Women have different reasons for not being in the mood. Dr. Gunsaullus gives five possible translations of “not tonight, honey”
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In my private practice with couples, I often translate female sex-speak to male sex-speak, particularly when a woman says, “I don’t want sex.” What does this mean to a man? And what are some possible reasons why the woman is saying that?
Despite the overlapping nature of our sexual needs and desires, men and women have different experiences of sex. Whether the differences are innate, socialized, or a combination of both, either way, ignoring these variations creates huge chasms in relationships. Women don’t mean to be vague or difficult, and they’re not trying to confuse men or set up for “failure.” Clear sexual communication is really hard for everyone and the vocabulary for it can feel like a foreign language. Below are five phrases many women often say, along with some interpretations. I offer one of many translations here to bridge this sexual gender gap.
1. “I’m just not in the mood.”
What Men Fear
She’s not attracted to me anymore. I’m not desirable. I feel powerless, and it isn’t fair that this keeps happening. I resent her for playing the role of gatekeeper.
Translation
As cliché as this “excuse” is, there are many reasons why a woman might say this. It might have something to do with you or it may not! Desire requires a balance of increasing excitement and reducing inhibitions. Resentment, hurt feelings, feeling overwhelmed, and even bad breath can all increase inhibitions. In long-term relationships, women’s physiological horniness may decline, so it’s easy to not want sex because her body doesn’t crave it.
Sex may also be less of a priority for her because her needs for intimacy and connection are now being met in other ways. Her mind and body don’t kick in like yours do with a deep need for sexual connection. Having less desire may put her in the gatekeeper role, but that’s a role most women play with guilt not power.
So what can you do? Prime her pump! This means finding out specifically what makes her shut off her multi-tasking brain, and feel present in her body to receive pleasure through touch. What makes her feel safe and nurtured by you? Priming the pump could be a day-long process, so be up for the challenge. It gets easier the more you learn the nuances of this dance.
2. “Stop. I’m not going to orgasm this time.”
What Men Fear
I’m not doing a good job turning you on and pleasing you. I’m a terrible lover. If you don’t orgasm, you can’t enjoy sex.
Translation
Sometimes, even the perfect alignment of the sun, moon, and stars can’t get a woman to orgasm. Sometimes she’s just tired and can’t concentrate enough to orgasm. Physical factors could also be at play, like where she is in her menstrual/ovulation cycle and whether she’s going through menopause, the amount of rest she’s getting and the time of day of the intimacy involved. Even poor nutrition can have an effect on her sex drive. Additionally, emotional components like her stress level, priority distractions, and sense of safety, whether she’s feeling pressure from you and whether there’s relationship distress—all of those things can kill orgasms.
A really important insight for men into women is that pleasure does not necessarily equal orgasm. Clearly orgasm is pleasurable, but there are so many aspects of sex that are pleasurable, like skin-to-skin contact, emotional closeness, playfulness, and giving pleasure.
3. “Sex just isn’t exciting anymore.”
What Men Fear
I’m not enough. She’s not interested in me anymore. She’s been with other men who were more exciting than me.
Translation
Women crave novelty. One of the biggest complaints I hear from women in long-term relationships who are unhappy with their sex life is that it is predictable. If it’s been boring for a while, she just wants to get the whole thing over with, which isn’t fun for anyone.
So make her feel special—but not in a cheesy way. Many women report that they want to feel cherished, something most men would never even consider important. This is not about technique, but about attention to making her feel good in her body in new ways. Slow down. Approach her body like she’s brand new to you. Pay attention to the details of her arousal. Wear a blindfold and explore the subtleties of her body as you express genuine affection for her and what she means to you.
4. “Don’t touch me like that!”
What Men Fear
Trying to please her is a moving target. She liked that last week, so why not now? We know where this whole thing’s going, so let’s just jump to the good stuff.
Translation
There are many factors at play here. She may not want to be touched in a sexual way so quickly. Her body might need time to warm up. If you reached for her nipples or vagina, it can feel jarring if her body and mind aren’t in sex-mode yet. Women also have varying arousal patterns and sensitivities based on their menstrual cycle. What brings pleasure one day can truly feel painful the next. Additionally, many women experience poor body-image, so touching certain areas could evoke self-consciousness. If you have young kids, she may feel like her body has been used up physically and energetically. To address this situation, ask her—What’s going on for you? Anything I can do to take care of you or to make the situation better? Either way, be slow, sensual, and nurturing when you approach her.
5. “You never show me/tell me you love me.”
What Men Fear
Seriously? You must be kidding. I just walked the dogs, drove our daughter to soccer practice, picked up dinner, and last night I stayed up late fixing our Internet connection so you can print from your phone. Why would I do those things if I didn’t love you?
Translation
If you’re familiar with the book The 5 Love Languages, by Gary Chapman, you know we all have different ways of giving and receiving love. If you show your love in a way that doesn’t match with what makes your partner feel loved, she can be in deficit and question your attachment. This makes her less likely to give to you too. If you feel loved and connected through physical touch and sex but she doesn’t, have a conversation about what feels loving to her, whether household chores, quality talk time, thoughtful gifts, verbal affection or appreciation. Take small steps towards giving love in new ways so you’re both fulfilled.
These five translations are certainly not true for all women all the time. However, most women don’t have the same relationship as men do between mind and body, or between desire and arousal, which may seem complicated to men at first. Don’t be scared away or judgmental just because a woman’s mind/body and desire/arousal relationships might be different than yours. Accept that it is different, appreciate that difference and start brushing up on your foreign language skills.
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image credit: Flickr/Context Travel
My problem is a mixed orientation marriage. Another reason that you don’t give in your list, but perhaps one that other women might own up to. My wife of 30+ years has just recognized that she is a lesbian. So at least i now understand why our sexual relationship has never been that hot, and why it is now non-existent. But we’re not without hope of finding some middle ground that allows us both some modest measure of satisfaction.
This is quite a generalisation in the article but each point has something in it. It does take women more time to warm up than men, especially because of the biology of the parts. Would men be so keen to jump straight into sex if they were the ones being penetrated? Methinks not
“Would men be so keen to jump straight into sex if they were the ones being penetrated?” I think a lot of women get around this by giving or receiving oral first, it’s still very sexually stimulating but gives time to build up and for some it’s their foreplay. I’m on medication which seriously increased my sex drive (ADHD medicine), I’ve heard that a tiny bit of testosterone for women also does this so maybe that is an option for those who need it. I was on medication that blocked my orgasms but I threw those out because my sex… Read more »
Archy
The warm up women like is like this:
If you want to make love to a woman on Saturday you start the warm up on Sunday. 🙂
If you are a husband, then you have to pray as well.
If this is a man that a woman is sexually attracted (e.g., well built fitness instructor), no warm up is required. I think you know this as well Archy. Only certain men need to do the warm up exercise.
bullshit
I’m not talking about warm up techniques, Archy. You missed the point
Who’s talking about or is anxious to jump straight into it?
Ok, now I saw it. Under #4, Don’t touch me like that “… let’s just jump to the good stuff.”
But what if you don’t want to be touched at all? What if whenever I try to just hug you, kiss you, or just feel you close, you take delibererate evasive action and start talking about something that happened at your job, some TV show you saw, or what kind of wallpaper we should put up in the living room?
FlyingKal “”””But what if you don’t want to be touched at all? What if whenever I try to just hug you, kiss you, or just feel you close, you take delibererate evasive action and start talking about something that happened at your job, some TV show you saw, or what kind of wallpaper we should put up in the living room?”””””” The rest of us would understand the relationship is over. But you struggle to see it. Not all relationships last for ever FlyingKal. It is hard to take in that you are no longer loved,no longer wanted,no longer desired.… Read more »
Hi Kim,
On that note, the relationship wasn’t over.
It never started.
I’m sorry for rambling.
What I really wonder is this. If a woman is really *not* in the mood, then won’t she (more or less actively and eagerly) try to avoid being “primed” as well…?
@FlyingKal,
Yes, she will not respond to attempts by you to ‘prime’ her pump.
It’s over at that moment.
Hi Jules,
Just to be clear, I’m talking about it on a general level, not about my own current (non-existent) relationship.
Had my eye on a man with a deliciously super high libido, but he chose to marry his long-term woman who has an average sex drive. He must have thought I would stick around to collect his crumbs but no, I moved on and now he is complaining and telling me how much he masturbates while thinking of me (daily actually). *sigh*…………. don’t come crying on my shoulder… he had the choice. And then there are women who have all that and don’t even appreciate it. The world can be an unfair place…. I would know what to do with… Read more »
He was cheating on her with you?
I am a female and would be very happy to have sex once or more times a day. I love it and can not relate. I don’t like this stereotype of how women supposedly don’t need sex as much as (or more than) men do. It totally does not apply to me. So I am just here to let people know that there are definitely women who love sex and want it as much as men do (if not more). It’s the best thing in the world.
Too bad it isn’t easier for people to mix n match based on sexual capability. I haven’t had sex for years but I love it 1-2x a day, it’s agony lol.
@Scorpio, It is not that women do not like sex. I know they do! Women are more sexually charged than men. The problem is they don’t want to have sex with their damn husbands! I to this day cannot understand why women just don’t marry the men they like to fuck. What gives her the right to deprive her husband of sex. She had NO problem having sex before marriage. Suddenly, she needs blah blah blah….It all a bunch of self centered garbage. Since my divorce, I have had a terrific sex life. Why? Because I focus on being a… Read more »
Right there with you.
I agree, Megan. The times when I was the one with the lower libido were because: a). I was freakin’ exhausted from working and/or going to school, then coming home to take care of the kid, cook dinner, clean, do laundry, pay bills, etc., etc., etc. Do not disregard how much freakin’ work women do, every day. Even SAHMs work hard too. Being stuck at home with little kids (especially not yet potty-trained ones) is taxing physically and mentally. b). I was in pain. I have endometriosis, which is actually very common in women, and it causes pain intermittently, as… Read more »
A helpful method to kickstart a sexless relationship is to flip the script on occasion and deny her when she wants sex. It often serves as a wake up call, that you may be losing your attraction to her, and in my experience the sex gets stepped back up for awhile after that.
Take her shopping… Let her try on designer clothes, drive a luxury car, peruse cruises, model some jewelry- whatever turns her crank…
And then when she is excited about taking it home explain…
“Oh, can’t you just cuddle with it today? Take your time I’ll meet you in the car.”
You do realize that this whole joke is based in the misogynistic idea that women are just prostitutes, right?
Not at all Megan- it’s more a commentary on selfishness and the decision not to meet a SO’s expectations…
It is, like so many jokes about spouses, another example of “What’s good for the goose…”
No, I’m afraid I don’t buy that at all. It wouldn’t be ‘funny’ if it weren’t drawing a very clear connection between sex for men and lavish monetary gifts for women.
Now please be aware, I’m not blaming you. The joke’s been around for ages, and it’s hardly limited to men. Witness the jeweler’s ad slogan “Every kiss begins with Kay.” But I thought it was worth pointing out.
It isn’t about the gift it is about unrealized expectations & desires…
yes, because manipulating people into giving you sex is just so manly.
Ok, my DH and I have been together for 27 yrs, our previously active sex life has taken a nose-dive now that we have 3 teenagers in a creaky old house in the city with small bedrooms – I just can’t relax. My 13 yr old repeatedly wakes up and bangs on the door. On a Saturday morning they gather under us in the living room to watch tv and I KNOW the floor creaks. DH gets pissed off with me for repeatedly ending sessions because he’s being too loud and banging into the wall. Now he refuses to be… Read more »
Thank you for bringing this up! Living with kids who are old enough to know what’s going on and not having soundproof walls is a MAJOR libido-killer. And I’d be willing to bet that a LOT of couples have this situation. A suggestion – not trying to tell anyone how to live their lives – is to set up a date-night or -afternoon where you send the kids AWAY – to a friend’s house, a movie, hang out at the mall, WHATEVER – and get it on all over the damn house! Bang a hole in that wall! Break the… Read more »
D.R. Bartlette,
Hi and thanks for the suggestion.
But do you know what happens when you make plans for things, like sending away the kids or going to a hotel for a weekend?
There will be EXPECTATIONS, which will lead to PRESSURE, which is also a perfect excuse for a major libido-killer.
There don’t have to be expectations. The arrangement can be, “this is our alone time; if we have sex, awesome, if we don’t, awesome. We just spent quality time together.” So long as that’s really the situation and it’s really OK not to have sex, it should relieve the expectations and pressure.
Jennifer Can you tell us how frequent sex men expects in a monogamous relationship ? Let’s say a man dream of sex twice a day and the women prefer two times a week. Can he push,nag, criticize and shame her into having sex twice a day or should he accept that he can have a long term love and sex relationship if he can live with great sex with her twice a week and sex with himself the other days? It is hard to understand why he rather live alone in celibay than to have sex with her twice a… Read more »
Say you married a woman who was eager for sex at every opportunity. Who had energy and passion for it. And then, after marriage, she says, “I’d really prefer it once every other week, but twice a week seems like a good compromise.” How would that man not feel lied to and cheated? I’d rather take care of my own needs and look for someone new than hang around for scraps. Because what she’s offering is anything but great sex–it is not born of resentment and rejection.
If you feel lied and cheated to after the marriage, it’s because you feel somehow entitled to it, which you aren’t
“If you feel lied and cheated to after the marriage, it’s because you feel somehow entitled to it, which you aren’t” Horseshit. People have full right to expect a decent level of respect, love, n care from a relationship. That is what it means to be in a relationship, if someone cannot handle giving that out without a damn good reason then they don’t deserve a relationship. If she is wilfully misrespresenting herself in the premarriage phase and drastically changes then he has every right to be pissed because she’s lying. Now if she simply is tired, worn out then… Read more »
love and care are not sex you dumb ape
Or perhaps he felt lied to and cheated because she did an about face as soon as she snagged a ring? Maybe, ya think?
A man Are you serious when you say about a marriage with good sex twice a week : “”””I’d rather take care of my own needs and look for someone new than hang around for scraps.”””””” Is impossible that some men’s expectations for sex in a life long committed relationship is somewhat unrealistic ? I do not understand how a grown man expect a wife to be eager for sex at every oprtunety year after year. Teenagers are at it like rabbits, and couples when they first meet. But year after year after year. But to expect sex every time… Read more »
Did you not read his post? The scenario you describe has nothing whatsoever to do with the one he put forth: “Say you married a woman who was eager for sex at every opportunity. Who had energy and passion for it. And then, after marriage, she says, “I’d really prefer it once every other week, but twice a week seems like a good compromise.” That’s not a guy complaining that his wife of fifty years doesn’t throw him to the bed like a teen at the mercy of raging hormones. That’s a guy who’s justifiably upset that once his beloved… Read more »
Oh the poor thing! He can go pay a street whore for his love needs. Sounds about the level of care he deserves.
Hi KIM Can he push,nag, criticize and shame her into having sex twice a day Probably not… or should he accept that he can have a long term love and sex relationship if he can live with great sex with her twice a week and sex with himself the other days? If the sex really were that frequent and that great, the vast majority of men would most probably be overjoyed with the situation! But I’d guess that we are probably talking more like once a month or twice a year, than twice a week, in most cases here. And… Read more »
Ditto!
Too many women simply think we men should be happy with whatever scraps we are tossed!
Yes, if my ex wife would have given men sex twice a week (with passion) I would still be married to her. Most married men are lucky to get sex once a week.
It is as you say FlyingKal.
If you are of the mindset that sex is something women “give” to you, I can only wonder how much it must suck to have sex with you. Yes, women are also taught that sex is something you “give” and something men “get.” If you’ll notice, in every other instance of having to give something to someone else, your only participation is giving & handing over. I guess she was the one that was expected to prepare herself and be sexy while (hairless body, etc.) you can just be “a man” with no efforts, give you oral sex while you… Read more »
Do you not see the flaw here? SHE gets ALL of her sexual needs for frequency met, she’s had her fill yet he’s still wanting more. ” It is hard to understand why he rather live alone in celibay than to have sex with her twice a week.” Twice a week probably isn’t too bad but for many men it’s twice a year at best. Why bother staying together? If my partner wasn’t having sex with me at least once a week I’d be considering leaving unless there are decent reasons such as health or life’s major stresses. I am… Read more »
Archy “”””””Would you like your husband to only give you another form of intimacy, maybe kissing or hugs less than once a week? If you like talking to him, maybe he only talks a lil bit at a time and doesn’t pay much attention but less than once a week does have a time where he pays full attention to you. How would you feel? Desiring more?”””””” Some husbands are like that all the time. Maybe that is the reason why the sex is no longer steemimg hot and no longer happens every day. Reading men’s comments it sounds like… Read more »
Reading men’s comments it sounds like it is always women that are not good enough in bed, while men see themselves as perfect in bed and out of bed.
It takes two to tango.
I know I’m not perfect, but I’ve at least tried to listen, and fulfill her needs, both out of and in bed.
If you’re just saying “No”, without neither listening nor trying, just expecting the desire and sex drive to appear “later”, any other day, I don’t Think it’s all that much of an argument.
@KIM, “It is hard to understand why he rather live alone in celibay than to have sex with her twice a week. Some men see this as an insult.” Most married men do not get sex twice a week. If my ex wife would have had sex with me twice a week (instead of once a damn month) then I would still be married to her. Most men do not desire sex daily. The problem is the women are uninterested in their husbands or the ones that are having sex with their husbands lack enthusiasm. I am one of these… Read more »
Most married women are ALSO unhappy with sex in the marriage. Their men are not listening as well. The biggest complaints are men don’t pay attention to their needs and won’t even try to satisfy them. Men want women to give them “sexual services” and never give anything in return to women, they just want to get theirs. So women just start having less and less sex until they stop having sex at all, cause they won’t put up with this unfair game. What I discovered is if you are a woman and want to feel pleasure, reach orgasm and… Read more »
I’m so fucking sick of hearing children like you whine about “lack of enthusiasm”. You sound like an entitled piece of shit. No wonder she left your sorry ass.
“These five translations are certainly not true for all women all the time.”
Yeah, no kidding. As a matter of fact, I found them almost offinsively inaccurate, based on nothing more than stereotypes. Particularly the line “Her mind and body don’t kick in like yours do with a deep need for sexual connection.” Speak for yourself.
translation: I’m a slut with no standards who blathers about sex online to get male attention.
I will elaborate a lttle more (this will make less sense if my previous post remains stuck in moderation, but whatever 😉 ) #1 So what can you do? Prime her pump! This means finding out specifically what makes her shut off her multi-tasking brain, and feel present in her body to receive pleasure through touch. What makes her feel safe and nurtured by you? Priming the pump could be a day-long process, so be up for the challenge. It gets easier the more you learn the nuances of this dance. If she does not desire you anymore, or if… Read more »
Yeah, can we just delete that whole Gatekeeper meme from human consciousness? Like, RIGHT NOW? It does nobody any good.
>sigh<
Hi Megan
I agree. The more men use the word gatekeeper about women the more we see them as beggars hoping for a little something thrown to them when we have some left overs.
You two are so right. We should totally ignore and disregard something that happens in our lives because it offends your sensibilities.
I think Megan was saying we need to stop the gatekeeper issue in people, as in people shouldn’t “gatekeep”. Kim just sounds insensitive and ignorant.
If you give out sex for a reward more than having it because you want to share in fun with your partner then you really shouldn’t be having sex (unless this is your career…)
Yes, Archy. That’s precisely what I was saying.
The whole idea that the basic dynamic is that the male whines and begs and goes crazy (assuming he doesn’t resort to violence) until the female grudgingly permits him to mount her, and more that this is how it SHOULD BE, is completely repulsive, not to mention an enormous insult to the entire species.
I was NOT saying that men shouldn’t call women out when it happens, as KIM thought.
Megan I am misunderstood here, but it is not important. I thought men used the word ” gatekeeper ” when they see themselves as totally sexually powerless. And when you see yourself as a victim and without power, then you give others all the power over you, sexually and otherwise . Your chances for sex are small……. That women give out sex as favors sounds perverse and I have never known a women that abuse her own sexualry like that. In fact I think it is a myth or some men’s interpretation of why their sex life is unsatisfactory or… Read more »
No, Kim. You’re not misunderstood. You’re misunderstanding. “I thought men used the word ” gatekeeper ” when they see themselves as totally sexually powerless.” Nope. Men and women use the word gatekeeper to describe the woman’s role in the sexual philosophy exemplified by purity culture. It’s the belief that we either have no sex drives at all, or at least no right to control them, and that our ‘job’ is to keep men at bay. This is absolutely a real world phenomenon and women do buy into it. It’s sad and it’s sick, but it happens. There’s no point castigating… Read more »
god, then on here are pathetic!
I beg your pardon, but personally I don’t have the habit of using the G-word.
I was only using it here to make a reference to a behavior that the author was using/describing in the article. That’s why I also put it in quotation.
I’ll take your word for it, but I don’t actually care. I wasn’t criticizing you for saying it, or anything else for that matter. We’re cool. 🙂
So we’ve been together for 5 months only but I’m noticing that my man favours the same routine, we do other positions but he goes back yogis old favourite often. He is spending less time preparing me lol
N
I disagree with the article, many women just use sex as a power play, have suffered it. My first long term relationship only was “not in the mood” once in 8 years and even then a little bit of caressing changed her mood. My second relationship, for example, twice in a row would not be in the mood in romantic weekend trips for my birthdays, last two years together. If a woman does that to you guys, it will be tough, but better in the long run, just get rid of her, it’s not worth having your sex life for… Read more »
Just fyi, enlightened humans don’t “get rid of” other humans. Sorry you are still on the level of apes.
If you’re familiar with the book The 5 Love Languages, by Gary Chapman, you know we all have different ways of giving and receiving love. If you show your love in a way that doesn’t match with what makes your partner feel loved, she can be in deficit and question your attachment. This makes her less likely to give to you too. If you feel loved and connected through physical touch and sex but she doesn’t, have a conversation about what feels loving to her, whether household chores, quality talk time, thoughtful gifts, verbal affection or appreciation. Take small steps… Read more »
I have two excuses: 1) my privates hurt from the sex we recently had or 2) I’m sleeping. I’ve never felt any of the things listed, but then again, i use the name “Atypical” for a reason …
2) Yeah, but can you think of a better way to wake up? 😀
Technically this is rape. I wouldn’t mind waking up to a loving partner doing it but they’re still at risk of being charged for rape if I ever wanted to because unconscious people cannot consent.
Maybe, just maybe it’s rape when you come to next to the person with whom you passed out last night…
If you’re in bed with someone who might call wake-up sex rape you probably shouldn’t be there in the first place..
WTF- I must be crabby, this is the 2nd time this month Archy & I disagreed…
Do note that what I define as rape and what the law defines as rape are slightly different in this respect. If the person gives you “consent” the night before and says “You can wake me up with sex” or leaves this as an outgoing thing then I do not think it is rape, but the LAW does because unconscious people cannot consent. I’m not sure a prosecutor would try take it to court though, and in most cases the unconscious person waking up who said previously that wakeup sex is ok probably won’t feel raped nor press charges.
Well again we’re back to my complaint that 90% of the rape stories at GMP don’t address the root cause, not a penis but intoxication…
Yeah… no. I don’t know what details you invented to make it rape, but please don’t call me a rapist just because you don’t know how wake-up sex works. It’s not a word to be used so casually.
Lookup the legal definition of rape, it fits the criteria. http://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/text/10/920 “(b) Sexual Assault.— Any person subject to this chapter who— (1) commits a sexual act upon another person by— (A) threatening or placing that other person in fear; (B) causing bodily harm to that other person; (C) making a fraudulent representation that the sexual act serves a professional purpose; or (D) inducing a belief by any artifice, pretense, or concealment that the person is another person; (2) commits a sexual act upon another person when the person knows or reasonably should know that the other person is asleep, unconscious,… Read more »
I’m guessing the statutes have a section definining what “sexual acts” are and their definition may differ from what other people consider sexual acts. Not that all laws make sense or are reasonable. Just saying, the section of the law you posted above can’t be interpreted without the legal definition of what constitutes a sexual act.
Yeah, and where exactly did I say that it was ok to have sex with an unconscious person? Did you miss the “wake up” in wake up sex? You need to back the hell off.
All completely solvable if people talk unless the woman doesn’t really know WHY she’s not in the mood. If that’s the case, the man is pretty much NOT screwed.
Find a partner who doesn’t need all their planets aligned in order to want sex and you’ll be far happier. Find someone who finds it easier to get in the mood than make excuses for NOT getting in the mood.
Good piece Jennifer. I really enjoyed it.
I am big on two things with my girlfriend: 1) Novelty and 2) getting her warmed up via non-sexual contact such as tightly holding her, massaging her, kissing her, cuddling with her…. It works!
My experience earlier in my marriage, and the experience of many other men, is that my wife seemed to have a growing list of reasons for not having sex, or a growing list of prerequisites to be met before sex would be a possibility. Ultimately, my perception was that we reached a point where it was impossible to get all the stars aligned the right way. All I heard was a list of negatives, all the reasons why sex would not be possible, and I never heard anything positive about reasons TO have sex. The big problem was some miscommunication,… Read more »