Mark Greene offers helpful tips for avoiding those awkward conversational faux pas with your local SAHD.
Lately Stay at Home Dads have been showing up on TV and at the movies. (Usually, as well-meaning simpletons who commiserate about dropping their kids in the toilet by accident.) This can only mean one thing. If Hollywood has noticed SAHDs, they must everywhere. Believe it or not, you may run into one yourself soon. And you don’t want to confront that particular produce-aisle repartee unprepared.
So we’ve put together a helpful list of conversational no-nos, should you suddenly find yourself talking with a real-live baby wearing SAHD. And one final note before we get started: always try to keep top of mind that the baby hasn’t actually been dropped in the toilet.
1. Don’t say the words “Mr.” and “Mom.” In that order. Not at all. Ever.
- Men who do full time parenting are called Dads, ’cause that’s what they are.
2. Do not say, “Oh, no! Did you get laid off?” when you find out that a guy is a Stay at Home Dad.
-Do ask him the story of how he became an at-home dad.
3. Do not ask if he’s “getting any” from the Moms at the PTA.
-He’s not. I don’t really have to go into why, right?
4. Do not say something like, “Dude, you must be extra pussy-whipped.”
-Stay at Home Dads are the new Gloria Steinems. You’re likely to get a lecture on gender issues.
5. Do not say, “I’m gonna take you out tonight and get you totally hammered.”
-Not gonna happen. Kids are 6AM hangover amplifiers. Think Spinal Tap and “turn it up to eleven.”
6. Do not say, “Dude, sucks to be you.”
-It doesn’t suck to be him. He’s having an eye opening, amazing, life affirming time.
(Most of the time.)
7. Do not say, “God, I wish I had a easy job like that.”
-It’s about a lot of wonderful things, but it ain’t about easy.
8. Do not ask, “Do you actually change dirty diapers?”
- What do you think, there’s a f**king diaper fairy?
9. Do not say, “I have to call so-and-so RIGHT NOW and tell them what happened to you.”
- Being a stay at home dad is a choice, not a meteor strike.
10. Do not ask, “Are you okay?”
-Instead, ask yourself “why the hell would I think he’s not okay?”
11. Do not say, “Wow, so you’re baby sitting every day?”
- Its called raising children, regardless of whether you’re a man or a women. Babysitters are people who watch your kids for a few hours, eat all your microwave popcorn, and then go home. Dads are parents.
12. In another generation or so, dump the “at-home” or “stay-at-home” thing, too.
- Dads can, in fact, be found in the home and with their children. Shocking, I know.
Do say, “Man, I would so love to be doing that.”
- It makes everybody smile.
Click here to read more of Mark Greene’s GMP Articles
Also read The Day I Acted Like a Sexist Jerk to a Stay-at-Home Dad by Heather Davey Fusco
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About Mark Greene
I love the list and I’ve heard every one of them. I dislike the smirk and gestures that usually come with the questions even more.
Imagine the comments that never find their way to the vocal cords!
I think it’s cool. Lots of men would never consider it. I know from personal experience.
What about the case of Jerry Mahoney: Mommy Man, Adventures Of The Gay Super Dad?
Can I still refer to him as Mommy Man? Or would this be a breach of SAHD reference etiquette?
Oh, honey, lord no! I wouldn’t think of messing with Mommy Man. Self assigned gender bending is just fine…
Great list. I’ve always hated the “babysitting” term. If they’re your kids it’s not babysitting. And “Mr. Mom” makes me want to scream. Men are perfectly capable of cooking, cleaning, buying groceries, cleaning scrapes, wiping tears, helping with homework, changing diapers, and just about everything that doesn’t require breasts. I was lucky enough to stay home with my twins for the first year and then later to work from home for a few years as a single dad. I applaud anyone that’s able to make it work.
Mark, I admire you and what you and so many SAHDs and SAHMs are doing…. I see extraordinary parent-child connections being made that way. Beautiful!
Thanks, Kyle. The SAHDs and SAHMs are doing their best and its pretty darn good. Give my best to the folks in the hood!
Agreed on all points, and number one is firmly where it belongs… at number one.
SAHMs hate #6 and 7 as much as SAHDs do. I went back to work when my son was 3 and it like a vacation.
You know in the wake of Fifty Shades of Grey that there will be a book about #3.
Heheh.
I don’t have kids of my own. But I used to baby-sit regularly for my in-laws when their kids were small.
But every time I uttered the words that I was gonna baby-sit one evening, there was the token Feminist in the crowd who took it upon her(usually!)self to lecture me about not calling it “baby-sitting”, cause she assumed it was my own kids…
Amen.
Mark, can you help me turn my blog about being a SAHD into a movie?
Sorry Phil,
I can’t even turn my blog about being a SAHD into a movie. LOL!
Well as a social experiment, my blog is philslaght.wordpress.com
Maybe if I get enough views I can get someone to advertise on my blog…reaching all 30 of my family and friends who follow my craziness has to be enticing to big retailers.
Thank you sir, for saying what so many of us have wanted to, but didn’t have the words for.
Well said sir, great post! Gender equality does seem to be taking a long time to extend to the concept men being able & dedicated parents