What Compliments Do You Want

Finding our way in the world is harder for some than others. Some did not have loving families, or only one parent. Some people are dyslexic or have other learning difficulties. Poverty can hold back a child/teenager as circumstance prohibits some opportunities.

When we become adults we need to accept our past and be ready to carve out our futures. Having a chip on our shoulder is unattractive. For men, chatting with older men that you admire can help with that. But now I want to share some traits that many women find attractive in a man. I am not going to name physical traits as they are subjective, but looking healthy is a big plus.

• Skilled
• Clever with manual things
• Confidence
• The ability to reassure
• Playing a sport
• Low alcohol drinker
• Ability to drive
• Courtesy
• Smiles that reach the eyes
• Good personal hygiene
• Not using swear words
• A good sense of humor
• Relaxed
• Taste in clothes
• Enjoying nature and being aware of the planet crisis
• Goals in life
• Generosity
• Tidiness
• General knowledge
• Interest in others
• Kindness

You will notice that these are in no particular order. That is because we are all unique and value different things above others.

When we are attracted to someone, it is because they display the traits we like. When we date, it’s usually best to take things slowly as we cannot know a person all at once. Of course, there are exceptions to this.

A woman cannot change a man, but if he really loves her, he will change. I don’t mean that men should give up their values, but bad habits like smoking, or becoming punctual are not that hard. Who wants to remember that lovely woman who got away because he refused to give up smoking?

It is important that men have values that can be shared, like Black Lives Matter, and ecological activity. Often it is at events like these that couples meet. They have something in common. A healthy relationship has common interests and maybe one or two that aren’t shared. This gives space for conversation, and proves that need is not that which keeps the couple together. No one can handle a needy person for long.

My list is not exhaustive by any means. Don’t get too picky until you are ready to settle down with one woman. She will change over the years. Men tend to hope their partner will stay the same. However, people grow and discover talents they didn’t know they had. Or she will become friends with someone you don’t really like. These things are almost inevitable.

If the woman you want to settle down with has a couple of guys as friends, don’t show jealousy. Make friends with these guys. They may stay in your lives or move away in due time. Always trust your chosen woman unless there is too much evidence of betrayal. Then talk before you accuse. Show trust until it really hurts because there may be no betrayal at all.

Communication is the key to all relationships. Keep the channels open. Early in your relationship decide how you will argue. This is a little known aid to relationships. It may be that you talk only about the feelings you feel when such and such happens, rather than the accusative ‘You did this…’. It maybe that you decide to never go to bed angry, the rules must be agreed by both of you.

All this applies to homosexual relationships too. I happen to be a woman. So I am representing women. Whatever your love looks like, commit to it and choose to commit to it everyday.

—

This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.

***

You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:

Escape the Act Like a Man Box

What We Talk About When We Talk About Men

Why I Don’t Want to Talk About Race

The First Myth of the Patriarchy: The Acorn on the Pillow

—

Photo credit: Shutterstock