I Told Him I Love Him—Now What?

Love does not even seem easy when it throws uncertainty at every corner. For instance, Sarah is the face of this problem. She has been dating John close to eight months. Sarah is 35 years old while John is 56 years old. The lovebirds first met three years back at the gym, and their relationship slowly started gaining momentum but now Sarah is in front of the problem.

It was as if John was lukewarm and half-hearted about Sarah but nothing really came to blossom to the expectation that started her going in the first place. They met twice a month, kissing, touching, embracing each other, but at the back of her mind, there was always something she could not get past: John’s hesitation to give it all up for her. His excuse? His 12-year-old daughter whom he claims is his biggest thing for now.

That is the problem: Sarah loves him

During the last date, after another tender moment, she confesses love to him. He only responds to this with a rather casual “Oh, wow,” and continues kissing her. No reciprocation, no great conversation-only long uncertainty. Now Sarah remains wondering where she stands in John’s life, whether he cannot commit to her because of love for his daughter or if indeed something else is to it.

Sarah’s situation is so rife with so many general problems that slow-moving relationships create.

“I love him, but I have no idea where I fit in his life.”

So caught up was she with John that she now feels in limbo, though she knows that.

Is it worth waiting around, or should she move on?

Attraction is really strong for John, and Sarah often felt like leaving, but she never went beyond that because of the feelings. She finds attraction strongly felt yet somehow, something does not seem right, so she cannot also help feeling wary. The advice is mixed from friends and forums that offer mixed advice; while one lot says that if he wants to wait then she must leave it, the other lot thinks with a small child he does indeed have enough reason to consider things.

So, what made things complicated for Sarah was that she realized that something behind John’s marriage had existed.

He tells Sarah he cannot do what she wants to because of his daughter. There is, however, something that Sarah could not help but notice something which, such as the case with deleting all pictures of him on social media by his wife-brought a little bit of doubt into her mind. Is this marriage really over, or is he just sitting there on the sidelines?
John even went so far to say he could prove it all, because of his daughter, but Sarah is not convinced that she can yet trust him. Trust forms the base of every relationship and Sarah’s gut is saying that there may be something to this that John didn’t let on about here.

She describes him as a good guy,

“but somehow I just can’t shake the feeling of being on the backburner.”

It is now a dilemma for Sarah either because she wants to be attracted to John, yet she’s puzzled where she and he are. She can hang out, see what happens, or just wait for things to develop or go and preserve her heart.

“We don’t need his money,” she said.

“I’m financially stable. I have a PhD with a six-figure salary. That’s not dependency; it’s love.”

But beneath all these, Sarah asks. Deep down in her system are strong feelings, but the same doubts run equally through them. While the girl may be right that John is reclusive and wary because of his daughter, Sarah needs to decide if she really has a future with him or if she’s just wasting her time.

All of this time, Sarah sits in limbo-not knowing really where she stands. Love is messy, and sometimes, especially at the worst times, it is hard to know when to hold on and when to let go. But of all the things that Sarah knows, she should be in a relationship where she feels safe in knowing exactly where she stands.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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