In this series, I’d like to present principles and concepts from Zen Buddhism and invite you, through journal prompts, to consider how making use of these principles might improve your intimate relationships. In each post, I’ll present five principles and two journal prompts per principle. Please enjoy!
READ PART ONE HERE
Beginner’s Mind (Shoshin)
The idea of beginner’s mind is approaching life with openness, eagerness, and a lack of preconceptions, even when studying at an advanced level. Beginner’s mind encourages maintaining an attitude of curiosity regardless of how experienced or knowledgeable you are in a particular area, invites continuous learning, and, like mindfulness, invites you to stay fully present and engaged in the current moment.
+ What would it be like to “forget” everything you think you know about your loved one and meet him or her fresh in the present moment, without preconceptions or the burden of a shared history? Picture that. What might that be like?
+ What would it be like to “forget” everything you think you know about what your relationship is supposed to “mean” and come to it empty of expectations? Picture that. What might that be like?
Interconnectedness (Pratityasamutpada)
The concept of interconnectedness is the invitation to see all beings and phenomena as interconnected and interdependent, a realization that can foster compassion and empathy. When you accept that nothing exists in isolation, that we are all caught in a web of conditions and causes, and that there is a continuous cycle of change, you relax into an understanding of the shifting, transitory, and complex nature of now.
+ If you accepted the interconnected and interdependent nature of all phenomena, including everything about your relationship with your loved one, do you think you might feel more compassion for the two of you?
+ What are your thoughts about the ways in which you and your loved one are interconnected, including how what each of you says and does affect the other?
Compassion (Karuna)
The concept of compassion means cultivating a deep sense of empathy and concern for the suffering of others and acting to alleviate that suffering. In Buddhism, “karuṇā” is one of the Four Immeasurables (Brahmaviharas)—compassion, loving-kindness, sympathetic joy, and equanimity—which are considered essential virtues for leading a moral and enlightened life.
“Karuṇā” represents a profound and active form of compassion that transcends mere sympathy. It is a compassionate state that compels individuals to help relieve the suffering of others, thereby contributing to their own spiritual growth and the well-being of the world. It is related to concepts of non-violence and charity, and the protection of all living creatures.
+ How might you practice greater compassion in your relationship with your loved one?
+ How might you practice greater compassion toward yourself?
Patience (Kshanti)
The concept of “patience” involves developing the ability to endure difficulties and delays without becoming agitated, while at the same time recognizing that growth and change take time. “Kshanti,” which can also be translated at “tolerance” or “forbearance,” is the cultivation of an attitude of enduring hardship without anger or resentment. This includes patience with others, patience with oneself, and patience with the natural course of life, and involves responding to the actions and words of others with understanding and tolerance, even when they are difficult or provocative.
+ Which aspects of your relationship might you like to approach more patiently?
+ Which aspects of your relationship might you like to approach with more tolerance?
Discipline (Shila)
The concept of “discipline” connects the idea of self-control with ideas of ethical conduct, morality, and virtue by asserting that considered action is a key to personal development, spiritual progress, and moral conduct. Along with “Samadhi” (concentration) and “prajna” (wisdom), it is one of the “three fundamental trainings.” Disciplined ethical conduct helps prevent negative karma, supports the cultivation of positive mental states, and ensures that one’s actions contribute to the well-being of oneself and others.
+ How might you apply the principle of discipline (and disciplined ethical conduct) to your intimate relationship? What comes to mind?
+ Can you identify a lack of discipline in one particular area of your intimate relationship? What would “more discipline” in that area look like?
More to come!
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In the midst of life’s ongoing pressures, a powerful, ten-second technique can change fear or worry into calm, strength, and centeredness. The basis of Ten Zen Seconds lies in using a single deep breath as a container for a specific thought. Blending Eastern principles of breath awareness and mindfulness with Western principles of positive psychology, this guide presents meditative incantations that offer powerful antidotes to stress, procrastination, and anxiety.
The technique is simple to grasp, simple to use, simple to practice, and simple to master. It can be used anywhere, anytime, by anyone, and it provides profound benefits. You’ll find yourself able to do things that previously felt too painful or too difficult to attempt and discover how to quiet and center yourself before an important meeting or conversation. Ultimately, you’ll change your basic attitudes about life, becoming peaceful and upbeat instead of anxious or pessimistic.
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This Post is republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: iStock
