This 1 Thing Will Improve Your Relationship, Guaranteed!

I started my Medium journey about 5 years ago, I was looking for resources on how to save my failing marriage.

In those 5 years I have had the honor of reading countless articles on how to build a better relationship, how to rebuild intimacy, how to deal with different attachment styles, and the list goes on.

I will be the first to say that having access to all of these different points of view has been the catalyst for my own growth and has challenged every aspect of what I believed I knew about relationships.

I will also admit that as I have gone thru my journey of growth, venturing out of the shallow end of intimacy into the depths that I have written articles highlighting a single issue that was important to me in the moment.

But my brain likes patters, it likes to look for bigger pictures, to figure out how all of the pieces fit together.

So as I was looking thru my morning Medium digest of articles focused on single issues “Are Avoidant Attachment Styles More Likely to Cheat?” for example I stepped back and started looking at the bigger picture.

What became clear is that all of these articles are great, they are like pieces of a puzzle that has a trillion different possible right combinations.

What if instead of looking at individual articles that may or may not relate to a specific issue you are feeling we look at the breadth of knowledge about relationships as a whole as one single resource.

While writing this I went to Medium and searched to see if I could find that article on Avoidants being more likley to cheat and funny enough the two search results that come up:

Both come up in the search. Both articles written by someone who has their own experience around this issue. Both have great insight into relationship dynamics.

And yet, neither of them may be an exact fit for you in your current situation, they are simply a chapter in your book.

This one thing will fix your relationship!

OK so that is a little misleading, because I’m not here to tell you that learning your partners love language, understanding their type of intimacy, healing attachment wounds, or any other single thing is going to heal make your relationship better.

I’m here to tell you that every one of those things will contribute to building a better, safer, more closely attached intimacy in your relationship.

Every single thing that you learn about relationship dynamics, every time you choose to show up differently in an argument, every time you choose to grow and evolve from what isn’t working, is the thing that will change your relationship for the better.

So the big secret: The one thing that will make your relationship improve is by both partners adopting a mindset of growth.

Its that simple!

When something doesn’t feel right, grow!

When you feel triggered by your partner, get curious and grow!

When your feelings for your partner are fading, get curious and grow!

When you feel like you need to run away, get curious and grow!

When you feel like the emotional affair you are having is so much better than your current relationship, get curious and grow!

When you feel anxious because your partner doesn’t return your calls quickly enough, get curious and grow!

If there is one thing that will ever make a difference in your relationship it is that you have to get curious about everything! You have to choose to lean in, to shine the light where darkness lives, to tackle the uncomfortable!

This is about you shining the light into the darkness and seeing where you can grow as well as being the loving mirror to your partner to help them see their blind spots.

Every article in Medium is leading you in one direction!

If you want your relationship to improve: YOU HAVE TO GROW!

What will you do today to grow?

I write about love and relationships using my own journey to help others. If you are feeling lost reach out, there is always a path and sometimes you just need someone to hold the light for you! You can find me here as well.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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