The Poly Closet

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  1. It is truly saddening to hear that there are still ‘loves that dare not speak their names,’ in our society. (Yeah I modified the quote). Anyway…thank you so much for sharing your story. I really hope that one day soon we will stop shaming people for who they love, and instead celebrate it.

  2. Honesty and acception should really be the only aspects of your relationships that others see. That is all that should really matter! There should be no judgement of your relationship choices… in a perfect world. I respect that you chose honesty over infidelity. It goes to show how truly versatile human emotions can be.

    I’m happy for you and your girlfriends.

  3. wellokaythen says:

    I hadn’t even thought about how that question was worded, “have you tried and failed at a poly relationship?” We would never ask for submissions for people about “have you tried and failed at a monogamous relationship?”

    You raise a very crucial question about loving relationships. People can have multiples of all other kinds of personal relationships: more than one parent, sibling, child, friend, coworker, acquaintance, teammate, business partner, etc. So, what is it about a sexual or romantic partnership that makes that different from all these other relationships where there’s more than one person?

    If the answer is jealousy, that you can’t have more than one lover because jealousy always fouls it up, then why is jealousy acceptable in that relationship but not in all the others? (If you’re jealous that your friend spends too much time with another friend and not enough with you, we say you have a problem with jealousy. So, why not with sexual partners?)

  4. I fail to understand how someone can post what I would consider an offensive, abusive and very disrespectful comment, then finish it by telling the person the comment was directed at to be respectable.

  5. In other news, it is very hard to be open with others, especially family, about poly relationships. I made the decision to ‘come out’ to my parents prior to my wedding to my husband (primary), as we didn’t want any drama’s caused by my christian mother or conservative father finding out that weekend. The result being that one of my sisters chose not to attend. It hurts, knowing that some people can’t be happy when you’ve found who you are, simply because it doesn’t fit with their narrow view of the world.

    I’m so glad you have found relationships that work for you and for the others involved.

  6. Wow!

  7. wellokaythen says:

    I think there are relationships out there that are “de facto” polyamorous relationships but the people involved would not use that term. They might call them open relationships or say “we can still see other people” or say they’re casually dating more than one person. I can’t imagine your family would disown you for being in one of those relationships.

    Maybe those aren’t exactly the same thing as a committed, long-term poly relationship, but there is a big variety out there already. Sometimes it’s staying in the closet or being in denial, but sometimes it’s just some sort of semantic preference.

    It reminds me of the men on the down low who have sex with other men but are adamant that they are not gay. They don’t like the word, but it seems to apply in some sense.

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