First Dates, Simplified

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Meeting new people can often be an anxiety-evoking experience. Meeting someone in the context of a first date, however, can be downright terrifying. But it doesn’t have to be.

Much of the pressures felt by first date participants are rooted in fear around what is expected from them as well as what they need to deduce from the other person. With all of the screening, scrutinizing, and showmanship that goes on, it’s no wonder people get worked into a tizzy right before the big night. By tempering your expectations and showing yourself a bit of grace and compassion, first dates can go from feeling like midterms to actually being quite fun.

Your only job when you embark on a first date is to figure out, by the end of the experience, whether you want to go on second date or not. No need to imagine what your kids will look like, how you’ll divvy up household chores, or wonder if you said the wrong thing in that one moment. This will not only take the pressure off you to perform your very best, but it will also allow your date a bit of freedom and forgiveness. As stressful as first dates are, everyone deserves some leniency and kindness.

Now that your objective has shrunk to a highly manageable task, take a breath and try to enjoy the date itself. A good date will feel fun and relaxing, and a bad date will serve as a valuable learning experience for both of you. Remember, if you have to change who you are in order to connect with someone, then they are clearly not a great match for you!

There truly is someone for everyone, now get out there and have a little fun. And maybe, if it feels right, ask them out on a second date.

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Have you read the original anthology that was the catalyst for The Good Men Project? Buy here: The Good Men Project: Real Stories from the Front Lines of Modern Manhood