They’re simple, but they’re game-changers.
There’s no such thing as a fairytale relationship, and perfection isn’t what couples should strive for. However, there is such a thing as a healthy and happy relationship that can look similar to a Disney movie. And if you want that fairytale ending, you and your partner are going to need to work for it.
Relationships don’t come easy. You will have your ups and downs, and both of you will have to work together to get to those ups and learn how to manage those downs. Maybe you’re in a relationship where you two bicker like an old married couple. Another day, another fight about the stupid dirty dishes. Ugh, how hard is it for him to take his towel off the floor?!
You know you’ve seen those couples that seem like they never fight. Even though they annoy the poop out of you, you wonder how do they do it?! What is their secret to success? Well, I’ve got news for you. There isn’t one answer and there’s no mystery behind their non-arguing magic. They simply work at it.
Below are secrets of couples that don’t fight that often.
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They Pick And Choose Their Battles
Healthy and happy couples are healthy and happy because they know when to fight. They don’t walk around constantly armed and ready. They don’t have their guns drawn, until need be. They aren’t the couples arguing over the small little things. They speak up when it’s important. And, their relationship is much better because of this.
They Know The Power Of Their Words
After being in a relationship for a while with a person, you know what will get under their skin. Couples that fight a lot usually say that one thing that they know will set off their partner. Well, couples that don’t fight that often are careful with their words. They aren’t bringing up those feisty comments about his or her mom or saying those backhanded compliments. So, be wise and use your words wisely.
They Don’t Push Buttons
Buttons are only meant to be on shirts, not to be pushed in a relationship. You know when you are pushing your partner’s buttons. When you’re doing this, you’re trying to get a reaction out of your partner. So instead of pushing, you should look inward to see what’s happening within you. Are you upset about something and need to bring up a bigger issue? Are you feeling unsatisfied in the relationship or unfulfilled?
They Learn From Their Fights
Every couple has their fights. The couples that don’t fight often learn from these fights though. They make a point to understand what led to the argument and how it was resolved. They take this new knowledge and use it to better their relationship. You want to learn from your mistakes — not recreate them again and again.
They Are Not Passive Aggressive
Passive aggressiveness need not apply here. In order to maintain a healthy relationship, couples need to talk things out. Acting out passive aggressively is quite the opposite. Being passive aggressive only gets you so far — far away from each other.
They Don’t Sweep Things Under the Rug
There is no sweeping action going on between couples that don’t argue that much. Instead, they don’t even have a rug. They have wood floors that show every spec of dirt. They clean that dirt up right away, instead of hiding it. If you sweep things under the rug, it only makes for an extremely dirty foundation that will be hard to clean up. Put away that sweeper and clean up the mess when it happens.
They Apologize
This isn’t a “Sorry, not sorry” moment. It’s crucial after a fight occurs that each partner owns up to his or her actions. Sometimes all you need is a good old-fashioned apology. Once the “sorries” occur, both of you can move on without any resentment. One Republic was for sure wrong — it’s never too late to apologize.
Each Partner Feels Fulfilled
When couples are fighting nonstop and the arguments seem to be never-ending, it usually means there is something larger occurring. It could be that either you or your partner (or both) could be feeling unfulfilled. If you are not feeling satisfied within your relationship, it will tend to come out in another way — fighting. Take note of your arguments and look if there is a bigger picture at hand.
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Originally appeared at Bustle.com
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Photo: 371875894
For 22 years of marriage I don’t ever recall my wife and I ever having a fight. Then all of a sudden she started to distance herself and within a year we separated. Still no fights. Just she wanted something better than what we had so whereas I’d always thought we had an ideal marriage, she had other ideas. She told me afterwards there were many times she bit her tongue instead of blowing up….maybe a fight or two along the way might have been a healthier option for us?
Ugh, not a lot of validity to this article. It focuses too much on the other person. You came close in the last topic about couples not feeling fulfilled. But then you ruined it by saying that couples may not be feel satisfied within the relationship. The focus should be on oneself. If you are not happy about yourself, then you will not be happy within your relationship. Most people fight because they are not happy or satisfied about who they are. Couples that don’t fight often and have a strong healthy relationship are people that feel, for the most… Read more »
Good Luck finding an american woman that isn’t the winner especially at being heavily passive aggressive but always justified in doing so because from their seats of perfection every man is found wanting.
to my experience me and my x fought like cats and dog. How can you keep your mouth shut when you find your partner bringing a woman in your own house and fuck the girl I’m my own house and make a second video of it and post it online. My x is wild as an animal, he doesn’t care about me hurting and our two kids. His addicting to gambling also he will to all the woman he want to sleep with. He will brought to all the women or men that he has a business and the worst… Read more »
Your x sounds like being a narcissist and my x girlfriend had simular, if not the same attitude. Now that is not good or bad, but you might have a much better life, when understanding his emotional status better and especially, what keeps you going on in this relationship. Like, why you’r even so tolerant and allowing all these things to happen. Why do you think they are happening? Not only are you unhappy, but your son obviously can’t handle the situation anymore, if he’s not . You need advice from people, who know your own and your husbands pain.… Read more »
seems to me that mostly what you’re talking about here is people’s ability to channel their inner adult and now allow there inner child or their inner parent dominate the relationship. The book “I’m ok, You’re ok” is all about transactional analysis and “games people play” is more indepth look at how the adult/child/parent play out in different ways. People who can summon their adult and be aware of their child/parent are able to approach things wth balance and perspective. All the ways you show here are excellent examples of what an adult who acts like an adult looks like.… Read more »
Passive aggressive need not apply? What I don’t like is when people argued too aggressively to the point where nothing is solved, the name of the game is to win at all costs, and people end up hating each other for years or their marriage ends long before the 7 year itch. I was watching the movie The Year of the Dragon where Stanley White and Tracy Tzu were at each other throat. With such ferocity from the both of them, you wonder how their relationship would survive if they got married? Regarding apologies, it doesn’t mean a thing, if… Read more »