What a Taoist Sage Can Teach Us About Finding Love

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About Mark D White

Mark D. White is a professor in the Department of Political Science, Economics, and Philosophy at the College of Staten Island/CUNY, where he teaches courses in economics, philosophy, and law. He has written and edited a number of scholarly and popular books, and blogs at Psychology Today, Economics and Ethics, and The Comics Professor.

Comments

  1. I’m enjoying all your posts! I agree about types and about online dating. Online dating hasn’t worked for me at all so I disabled/deleted my profiles and subscriptions. I was receiving an increasing number of lewd and canned messages. When I did sort of make a connection online it was usually (not always) up to me to make an in-person meeting happen. I felt like I ended up doing all the work and not getting much sense of who the guy really was in the process. I did finally make a connection and meet a guy I really sparked with. I was just fascinated by him despite him not necessarily being “my usual type.” I felt so comfortable around him and we had the best dates. He seemed to be really into me too, but when I brought up the issue of exclusivity (which was very nerve-wracking to do) he seemed offended and freaked out that I would want that “so soon”. He did not want to cease exploring his other options even after we became physical. I told him I could not see him anymore under those conditions; he became defensive and accustory. It was extremely disappointing and I still think about him daily. Regarding types: He never went to college and is 5’6″. I’m in a Master’s program and am 5’9″. I don’t share his main hobby (cycling), which I think bothered him, but I would have supported him from the sidelines. I think he was worried that he didn’t share some of my hobbies (dancing, cooking) but I didn’t mind – I don’t want my mate to be a carbon copy of me, and I need something to do when he’s out doing his thing!

  2. I enjoyed reading your article; however, I do not agree with the “ditch the online dating” part. I must admit, I am completely biased, because I met the man I’m going to marry soon online. I’m not sure that I saw his profile and thought anything about his interests or my “type” though. His profile was fine enough, but it was when we started talking through email, on the phone, and finally met in person that I knew I had met my other half. We were both happy, successful people who had so much fun together, and that’s what bonded us. Looking back, I can’t remember a single interest that he had listed on his profile, and when we started talking about our likes/dislikes, we just laughed about the things we liked that were viewed as “wrong” to the other. Bottom line is, online dating actually expanded the pool of men I would have ever met in real life, because my partner lived 300 miles away at the time, and he works in a completely different field than I do–chances are slim to none that we would have ever crossed paths. I’m not saying online dating will work for everyone, but I think according to wei wu wei, it might be something to open yourself up to as another location where you could potentially find love (in addition to all the “in person” locales). After all, in 20 years, will you care how you met, or that you met at all?

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