In this series, I’d like to present principles and concepts from Zen Buddhism and invite you, through journal prompts, to consider how making use of these principles might improve your intimate relationships. In each post, I’ll present five principles and two journal prompts per principle. Please enjoy!
READ PART ONE HERE
Here are the next five principles we’ll consider.
Contentment (Santosha)
“Santosha” refers to the idea that it is possible to find satisfaction and peace within oneself, irrespective of external circumstances. Translated as both “contentment” and “satisfaction,” it involves cultivating a sense of inner peace and accepting and appreciating one’s current situation without longing for more and without feeling dissatisfied because of what’s lacking. Key aspects of santosha include gratitude, acceptance, moderation, and mindfulness. It is thought that practicing santosha helps in developing a positive outlook, reducing stress, and fostering a deeper sense of well-being.
+ Can you be content with your loved one as he or she is?
+ Can you focus less on what’s lacking, both in your relationship and in life, and focus more on what you have?
Direct Experience (Jiriki)
Jiriki emphasizes personal experience and intuition over theoretical knowledge or reliance on external authorities for spiritual insight. It refers to the belief in, and the practice of, achieving enlightenment or spiritual liberation through one’s own efforts, discipline, and actions. Key aspects of this concept include personal effort, ethical conduct, self-discipline, and independence. As a concept, it stands in contrast to the concept of “tariki,” where one bows to the authority of others.
+ You may be told that your relationship is supposed to look one way or another way, because that’s what your group, culture or religions says. But what is your truth?
+ Do you and your loved one get to decide what your intimate relationship will look like, or is that for others to say?
Emptiness (Shunyata)
The concept of shunyata refers to the idea that everything, including our intimate relationships, is in a state of flux and transformation, arising for countless causes and reasons. Therefore, the solidity of reality is an illusion and a way for the mind to make sense of what is in fact ever-changing existence. Realizing the emptiness of all phenomena fosters a sense of interconnectedness and compassion: since all beings are interdependent, reducing suffering for others becomes a natural expression of one’s understanding. Nothing exists independently or in isolation.
+ In what sense is your intimate relationship “always the same” and in what sense is it “ever-changing”?
+ What do you see as the difference between interdependence and codependence?
No-Mind (Mushin)
Mushin refers to a mental state where the mind is free from thoughts of anger, fear, ego, and distractions, allowing one to act naturally and spontaneously without hesitation. With this empty mind, one is free from preconceptions, emotions, and thoughts that can cloud judgment and hinder performance. It is akin to the modern concept of being “in the zone” or a “flow state,” where actions and responses are smooth, intuitive, and immediate. In addition to its value in martial arts, mushin is applicable in various arts such as calligraphy, tea ceremony, and sports, where the practitioner performs with fluidity and presence, embodying the principles of effortless action.
+ Imagine encountering your loved one free from all thoughts and distractions? How would that be? What might that feel like?
+ How might the concepts “in the zone” and “flow state” apply to your intimate relationship?
Presence (Ikigai)
Ikigai is a Japanese concept that translates to “a reason for being” or “a reason to wake up in the morning.” It is often interpreted as the intersection of what you love, what you are good at, what the world needs, and what you can be paid for. It therefore connects to notions of passion, mission, vocation, and profession. One achieves this union through self-reflection, continuous growth and an understanding that life is a winding road. This concept is deeply embedded in Japanese culture and is associated with a sense of purpose, fulfillment, and well-being.
+ Would it be good to consider your intimate relationship “a reason to wake up in the morning?”
+ If it would, what might help you achieve that mindset and that reality?
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More to come!
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In the midst of life’s ongoing pressures, a powerful, ten-second technique can change fear or worry into calm, strength, and centeredness. The basis of Ten Zen Seconds lies in using a single deep breath as a container for a specific thought. Blending Eastern principles of breath awareness and mindfulness with Western principles of positive psychology, this guide presents meditative incantations that offer powerful antidotes to stress, procrastination, and anxiety.
The technique is simple to grasp, simple to use, simple to practice, and simple to master. It can be used anywhere, anytime, by anyone, and it provides profound benefits. You’ll find yourself able to do things that previously felt too painful or too difficult to attempt and discover how to quiet and center yourself before an important meeting or conversation. Ultimately, you’ll change your basic attitudes about life, becoming peaceful and upbeat instead of anxious or pessimistic.
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This Post is republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: iStock
