When “Being Mean” Isn’t “Meaning”

You know those absolutely random conversations with your child that suddenly send your brain on a wild philosophical detour? I had one of those recently. He sat next to me watching a show on TV, and with a furrowed brow, said the (fictional) character was “meaning.” And he said it with the kind of exasperation that made me listen. “He’s mean to her,” he said.

And then he hit me with the clincher. “It should be called ‘meaning,’ like run and running.”

My brain, where profound thoughts often go to die, got stuck on that. My son had, in a single moment, diagnosed a fascinating linguistic paradox. To a child, “run” is a verb, and “running” is its action. Simple. Logical. So “mean” (as in being bad) should have a direct action, a “meaning.” The fact that it doesn’t? A bug in the system. A “brain not braining” kind of problem.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized it’s a brilliant, unscripted metaphor for human connection. My brain, the aspiring novelist, went down a quiet rabbit hole. We spend so much energy on the “mean” — crafting the perfect email, choosing the exact right words, ensuring our tone is just so. We think if we get the “mean” (the intent) right, the “meaning” will follow.

But the real magic (and sometimes the chaos) of communication is that “meaning” is often born in the gaps between the words.

This whole “mean” vs. “meaning” conundrum took on a hilarious new layer the other day, a very India-centric experience. I was trying to book an Uber, a delicate dance of negotiation that’s practically a local sport, when the driver accepted the ride, only to start negotiating for a higher price on the in-app chat. He was being decidedly “mean” with his fare.

My son wasn’t there physically, but his voice echoed in my head, “Mom, is he… meaning?”

I almost burst out laughing right there on the street. In my mind, the driver’s inflated price wasn’t just unfair; it was the action of being mean. He wasn’t just meaning to overcharge; he was meaning it in the purest, most grammatically incorrect sense. I continued the negotiation (we did eventually settle on a less “meaning” price), but for the rest of the day, every slightly annoying thing that happened was met with my son’s innocent query replaying in my head: “Were they meaning, Mom?”

The conversation with my son that day wasn’t just a language lesson. It was a perfect little reminder that while we can control what we “mean,” we can’t always dictate the “meaning.” And a whole lot of peace (and amusement) can be found in simply accepting that beautiful paradox.

~Ashmita, still navigating life’s adventures, and learning that the best connections often have a little grammatical error.

#ParentingHumor #ChildhoodLogic #LanguageGames #UnscriptedConnections #ChennaiLife #Communication #Mindfulness #AshmitaWrites #WhatKidsTeachUs #PerspectiveShift #DaryenTeaches

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This post was previously published on medium.com.