Men’s Health Has Really Awful Sex Advice

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About Noah Brand

Noah Brand is an Editor-at-Large at Good Men Project, and possibly also a cartoon character from the 1930s. His life, when it is written, will read better than it lived. He is usually found in Portland, Oregon, directly underneath a very nice hat.

Comments

  1. Cannot. Stop. Laughing.

    Love your work Noah.

  2. LOL! My boyfriend bought me a vibrator when he found out I didn’t have one. Some girls get diamonds… I got something a lot more useful. I’m a lucky girl!

  3. This seems to explain the missionary thing better than I could.

    http://www.answerbag.com/q_view/2302286

    For what it’s worth, I’ve enjoyed it and some women seem to like it.

  4. I mean, who thinks that a woman’s vibrator and her boyfriend are doing the same job, and thus in competition with each other? I mean, yes, both involve orgasms, but nobody talks about a woman being in competition with a guy’s own hand.
    IDK, but I think there’s quite a lot of guys out there who are insecure about their own “performance”, esp. if their girlfriends more or less frequently use vibrators to get off.
    I know that a badly worded and written Men’s health’ article won’t do them any good. But I don’t think that outright dismissing their angst for a couple of laughs will do that either.

    And yeah, nobody talks about a woman being in competition with a guy’s own hand. But that’s for a host of other reasons as I guess that we all know.

  5. Joanna Schroeder says:

    Hahahahaha. Uncomfortably long hug from a Manta Ray. Everyone wants a loving hug from a Manta Ray.

  6. Gint Aras says:

    There’s a G-Spot on my remote control, right in the middle.

  7. Noah, I’m sorry but I m going to make you slightly more unhappy because I won’t let you get away with this claim:

    nobody talks about a woman being in competition with a guy’s own hand. (If anyone does talk about that, please don’t tell me. I’m happier not knowing.)

    This explanation for why married men shouldn’t masturbate occasionally comes up:

    My wife has told me that for me to masturbate makes her feel cheated on.

    Examples can be seen here:
    http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200906/okay-so-he-enjoys-masturbating
    http://www.details.com/sex-relationships/marriage-and-kids/200809/jerking-off-is-the-new-infidelity

    And then we have this whole article series problematizing married men’s masturbation:
    http://www.iamhusband.com/search/label/Masturbation%20In%20Marriage

    she expressed that she was still very uncomfortable with me engaging in it, as it made her feel less desirable and more like I wasn’t satisfied with her.

    • A past boyfriend of mine used to tell me that masturbating with his left hand (he was right handed) made it feel like someone else was doing it. I would agree that doing it left handed is much closer to cheating than doing it right handed – given you are right handed of course.

      • That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. Fantasizing that someone else is jerking you off is a perfectly valid way to masturbate, and has nothing to do with cheating. Masturbating is a perfectly normal part of life.

      • I would agree that doing it left handed is much closer to cheating than doing it right handed – given you are right handed of course.

        Which just proves my point to Noah that it’s not really true that nobody talks about women being in competition with a guy’s own hand.

        So, Elissa, I guess that The Stranger would be the epitome of cheating then?

        I am not sure who you are agreeing with Elissa when you said you agree that left-handed masturbation is closer to cheating, but I just want to make it absolutely clear that I in no way support the idea that masturbation is a form of cheating and that you and I in fact disagree on that point.

        • I agree with you Tamen – my comment was designed with silly for effect.

          For clarity:
          Masturbation is not cheating even when done left handed by a right handed
          Some (maybe a lot) of women are in competition with the hand/ porn date

    • a simple google search will provide tons of articles & comments of women who feel cheated on when their man masturbates. it is perfectly reasonable for a man to feel the same way if his woman is using a vibrator.

  8. This is hilarious. I’m still giggling. I love it. Thank you for sharing!!

  9. I used to subscribe to ‘Mens Health’ and while I enjoyed their proper diet and excercise tips, when it comes to sex and dating they seem to be the mirror image of ‘Cosmo’. They both seem to feed on various insecurities that curse both men and women. Being much older than the average reader and out ‘of the game’ for a LONG time, I couldn’t help but wonder,”Has the world changed that much since then?” I feel for any young male who takes their ‘advice’ seriously. It’s really funny when you realise that many of these ‘advice’ articles are actually penned by Women!

  10. Why did you use the caricature of the stained glass Jesus as an illustration for this?

  11. In case any one was wondering; yes, the G-spot exists, yes you won’t BELIEVE how it feels and yes, not that many men seem to be able to find it/stimulate it properly. I implore you Good People! Make a studied, adventurous effort to incorporate it into your sex lives. SERIOUSLY.

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