If we want men to be less aggressive, we need to stop acting like violence against men is funny. Do you agree?
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In viral video news, there’s a clip from the Jimmy Fallon show making the rounds. Fallon, looking like The Big Bang Theory’s Howard, starts dancing and otherwise reveling in the fact that “eveyone’s talkin’ ‘bout my tight pants.” J Lo, also in tight white pants but not at all nerdy, joins him on stage, reprises the dance and verse.
Then they recognize each other as competition. To the delight of the audience, she says “listen up you little bitch. You better hide your wife, you better hide your kids, because I will cut you. I will cut your father, I will cut your mother. I will scratch you. Don’t make me take off my heels.” Subdued—or sub-dude(?)—he leaves to find a new town; JLo is top of the hierarchy.
At the Huffington Post, the headline says she “scares” him. The Today show said she “trounced” him and over at Mashable, it’s just a ”competition.”
I don’t understand why this kind of casual violence against men is acceptable. Why do we think it’s okay—let alone funny—for someone to threaten a guy in this way. In response to the Isla Vista shootings two weeks ago, the Internet erupted with #yesallwomen telling personal stories about all the sexual violence, intimidation, and predation that women experience every day.
And here we have a casual threat against a man (by a woman). It’s the same kind of threat that boys and men grow up with. From a very young age, guys learn that any disagreement with another guy could lead to violence. There’s always a chance we’ll need to “step outside and settle it like men.”
I say Fallon and J Lo aren’t funny; the joke certainly wouldn’t work if he’d threatened to cut her and hurt her family. Can you imagine that idea even making it out of the writers’ room? The reaction if they filmed it that way?
What Fallon and J Lo did was to treat violence against men as a joke. That, in turn, hurts male victims. The skit shows us what our culture wants male victims to do: shut up and go somewhere else. But they’re here and there are millions of them. Consider:
A recent study of nearly 300 high school boys and male college students revealed that more than forty percent had been pressured to engage in sexual activity and more than one-fifth of survey respondents ended up having sex when they didn’t want to.
The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) estimates that 835,000 men are physically assaulted by an intimate partner every year. Those assaults are committed by straight and gay men, known intimates and strangers.
Christopher Anderson, Executive Director of Male Survivor, says that when all forms of sexual violence are combined, approximately 1 out of every 4.5 (or 2 of 9) males will be victimized.
Men and boys make up 75% of homicide victims, triple the rate of women and girls. That three-to-one ratio has been virtually constant for the last three decades, according the the Bureau of Justice Statistics.
When we make light of violence against men, we’re telling male victims they don’t deserve our support. Perhaps even that they need to learn to defend themselves and respond violently in kind. These messages keep guys in the manbox, disconnected from others, unable to ask for help, and violent.
If we really want to help boys and men lead happier and fuller lives, if we really want them to share their troubles and concerns, and if we really want them to choose non-violent approaches to conflict, then we need to stop making fun of male victims.
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To play devil’s advocate, is it not possible to interpret the attempt at humor is not in the fact that JLo threatening violence is funny, but in the unexpected departure from the otherwise cheery and corny tone? I argue that the skit’s humor is in the ridiculous incongruity between JLo singing a cheesey, campy song about tight pants with a huge grin on her face, followed by an instant, unexpected change in demeanor into an aggressive, over the top threatening lunatic over such a mundane topic as tight pants. I reject your claim that the skit somehow endorses or depicts… Read more »
George, the problem here is a matter of degrees; no, one skit about something isn’t going to radically alter the world Chaos Theory style. However, the problem is that gender based violence is everywhere in media; this is a high profile show, and is watched by many people. Imagine growing up in a house where, for instance, your mom repeatedly hits your dad, but the dad just takes it, because he believes it’s “no big deal”. You would then grow up to believe the same. Hence, the proliferation of gender based violence as acceptable is the true culprit. There has… Read more »
It’s about time. Violence in either direction is NOT okay. You made a grammatical error when you quoted the statistic that 835,000 men are physically assaulted every year. You said they are assaulted BY both gay and straight men. What you meant to say, I think, was that these male victims comprise both gay and straight males, No???
Thanks anon.
It’s accurate, if slightly awkward. Straight and gay men are both victims and perpetrators.
So what do you make of this?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NTXT7wv3908&list=RDNTXT7wv3908#t=125
I’ve never played the game and can’t speak to the techniques. I also can’t say if there were any non-groin strikes discussed, but the video seems to make fun / light of groin strikes, which let’s face it assume a male opponent. Getting hit in the groin for men has always been a running joke in the media. I’m not sure what to make of it.
Hi John,
Strictly speaking – and having seen only that clip – groin strikes are a good way to defend against a male attacker.
As for the more general “its funny when guys get hit in the balls,” I think that’s a problem on lots of levels. Hmmm, perhaps I need to give that 1,000 words one of these days…unless you do it first (contributions always welcome; see box near bottom right)
Honestly, I don’t know why this isn’t the main focus of this otherwise broader topic. It seems to me that violence towards men, especially by women, is directed at this obvious center of his physical vulnerability. And I’ve always wondered at the wide range of perception on whether it’s OK to ever hit a man or boy in the balls. I mean, sure, I wouldn’t blame someone for going for the crotch if they are actually being attacked, particularly if the man (perpetrator) is armed or clearly physically superior. But in all other circumstances, no. Period. But how sacred are… Read more »
Threats and verbal abuse is never acceptable. Whether it’s men abusing women or women abusing men.
agreed!!!
Shall we chat about women-get-revenge songs that if the genders were flipped would never get made? They sort of make me crazy. I don’t want them gender-reversed. I just don’t want them period. Yes, fantasy, catharsis, etc. Still don’t care for revenge songs, particularly violent ones.
Yes, JJ let’s chat. You want to write that up? collaborate?
There are entire genres of music about violence in music; cop-killer songs, etc. You’d really have to cover all music to be appropriate; at least “vengeance themed songs” are always done tongue-in cheek. Far to many songs are quite serious about the violence they justify. There is a song that’s a perfect example of this by Sugarland called “stuck like glue”, where in the video the female singer is an obsessive stalker who kidnaps a random guy she’s fixated on. It’s intended to be humorous, but it’s really terrifying; if the genders of everyone in the video were reversed, that… Read more »
Thank you for this. I routinely point out examples like this in the media, and my non-socially justice angled friends almost universally claim I am being overly sensitive. The fact is, promoting violence against any gender isn’t OK; if we want violence to stop, we need to stop gender based approval of violent actions. You didn’t even get into the fact that the violent outburst caused in the scene is because of her feeling sexually threatened–by a man that is dressing in a supposedly feminine way! On top of promoting violence, it reeks of homophobia, if not sartorial dissonance. Honestly,… Read more »
You’re welcome Richard, and thanks for posting.
You’e absolutely right: there was a lot here that could have been unpacked about our expectations regarding male & female sexuality, as well as what it means to be straight & gay. And all that from a 2:30 skit. *sigh*
@ Richard Grant Muir “I routinely point out examples like this in the media, and my non-socially justice angled friends almost universally claim I am being overly sensitive.” I wonder if that’s because the violence is directed towards the man. There are jokes where the violence is directed toward the woman. They may not be as prevalent in society because the media shun them, but they exist. Male perpetrated violence against women as a non-joke in the (non-news) media is prevalent. That probably reflects a deep rooted societal belief that women perpetrated violence against men does not or can not… Read more »
Hide your wife and hide your kids is from an internet viral video of some wacky person interviewed on tv about an intruder. Get a grip..,
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*claps loudly*
A culture that promotes violence will be violent.
Thanks TammyJo