How much of what men spend their lives chasing is truly their heart’s desire, and how much is just a hunger for the trappings of success?
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We all know what men want, don’t we?
It’s what they talk about, over beers with they boys. It’s what they dream about, drool over. It’s what makes Super Bowl ads and halftime shows a bigger hit than the actual game.
Fast cars and women, just two examples of “the trappings of success.”
Yes, those are trappings.
Traps we all fall into, not the trap of men who want them, but the trap of believing that men do.
In Just Blow It Up: Firepower for Living an Unlimited Life, I present four questions that I call “blasting caps.” Four challenges that are designed to help you go from a belief of “can’t” to an understanding of how you can too.
The first question I propose that you answer, when what you want seems impossibly out of reach, is, “Do I really want it?”
Which seems counter-productive when the whole point is to find a way to do what you want to do, and have what you want to have.
… they aren’t being themselves. They’ve fallen into the trap of pursing the “trappings of success” and will never fulfill their deepest desires.
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But it’s not uncommon, once people honestly examine their goals and desires, for them to discover that they have been working hard for something that they don’t really care that much about.
Because all too often we’re working for, dreaming of, and becoming bitter failures over something that we were taught to want, not something that our hearts desire.
We want what we’re supposed to want, we want what we think we can achieve, we want what we believe will make us respected, envied, desirable, happy.
Which is just one reason, of many, I made this statement to close out the article “Why #NotAllMen is Irrelevant.”
… the cultural norm of the alpha male, the superior male, the entitled male – that culture no more allows men the freedom to fully express themselves and embrace their lives than it allows women to do the same.
So long as what men think that what they really want is to live up to the expectation of the alpha male, superior male, the entitled male, in a word the successful male, they cannot be the authentic male they were born to be.
So long as they buy into their culture’s expectation of success, whether that be sexual prowess, material wealth, social and career status, or the behavior and achievements of their offspring, they aren’t being themselves. They’ve fallen into the trap of pursing the “trappings of success” and will never fulfill their deepest desires.
How do I know?
Because success requires energy. And you don’t reach the place you want to go by putting all of your energy into going somewhere else. Neither will you have the energy to get there if your heart’s not really in it.
Energy comes from true desire. That wellspring of fire that gets us out of bed, into the office or the field or the coffee shop with laptop in hand. Desire is what gives us the energy to do what we dread, what we fear, and what we just plain dislike doing.
So if we wonder why so few men hit the pinnacle of success as our culture understands it, perhaps we should consider whether or not our understanding of what men want is flawed.
Most men (okay, it’s true “not all men”) have desires that run far deeper than the images and idols they’re portrayed as craving.
They want what any of us want; to matter, to make a difference, to strive for something real, and to be compensated and appreciated in a manner in keeping with their achievements.
But so long as we persist in our generalizations, our expectations, our labels, and our hashtags, many men will never dig deep enough within themselves to discover what they really want – and go for it!
Photo:Flickr/paulStarpics
I think men know what they want but not know that they already know. That is kind of confusing lol but check out the article at http://what-men-secretly-want.com it will make much more sense than if I try to explain it. Just my own personal opinion!
We’re never sure if you want the thing, or if you just want to have it so you can pretend you want it; to be part of some elusive club, of people who know what they want.
I want a woman who’s confident and comfortable.
In her clothes, and out of them.