Show Some Love

It rained for four straight days. In the COVID-19 pandemic aftermath, aside from staying dry, the rain had virtually no impact. I worked from home on my laptop, in Zoom meetings. Although, I couldn’t feed my little squirrel friend Rocky his walnut snacks for four days. That had a profound impact upon Rocky. Just saying.

Finally, the rain stopped. I waited for most of the rain to dry up and headed to the park. I saw Rocky standing tall on his hind legs with his bright yellow chest. I looked at him and waved. He saw me, then ran over to me. We spent some quiet time together.

The Rock stood all 10″ tall while eating his walnut snacks with his claws. When he was done, he looked at me. He was ready for more snacks. I gave him more walnuts. No, Rocky and I are really not friends. He’s a squirrel. I’m human. Still, I give him kindness. Rocky accepts my kindness. I show Rocky some love. In his own squirrel way, when Rocky looks at me, he shows me some love, too.

In the bigger picture, I show others some love, even when I don’t want to. Even when I don’t think they deserve it. When I was a little boy, Dad scared me to my soul. Whatever I did or didn’t do only made him so angry at me. Clearly, I wasn’t the son he wanted. Dad didn’t show me some love. Consequently, I didn’t show him love, either.

About 30 years ago, I participated in transformational training to work on my relationship with Dad, although unintentionally. I got from Program Leader Jerome Downes that I wanted love from Dad to look a certain way, my way. I got that the world wasn’t all about me. I was selfish and arrogant. I had to let go.

In the training session, Jerome told the story of his dad. When Jerome visited his dad at home in Boston, his dad used to reproduce the weather report from the radio on a kitchen chalkboard. Jerome was bored to tears. Finally, he got it. His dad was saying, “I love you.” He was also reminding him, “You are such a smart ass.” That profoundly landed for me.

That night after the training session, I went home and called Dad. Back in the dark ages, we had landlines. Just saying. When I moved to Los Angeles for work, Dad sent me large manila envelopes of cutout articles from Field and Stream, Scientific America, and his other subscriptions. Honestly, those articles bored the hell out of me. Yet, that was never the purpose.

Speaking on the phone I asked, “You know, when you sent me those articles, was that your way of saying you loved me?” Dad said, “Yeah.” My dad was a man of few words. I said, “I love you.” That was the first time I said that in 31 years.

That summer, Dad invited me on his annual fishing trip to Alaska. His older brother Eddie had dropped out. Over the next 17 years, Dad and I fished together for a week in July. Dad passed away a few years after that. Dad showed me some love. I showed Dad some love, too.

Dad’s favorite thing to do on Planet Earth was fish for sockeye salmon on the banks of the Kenai River. He was the Great Sockeye Fishing Sensei. People from around the country would literally book their fishing trips at the lodge so that they could fish with Dad. No shit.

On one of our fishing trips, we got up early so Dad could teach me to fish for sockeyes. Dad showed me how to cast out my line and follow the current of the river. I got a sockeye on my line. I pulled back on my fishing rod to set the hook. Dad stood beside me and gave instructions. I followed them.

Dad said, “Put your pole tip in the water!” I thought, “WTF?” Then, I got it. Putting the pole tip in the water kept the salmon on my line. Again, Dad was a man of few words. I reeled in the fish. Dad netted it. He hugged me and shook my hand. I was so happy. Dad showed me some love. I got his love.

In delivering Dad’s eulogy in Honolulu, I said, “I like to think that Dad is fishing for sockeye salmon at his favorite spot on the banks of the Kenai River. That he is happy. That he is at peace. I love you, Dad.” I showed Dad some love for the last time. Rest in peace, Dad.

I know that sometimes, I’m arrogant, unkind, and choose to whom I show some love. I give up being right and don’t make others wrong, including me. I let it go. I show everyone some love. At least, I try. Showing some love to others is the right thing to do. If little Rocky always shows some love, then I can do the same, too. Just saying.