will create their own unique boxes and write their own scripts.
Originally appeared at On The Issues Magazine
I really appreciate this article, and wholeheartedly agree. While shopping with a friend, for her soon-to-arrive baby girl, I was actually annoyed by the overwhelming amount of pink for the girls’ section. I actually hate the color pink, and always preferred blues and browns (the boys’ section had all my favorite colors). Even though I shy away from traditional “girly” colors, I still wear dresses and make up and like boys. I’m still very much a girl. Sadly, though, we as a society practically require that our children be dressed in the “right” colors, otherwise strangers are incapable of figuring… Read more »
“I have heard some say that there is no harm in these things, that it is just fantasy, that girls like it.” I’ve also heard many say, “People wouldn’t buy it if it were bad.” Right, because smoking is so good for people. “If you don’t like it, don’t buy it!” My children will still be exposed to these gender prescriptions. “Then home school them!” Because that’s such a ready and available option for all parents. This is an uphill struggle. The best I can do, before I have any children who are exposed to this mess, is prime those… Read more »
Fact is boys like boy things and girls like girl things BUT that’s not to say that you as a dad can’t allow your girls to play with what traditionally boy things.
Tom, would you say the same thing if he had a son who wanted to play with traditionally girl things?
My 3 year old grandson has a play kitchen, so the answer is yes. He also has a toy vacuum cleaner. Toy companies do market research and accordingly market to who they expect will play with and buy the toy. The majority of girls play with girl things and boys play with boy things but there are plenty of gender neutral toys as well. All of his learning toys are non-descript.
There are a surprisingly few number of gender-neutral toys. If you go to Toys R Us looking for them, you’ll be surprised.
I’m saying that as a mom of boys who are SO traditionally boyish it’s almost comical.
Been there, and I’m not impressed or surprised. I was “traditionally boyish” and I was chastised for it. Why couldn’t I have simply been a “traditional child”?
Kitchens aren’t just for women and neither are vacuums.
What if your grandson starts asking for Barbie or Hello Kitty backpacks, princess shoes or pink power tools, just because they’re prettier than the regular kind?
Not all girls like “girl toys” and not all boys like “boy toys”. I know this because I am a (straight) female and had no interest in dolls, strollers, Barbie, etc. I liked Legos, Star Wars, and video games. It wasn’t until i was maybe 7 that I began to realize that my taste in toys was apparently not “okay” because I only liked boy toys. Imagine the struggle, embarrassments, and insecurities this caused. Bless my mother for not forcing girl toys on me and getting me toys that I actually liked.
Tom, the market TELLS YOU who’s going to play with what, and children learn what they’re “supposed” to play with during the commercials between their cartoons. Their research tells them how they can manipulate you into believing that you want this or that. That’s their job. Lauren Faust’s “My Little Pony” (read: Season 1) told girls that they can be scholars, farmers, clowns, athletes, and not just clothing designers (which is nothing to sniff at since Rarity owns her own line) or caretakers (shown to be a rewarding occupation through Fluttershy’s example). Hasbro lashed back with “Equestria Girls”, reminding girls… Read more »
Ariel & Good Men – This is an excellent piece & I want to thank you for writing & publishing it! As a mom & Grandma close to Phyllis (Chesler) in age, this has been driving me nutz. We worked so hard since the 70’s to break gender stereotypes & to see how much worse the genderization of toys has become is extremely disheartening! And the marketing of these toys is so all-pervasive, that both parents & children are hard pressed to resist. I spent hours & hours online looking for a doll acceptable for my grandson, & the same… Read more »