“Gaslighting, at its core, is a form of emotional abuse that slowly eats away at your ability to make judgments. Essentially, a Gaslighter spins their negative, harmful or destructive words and actions in their favor, deflecting the blame for their abusive deeds and pointing the finger at you.” — Project Happiness
I do not mean to pry into other people’s relationships but I believe my friend Jalia is a victim of Joe’s gaslighting. They have been together a total of 8 years, 5 of which they’ve been married which is why I am always there to support her, but do not have the heart to ask her to leave him outright.
That is a decision that can only be made by her.
What is gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse in which the abuser deliberately tries to make their victim question their own sanity or memory.
This can be done through things like denying that something happened that clearly did, or making false claims about the victim’s behavior.
Gaslighting is a very dangerous form of manipulation, as it can cause the victim to doubt themselves and their own experiences.
Early on in their relationship, Joe was always making little snide comments about Jalia’s weight, clothes, and hair.
Jalia is a beautiful woman, but she is not perfect.
Joe would constantly tell her that she should diet and lose weight, wear sexier clothes, and style her hair differently.
Over time, these comments took their toll on Jalia’s self-esteem.
She began to doubt her own appearance and believe that she was not good enough for Joe.
Joe would also often gaslight Jalia about things that happened between them.
He would deny ever saying something that he clearly said, or he would claim Jalia was overreacting to a situation when she was not.
This created a lot of tension and conflict in their relationship, as Jalia was always second-guessing herself and wondering if she was actually going crazy.
Eventually, Jalia started to believe that she was indeed going crazy and Joe was the only one who could help her.
She became very dependent on him and isolated herself from her friends and family.
This made it easier for Joe to control her and keep her under his thumb.
If you are in a relationship with someone who is gaslighting you, it is important to remember that you are not crazy and you are not alone. There are people who can support you and help you through this difficult time.
Here are 7 signs that your partner is gaslighting you:
1. Gaslighters constantly deny things that you know happened
If you find yourself in a relationship with someone who constantly denies things that you know happened, it’s important to understand that you are dealing with a gaslighter.
Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse in which the abuser deliberately tries to make their victim question their own memory and perception of events. This can be done by outright denial, telling half-truths, or providing false information.
Gaslighting can be extremely confusing and psychologically damaging, but it is important to remember that you are not imagining things. If you feel like you are being gaslighted, trust your gut and reach out for help from a trusted friend or family member.
You deserve to be in a healthy, supportive relationship.
2. Gaslighters make false accusations about your behavior
Another common tactic of gaslighters is to make false accusations about your behavior.
This can be done in an attempt to make you doubt yourself or to convince you that you are actually the one at fault. Gaslighters may accuse you of things like being too sensitive, overreacting, or imagining things.
They may also try to convince you that you are forgetful, crazy, or unstable.
These false accusations can be extremely hurtful and confusing, but it is important to remember that they are not true. You know yourself better than anyone else, and you deserve to be treated with respect.
3. Gaslighters try to control your behavior
Gaslighters often try to control their victim’s behavior in order to keep them under their thumb. They may try to control what you wear, who you talk to, where you go, and what you do.
Gaslighters may also try to isolation you from your friends and family in order to make you more dependent on them.
If you feel like you are being controlled or isolated in your relationship, it is important to reach out for help from a trusted friend or family member. You deserve to be in a healthy, supportive relationship.
For Joe and Jalia, things got so bad that Joe was constantly putting Jalia down, making her feel bad about herself, and controlling her behavior. This is not a healthy or supportive way to treat someone you love.
If you are in a relationship with someone who is gaslighting you, it is important to reach out for help from a trusted friend or family member.
You deserve to be in a healthy, supportive relationship.
4. Gaslighters make you feel like you’re going crazy
One of the most damaging effects of gaslighting is that it can make you feel like you’re going crazy.
Gaslighters often deny things that you know happened, make false accusations about your behavior, and try to control your behavior. This can leave you feeling confused, frustrated, and isolated.
It is important to remember that you are not actually going crazy.
Jalia felt like she was going crazy because Joe would constantly deny things that she knew happened, make false accusations about her behavior, and try to control her behavior.
This is not a healthy or supportive way to treat someone you love.
5. Gaslighters make you feel guilty or ashamed
Another common tactic of gaslighters is to make their victim feel guilty or ashamed. Gaslighters may do this by telling their victim that they are overreacting, imagining things, or being too sensitive.
They may also try to convince their victim that they are at fault for the problems in the relationship. This can leave you feeling confused, frustrated, and isolated. It is important to remember that you are not actually guilty or ashamed.
Joe always made Jalia feel guilty or ashamed by telling her that she was overreacting, imagining things, or being too sensitive. He also tried to convince her that she was at fault for the problems in their relationship. This is not a healthy or supportive way to treat someone you love.
If you are in a relationship with someone who is gaslighting you, leave or find help and support.
6. Gaslighters make you doubt yourself
One of the most common effects of gaslighting is that it makes the victim doubt themselves.
The gaslighter will often try to convince their victim that they are crazy, forgetful, or unstable. This can leave the victim feeling confused, anxious, and insecure. It is important to remember that you are not actually crazy, forgetful, or unstable.
Jalia often doubted herself because Joe would try to convince her that she was crazy, forgetful, or unstable. This is not a healthy or supportive way to treat someone you love.
7. Gaslighters make you feel like you’re walking on eggshells
Another common effect of gaslighting is that it makes the victim feel like they are walking on eggshells. The gaslighter will often make demands or threats, and the victim feels like they have to tiptoe around them to avoid making them angry. This can leave the victim feeling scared, controlled, and isolated.
It is important to remember that you do not have to walk on eggshells.
Jalia felt like she was walking on eggshells because Joe would often make demands or threats. She felt like she had to tiptoe around him to avoid making him angry.
8. Gaslighters try to control your behavior with manipulation and fear tactics
Another common tactic of gaslighters is to try to control their victim’s behavior. They may do this by telling their victim what to do, how to dress, who to talk to, or where to go. They may also try to convince their victim that they are not capable of taking care of themselves.
Jalia felt scared and controlled because Joe would often try to control her behavior. He would tell her what to do, how to dress, who to talk to, or where to go. He also tried to convince her that she was not capable of taking care of herself.
9. Gaslighters twist your words and use them against you
One common tactic of gaslighters is to twist their victim’s words and use them against them.
For example, if you tell your partner that you’re feeling stressed out, they might say that you’re being overdramatic.
If you express a need for more affection, they might accuse you of being clingy.
This can leave you feeling invalidated. It is important to remember that your feelings are valid.
Jalia often felt confused, frustrated, and invalidated because Joe would twist her words and use them against her. For example, if she told him she was feeling stressed out, he would say that she was being overdramatic. If she expressed a need for more affection, he would accuse her of being clingy.
10. Gaslighters make you doubt your gut instincts
One of the most insidious effects of gaslighting is that it can make you doubt your own gut instincts.
Gaslighters will often convince their victims that their perceptions are wrong, and that the gaslighter is actually the one who knows what’s best.
It is important to remember that you know yourself best.
Jalia often felt confused and uncertain because Joe would make her doubt her own gut instincts. He would convince her that her perceptions were wrong, and that he was actually the one who knew what’s best.
11. Gaslighters isolate you and make you question your own memory and sanity
A common tactic of gaslighters is to make their victims question their own memory and sanity. They may do this by denying that certain events ever took place, or by telling their victim that they are “imagining things.”
Another common tactic of gaslighters is to isolate their victims from their friends and family. They may do this by convincing their victim that nobody else will understand them, or by making them feel like they are a burden to others.
For example , Jalia often felt lonely and isolated because Joe would convince her that nobody else would understand her. He would make her feel like she was a burden to others.
Final Thoughts
Everyone deserves someone who loves them for who they are. Choose not to be in relationships with gaslighters.
Your Thoughts
- Are these signs indicative of what is happening in your relationships?
- Do you know any victims of gaslighting?
Let me know in the comments section.
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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
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