By Beleaf In Fatherhood
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As a kid, my father never let me win anything. It wasn’t until I actually got better at the games we were playing that I beat him, and to me, it was more significant because I knew he hadn’t given me the victory. Now, as I parent my own kids, I’ve tried to instill the same coping lessons, and how to let losses motivate you rather than tear you down. Theo is having an especially hard time with this lesson, and I’m trying to instill in him that for honor, the way we win AND lose means everything. I struggle with whether or not I am being too harsh, or if I’m helping him control his pride. In this episode, watch as we navigate Theo’s desire to win, and my desire to make him strong.
Transcript provided by YouTube:
00:00
that spit came from my nose
00:03
yuck i want to do that again
00:18
hello hello hello look at me i’ve been
00:20
fresh i’ve been walking with my savior
00:22
yes i’m trying to do my best guess i’m
00:23
just a bag of bones trying to shake up
00:25
by the flesh when you see me never
00:27
stress
00:27
when you see me see me
00:29
[Music]
00:39
[Applause]
00:42
joy is contagious with an ayah
00:46
we’ve been tested in our communication
00:49
and
00:49
have been seeking to understand and
00:52
desire
00:53
we have once again encapsulated
00:56
with
00:58
[Applause]
01:03
today i’m going to discover something
01:04
special about my relationship with theo
01:06
he needs more everything each
01:10
of the other children i can clearly
01:11
identify where i need to be doing better
01:14
but with theo it seems that i need to be
01:16
doing better
01:17
in all ways theo was always the one to
01:19
call me out when i wasn’t spending
01:21
enough time or wasn’t playing with him
01:23
enough
01:24
and now that i’m actively making time
01:26
for them there’s this issue with how i’m
01:28
doing it
01:29
i’m not always gonna be able to give him
01:31
what he wants
01:32
and he’s just gonna have to be okay with
01:34
that i
01:35
am a girl and he is
01:46
[Music]
01:49
before we begin our gun fight there’s
01:51
certain rules we have to abide by the
01:52
kids have to clean up so that we don’t
01:54
hurt ourselves and injure ourselves as
01:56
we’re playing and then we gotta figure
01:57
out what the point system is but first i
01:59
want you to see
02:00
how each kid helps clean up theo
02:02
obviously carries his weight three
02:05
one two three why
02:08
[Music]
02:10
i’ve been trying to figure out which
02:11
category our kids fall in did they love
02:13
to win
02:14
or did they hate to lose if i was to
02:16
turn this into a challenge uriah would
02:17
be motivated to pick up as many toys as
02:19
possible he’s hate to lose
02:21
but theo on the other hand i believe is
02:23
love to win watch how he engages his
02:25
sister to be a part of what we’re doing
02:37
but then again i could be wrong she’s
02:40
not going to win
02:43
[Music]
02:45
ryan wait what i got just don’t stop
02:48
shooting
02:55
[Music]
03:02
you white friends saying names seem like
03:04
that last week they seen flying saucers
03:07
i ain’t really got too much to offer my
03:09
perspective i’m selected
03:10
with the method i’m directed with the
03:12
message most couldn’t mess with trying
03:14
to break a record with the people that i
03:16
mess with that’s bawling
03:26
you say i am too busy now i got two more
03:29
kids that’s crazy how you make time
03:45
to kick it just fathers good moms good
03:47
sons
03:48
yeah good daughters good god loved ones
03:52
yeah sometimes they get hard to show it
03:56
if not they will never know
04:00
[Music]
04:06
[Music]
04:13
you ain’t no hold up
04:17
hold up wake you ain’t know it
04:21
everybody say you ain’t no
04:23
[Music]
04:25
hold up wait you need
04:28
[Music]
04:34
[Music]
04:43
i won
04:48
what happened man
04:58
[Music]
05:08
yeah right no
05:12
that’s hit me on the head
05:20
which was my weak spot
05:28
did it hurt yes
05:34
is it right if i film or not
05:46
my dad always
05:51
he wears hits me with my weak spot
05:54
because he hits me at every spot
05:59
at every spot of my body
06:02
and set the face and ryan gets
06:06
himself always and also
06:10
now he says she wants to help but she’s
06:11
not helping he keeps winning
06:13
every time when you play a fight
06:16
and every time sometimes when we play
06:19
our family
06:21
and you want to win why’d you want to
06:23
win today because
06:26
if i won i would know how to beat him
06:28
again
06:30
and again and again again
06:33
it’s always sometimes not fair you want
06:36
to
06:36
know what everything means
06:43
knows what everything means well some
06:46
like
06:49
this guy rafael is just like you’re
06:51
right
06:54
he always gets his feet
06:57
you mentioned any deterrent or you like
07:02
not like any ninja turtle because do you
07:04
feel like the leader
07:06
huh no because
07:10
leo is never insane the way ref
07:14
uh
07:17
mom
07:19
[Music]
07:21
one time she said like kids
07:25
are interested
07:28
i’ve been thinking about that
07:32
i just i can win i just i just
07:35
i just win i just wish i could win
07:39
just be dead i’m gonna fight that’s it
07:42
okay all done
07:47
for the most part what i’ve heard from
07:49
fathers is that you’re not supposed to
07:50
let your sons win
07:52
right like you don’t let them beat you
07:55
in things because when they beat you
07:57
you want them to earn it it gives them
08:00
fight
08:00
it gives them bravery and it’s also a
08:02
rite of passage
08:04
but re-watching this i feel bad i feel
08:06
bad
08:07
for not letting theo win in this game
08:10
that was so important to him
08:11
in this generation of wokeness i feel
08:14
like we should at least be having a
08:15
conversation about the value of teaching
08:17
our kids to be competitive versus
08:19
pacifying them now when theo was two he
08:22
would win
08:23
games all the time but he’s getting a
08:25
little bit older
08:27
and that pride sits a little high in him
08:30
so
08:30
i didn’t know what to do so i had
08:32
someone very special come over to talk
08:34
about this specific
08:36
facet of fatherhood next episode
08:39
meet my dad during this episode we show
08:42
you some very vulnerable moments and i
08:43
don’t think it would be fair if we
08:45
didn’t tell you how we got those moments
08:46
so here’s a snippet from belief in
08:48
creation
08:49
our show on patreon hey what’s up
08:51
everybody my name is george coltrane i
08:53
am the head of production for belief and
08:55
fatherhood when i first started working
08:56
with glenn i i forgot what happened but
08:58
something happened and i stopped filming
09:00
to check on the kids and he was like
09:01
nah you just film right you just film
09:04
like
09:04
just film us them being kids us being
09:06
parents with a parent with them he wants
09:07
to be like don’t touch that don’t do
09:09
that and i’m just like nah just
09:10
just film and let these moments play out
09:12
and you can see again that happens he
09:13
hits his head i stay on theo
09:15
this is really important you know again
09:17
the dad at me wants to check on him but
09:19
i just stay on theo
09:20
glenn comes out hugs him you know has
09:22
this moment um
09:24
and uh and like that is that’s gonna be
09:27
used and i know that’s gonna be used and
09:28
i have no
09:29
i know that well enough to go um when he
09:32
falls at his head i
09:33
track on him really fast it sounds
09:35
heartless but
09:36
you know i track on them i stay there um
09:39
and let the scene play itself out i
09:41
always i kind of a rule of shooting
09:44
um that i always try and tell people
09:45
whenever i try and get
09:47
wide mediums and close-ups so i’m always
09:49
trying to think through that
09:50
do i have a wide establishing shot you
09:53
know whether it’s
09:53
sometimes it might be a drone shot it
09:55
might be you know it might just be
09:57
something that
09:57
places a lot of times in the vlogs we’re
09:59
switching locations from inside to
10:01
outside
10:01
so when that happens do i have a shot
10:04
that glenn
10:04
or i can use in the edit early on that
10:07
establishes
10:08
we’re no longer outside or inside we’re
10:10
no longer in the living room we’re in
10:11
the bathroom there’s a whole moment
10:13
interaction that goes on
10:14
where theo runs off crying um and i
10:17
and i go to the room to talk to him
10:18
about why he’s crying the first thing i
10:20
do when i walk in the room
10:21
is i tell theo hey theo i’m coming in
10:23
with the camera
10:24
is it okay if i film he tells me yes
10:27
it’s okay if i film
10:28
i don’t know if he would have told me
10:29
yes three months ago
10:31
next episode you guys get to uh
10:34
meet my father and i really
10:38
i want to know more about
10:41
how to be a better father but from a
10:44
father you know what i’m saying like how
10:45
to be a good
10:46
father right and i think my dad’s
10:48
perspective
10:49
on um a lot of these thoughts i’m having
10:53
with theo
10:54
me being his oldest and theo being my
10:56
oldest i think i can relate to a lot of
10:57
some of the feelings
10:59
he may have but i’m not sure so i think
11:02
in time we’ll be able to tell theo has a
11:05
very
11:06
he’s very sensitive you know what i’m
11:07
saying and i think i was like that too
11:10
as a kid
11:12
and i think he enjoys having fun but i
11:15
do believe
11:16
theo is more of a love to win
11:19
type of person you know understand like
11:20
he wants to to to have fun he wants to
11:22
do his thing but at the same time he
11:23
wants to win some
11:25
it’s interesting that even after you
11:28
know
11:28
being his father for eight years there’s
11:31
still so much to discover
11:32
about how to be a good father to him in
11:34
particular
11:36
i’m still learning and i will always be
11:38
learning and i will always be
11:40
invested in these lessons because uh
11:44
you know i i must master these subjects
11:46
you know what i’m saying like
11:48
being a parent to each child being a
11:51
husband to my wife
11:53
they are courses that i must you know
11:56
understand to the fullest of my ability
11:58
so um
11:59
i’m interested to know you know in the
12:01
comments section
12:02
uh on the community page on youtube i’m
12:04
interested to know
12:06
how you feel you know are you a love to
12:08
win person
12:09
or you are hate to lose do you have that
12:11
fight like uriah or do you just want to
12:13
win one like theo
12:15
very curious to know what type of people
12:16
we have watching this video but i
12:19
appreciate you guys for watching
12:20
i’m gonna do my best to be a better
12:22
father and you’re definitely going to
12:24
watch that process
12:25
so yeah i’ll see you guys next time
12:27
thank you guys so much for watching
12:29
protect your life keep your network
12:30
popping if you’re fortunate enough to be
12:31
doing life with someone else
12:32
make sure you watch this video with them
12:34
and if they’re not around share with
12:36
them
12:36
see you guys next time peace
12:39
pull out game is atrocious i can’t have
12:42
another kid wouldn’t notice
12:44
every child is born with a little bit of
12:47
light people say me and my kids we don’t
12:49
look alike
12:50
bedtime routine we don’t miss a night
12:53
who knew having a daughter be my
12:56
kryptonite
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Photo credit: Screenshot from video
